'Love NOW. Loss But, Not Lost'. Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 18.

My Bells has so much personality.  I love you my baby!!

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

Guess who's taking the stage soon?!

*  SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT!  I'M SUPER STOKED FOR THIS.  AND NERVOUS.  COME AND SEE SOME HOT LADIES TALK ABOUT SEX!!  WEEEEEEEEE!  BEWARE.  MY STORY IS TOTALLY R-RATED, JUST FYI.


  Just a little reminder that you and your lady friends have AWESOME plans this Sunday! 

Topic: When Your Sex Life Gives You Lemons...

Talent: Ingrid Haas + Alice Johnson Boher + Alexandra Choi + more!

Logistics: Sunday, 5/5, Doors at 8 (show 8:30), Bar Lubitsch, $6 ONLINE or at the door

Rules: NO BOYS ALLOWED

See you and the DOZENS of ladies you'll be bringing along Sunday night!

*  And please vote my friend Natalia!  Natalia has been doing my retouches (click here for her website) and she's back at it with fashion and working her butt off.  Support this hardworking girl!  

Help @NataliaFedner achieve her design dreams - vote for her purse design, she's representing Los Angeles (#7)! 

Just click on this link, enter email addy and click vote.  Thank you.  You have til May 5th!

http://stitchcollective.com/pages/vote-now

*  And a THANK YOU shout out to my new subscribers!!

Dawnpdavis, Fabinlombardia, and Priyankasingha.  I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.  

Now on to the main attraction.......

This post is dedicated to those who have lost a loved one.  Especially dedicating this to Suzanne and GW.  

Love NOW.  

It was an emotional week/end.  

My writing coach, Suzanne had to put her dog, Bonzai to sleep.  I, along with other close friends went with her for support.

Bonzai had three different kinds of cancer and it was found literally three weeks ago.  Since then, he deteriorated rather quickly.  Suzanne got to spend the last week with him...and just him, and gave her best to nurse him back to health.  It was time for him to go.  

Another friend of mine, GW lost his mom couple of weeks ago to cancer as well.  

This has made me think hard about loss and fear of loss.  My heart hurts for them and for myself.  

The last time I lost someone close (my grandpa), I was medicated.  I stayed stoned so I didn't have to feel anything.  While my whole family was crying and going through the motions, I was there walking around like a zombie.  I really numbed it out.  I blocked it out of my memory too.  I'm sober now.  

Sobriety is slowly and unexpectedly forcing memories that were once pushed way way down to surface again.  Even now...something is stinging at my heart.  My heart stings right now, there's a lump in my throat, and my eyes are are getting hot like it's filling up with tears soon.  I'm sitting at the office.  I'm holding it in....there's a guy sitting right across from me.  I wonder, if I just busted out in tears right now and looked up at him what would he say or think?  Oh god, now I want to crack up at the thought of that.  Aren't emotions crazy?  I want to bawl one second, then maniacally laugh the next.  They make no sense at all.

Suzanne has started a Love Revolution.  She's been telling people she doesn't say "I love you" to enough.  Even in class, we started by pairing up and saying those three words that are so often taken for granted, and/or just said like 'how are you?', but we meant it.  Some associate it too much with romantic love and the meaning gets a little twisted.  I'm talking about Pure Love.  Human to human, spirit to spirit, LOVE.  No agenda, no expectation....just simply giving, receiving, and appreciating.  Really mean it.  It hurts to mean it, doesn't it?  It's scary to mean it, doesn't it?  It's intimate and takes vulnerability and courage simultaneously, doesn't it?  It's too real.  It's too big.  But once you do it, it becomes a part of you a little more.....and the more you do it, you'll see you are love, he is love, she is love, we are love.

Thank you, Suzanne and GW for teaching me another lesson on strength.  I love you.  From one soul to another.    

I came across this.  When feelings and emotions don't make sense, our minds go bonkers.  We have to make sense of things to feel better.  In that case, maybe these words may help.  I don't know.  But, I'm passing it along.  

This is via INSPIRE Tadasana Festival which got it via I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE'S Facebook Page.  

An Honest Eulogy

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.

—Aaron Freeman

Can you Love NOW??  That's what I wish for you this week.  That's what I wish for myself this week.  :)

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex