"Fan or Stalker?" Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 17.

Sallie DeEtte Mackie Photography.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  My next show is coming up!  Sunday, May 5th.  I will be one of four ladies performing at SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALKS.  What will I talk about???  Hmmmmm???
Ladies only.



Now on to the main attraction....



Fan or Stalker??


This past week I received a fan email requesting for a signed copy of my photo.  This is now my second.  Sounds pretty cool, yes?

However, I freaked out a bit.

The first one came straight to my personal email address.  This second one was sent to my two separate agents (commercial and theatrical) which was then forwarded to me.  At first, I was excited and pleasantly surprised.  I read the email and thought, "This is amazing!  I can't believe there are people I don't know seeing my work!"  Then, "Wait a minute.  How did he find my agents' contact info?  Wait a minute.  What else could people find out about me on the web?"  Fear started to creep in.

No no no.  I won't let the fears creep in.  I'm just going to think positive thoughts and be grateful.  So, I took a picture of the email and sent it out into my social media accounts.  The feedback on Facebook was mixed.  Some people 'Liked', while others warned me to be careful of weirdos.

Guess where I put my focus?  On the comments that were warning me to be careful.  My pep talks to myself weren't working anymore.  I started to concoct crazy ass stories in my head.  Like the ones that you try to dismiss quickly because it's just too scary.  And I was getting mad at myself for not being able to stop.  We can become so imaginative.

"This is not my reality.  I'll create that if I keep thinking about it, so stop thinking about it damnit!"  I hated believing in the Law of Attraction.

Then a friend who was also in the movie texted me shortly after and said that her agent received the same exact email, word for word, just the name was different.  What the fuck.  I got real angry with the fan/stalker because he was making me feel too vulnerable without my consent.  People react differently when they feel attacked....some get hurt, some feel guilty, some back down and give up.  I turn into a monster.  It's as if all the rage of the world enters me and I don't care if I die in the process, I'm taking you down, your family, your pet, everything you've got.  Starting with torture with my bare hands.  I see red.  It's you or me to the death....I become relentless.  If I had a super power, it would probably be fire (I'm a fire sign and I love heat) and my name would be Rage.

Now, that's one side of me.  The flip side of me, because there's always a flip side, would be the all loving, everything is cool, what's meant to be will be, just go with the flow, carefree, relaxed me.  The lover, the peacemaker, not the fighter.  Of course, I emailed another friend who was in the movie and she reflected back to me this version of me.  Her manager received the same email as well.  Her take was, "Oh Alex, you have nothing to worry about.  It comes with the territory and just be grateful that you're getting fans!  You're safe girl."  I felt better but, not 100%.  I'm not saying it was coming from a naive perspective but, something was missing.....for me.

I was now again left to process this extreme alone.  One extreme to another.  Back and forth.  Fuck, I just want to find my balance.  What feels good to me??  I can't even tell anymore.

God/The Universe speaks when you stop talking and start listening.  Instead of trying to figure out the answer, I asked for an answer.

Reality.  What is the reality of the situation, Alex?  The reality is, I received a fan email.  That's it.  

The anxiety and rage left my body.  I felt it.  My heart opened up again.  I took a conscious breath.  I was grateful for my reality.

I had a similar experience not too long ago.  I have Google Alert set up.  Google alerts me whenever my name pops up on the web.  Some time last year, in the span of a week, I found out that 1.  Someone created a Facebook profile page without my consent.  He/she got my pics from my personal Facebook account and posted a few status updates pretending to be me.  Crazy, huh?  2.  Then, someone else made a youtube video of me, again, without my consent.  He/she pulled a bunch of my pictures from the web and put together a slideshow.

I freaked out and got angry then too.  Eventually the fears subsided and I moved past it.  I figured, "Learn how to handle and process these now because I'm in it to win it.  I'll probably get more of these in the future.  I'm in training now."

I don't know what my balance is quite yet.  I'm simply managing how to stay grateful, gracious, and cautious.  My dear friend, Miss J recommended a book to me.  Turns out I already had it.  Isn't that so serendipitous?  I bought it about 8 years ago when my first acting coach recommended it to me.  I was doing a scene from the play, Extremities by William Mastrosimone.  It was a rape scene.  How does fear take place in a woman's mind and body before something so intrusive happens?  I read a little bit from the book mentioned, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.  Oprah calls him the nation's leading expert on violent behavior.  De Becker believes, "True fear is a gift.  Unwarranted fear is a curse."  And he teaches you how to tell the difference.

Knowledge is power and I want to educate myself as much as possible.  For this book to come full circle in my life again, it's a sign, as I see it.  So yes, I will be reading this book, in full, this time.

I believe this particular fan is a genuine fan of the movie.  I would have done the same thing if I were requesting for autographs from the cast....send out the same letter just with different names.  So, Mr. Fan, thank you for your love and support of our movie.

I'm setting some healthy boundaries for myself.  I'm also learning how to act with integrity for myself and with others, especially when I don't feel like it.  I accept all the challenges and lessons to come and I will respond with kindness and according to my truth.  This is the journey for this thriving actress.  I saw this and thought it was perfect for this lesson.

And here's the fan email in case you're curious.

So, to all my fellow thriving artists, what does your journey look like for you this week?  Any boundaries you can set?  How does acting with kindness and integrity look for you?




with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

"My Beauty/No More Acne Vlog". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 16.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering this week......

*  I did Lyndsey Baldasare's casting director workshop this week.  Went well and had fun!  She gave me an adjustment and I did it without feeling like I was trying too hard or working too hard at it.  It felt easy and I felt like it was just me saying the lines.  Uber fun.  Plus, I caught her off guard and she let out a chuckle.  :D

Now on to the main attraction.......

I put together my beauty secrets/regimen vlog.  

Also, if you're an acne sufferer like I was, you're gonna wanna watch this!  Yeah yeah.

I tried editing it down as much as I could but, I wanted to be as thorough as possible with this.  So, it's a bit long but, I think it's worth it.  Let me know what you think.

Also, trying to make this 'perfect' has been causing much anxiety.  I've literally worked on this for days without giving any attention to my writing (I have a show, maybe two coming up soon), or anything else for that matter.  Jeeeeez, I had to wrap it up and say, "It's ok.  Be done with it and believe you did the best you could".  So, it's not as polished as I want it to be but, F*CK ITTTTTT!!!!  :D  Letting go of the 'idea' of perfection and putting myself out there, AS IS.  Another lesson I learned while making this.  

"Small Steps Lead To BIG Dreams". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 15.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week......


*  My next show peeps!!!  So excited and nervous.  Ga ga ga ga gaaaaa.  Save The Date!  SUNDAY, MAY 5TH.  Doors open @ 8pm.  Show starts @ 8:30pm.  It's called SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALKS.  Four women, four stories.  It's a wonderful venue.  Unfortunately, NO BOYS ALLOWED.  It's only for ladies.  How cool is that?!  It's so underground, I love it!  I will post more deets as we get closer to the date.

*  Went to another Nerium AD event.  My friends are little by little jumping on the bandwagon since they're seeing for themselves how fabulous my skin is.  Yaaay to gorgeous skin!

Now on to the main attraction......


I've been watching more Tony Robbins youtube videos.  I came across this one video where Tony explains that when you feel like things aren't going right, you're probably a millimeter away.

He uses golf as an example.  Tony only took up golfing because his kids like to play.  First day, Tony was kicking ass.  Second day, he was sucking.  The ball just kept going into the water.  He said he was getting so frustrated when the instructor came over and said, "You know, you're just a few millimeters away."  A millimeter can mean your ball going into the green, the water, or the sand.  A slight adjustment can mean a whole lotta difference.

I understood this, intellectually.  Until, I was in my Kundalini class.  We were doing a very simple exercise.  Have you ever made a snow angel?  Or have you ever done some jumping jacks?  That's what it looks like except you're sitting in easy pose.  Seems simple enough, right?  Well, try doing that for 3 minutes straight, all the while you're doing the breath of fire (heavy breathing through your nose). My arms were hurting, my nose was hurting.  I just wanted out of the damn exercise.  At the same time, I wanted to stay in it because I knew I could.   At that point, it wasn't about "Am I going to stay in it or quit?" but, it was about, "How can I stay in it?  What can I do to finish?"

I was making all kinds of adjustments.  Slowing it down a little bit.  Going faster.  Sitting up a little taller.  Slouching shortly after.  Not raising my arms all the way up.  Then raising it all the way up.  Thinking about something pleasant.  Thinking about something that makes me angry.  Trying not to think at all.  I found some sort of relief from each adjustment.  Then, just when I found my groove again, the exercise was done.  I was proud of myself for staying in it.

Even with my skin.  I love my skin now but, for 15 years, I hated it and I was ashamed of it.  Growing up with cystic acne was extremely painful.  During the 15 years, I HAVE tried everything and nothing worked (for long) so I was too discouraged to believe clear skin was even possible for me.  I figured if these big and expensive changes (lasers, antiobiotics, Accutane, etc...) aren't working for me, then small changes will definitely not do anything.  Now, in hindsight, I see how the small and gradual changes were KEY to having clear skin.  I started drinking more water, then I started drinking less cold water and more warm to hot water, then I started putting lemon in my water.  I changed my diet.  I changed my sleep pattern.  I began using my body more, yoga, working out, sweating, and releasing toxins from my body.  I began writing more, expressing, and emotionally processing and releasing toxins from my mind and heart.  This whole process started about 4 or 5 years ago.  I didn't tackle everything at once (I tried).  I started with one and then kept building on top of that.  Four or five years ago, I would have said, "No way, it's gonna take me that long?"  Today, I'm saying, "Thank God!"

Remember last week I put up one of Tony Robbins's quotes?
"People who fail focus on what they have to go through; people who succeed focus on what it will feel like at the end."

Keep your eye on the prize.  Nothing is built overnight.  Anything and everything sustainable takes time.  If you want longevity with your career, give it equal time to prepare for it, to nurture an environment for it, every day, in every small way you can.  Don't wait for conditions to be better for you to start.  It's already perfect.  It's just waiting for you to see that.  Figure out what steps you need to take to get there.  Then begin.  Leave no small action not taken.  Every small step counts.  Each action carries you to the next action.  From where you are, take a step.  From where you are, tweak and re-adjust.  From where you are, begin.  Don't be afraid to begin.  And don't be afraid to do it over and over and over again.  I'll leave you with another Tony Robbins quote.

"When it seems impossible, when it seems like nothing is going to work, you're usually just a few millimeters away from making it happen."

You get the point, yah?

So, what millimeter of change can you make today?  

Have a fun week of making small, long lasting changes!  

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

"Quotes And Sh*t". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 14.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  What do you guys think???  I vamped up my blog.  Well, it started with my wanting to add a 'Subscribe' option linked to my Mailchimp account.  Then I ended up playing around with some templates.  I accidentally 'Applied' the changes and lost my old template.  I was working on this baby all weekend.  I think it looks more modern and fresh.

Now on to the main attraction.....

My brain's not working.  I've been working on this post for a couple days now and I can't seem to finish a paragraph or a sentence!  So, I've stepped away to read some funny and motivational quotes.  So, this is what I have for you this week.....some funny, light, motivational quotes!  :D  

Speaking of light, let's start with this one!

This is a cute one.  

My mother would say this one describes me to a T.

I KNOW you can all relate.

Hollaaaaaaaa!

I love Tony Robbins.

Before Tony Robbins, there was Zig Ziglar.

Me and one of my quotes.  I got quotes too.  :)

Joseph Campbell.  Jump.  

Who doesn't love Ryan Gosling?

I like this next one because when I was younger, I had trouble saying the words, 'worm' and 'warm'.  It just reminded me of that, that's all.  

Hahahahahaha.  He's just chillin.  Too funny.

In case you don't see it, it says, "It's Only Love.  Give It Away."

Last but, not least....Mickey, take it away!

Hope you enjoyed today's post!  I sure did.  :D

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex