Quotes. Inspirations. Motivations.

" I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night - there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest." - Marilyn Monroe

Don't you love some great quotes??

I do. I live by them. Just when you think you're the only one feeling a certain way...or, nobody will understand how you feel...read a good quote.

I've compiled some of my favorites here. Each one has touched my heart and have really helped me on my journey. Hope you fall in love with one too.

And, if you know any that are good, please share! :)

"The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."

-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"The dreams of my heart are the dreams of the Universe dreaming through me."

-Julia Cameron

"Goethe said, 'Talent is developed in privacy', you know? And it's really true. There is a need for aloneness which I don't think most people realize for an actor. It's almost having certain kinds of secrets for yourself that you'll let the whole world in on only for a moment, when you're acting."

-Marilyn Monroe

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."

-Marilyn Monroe

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."

-Marilyn Monroe

"She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that's important, you know."

-Marilyn Monroe

"I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful."

-Marilyn Monroe

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."

-Richard Bach

"You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better you did better."

-Maya Angelou to Oprah Winfrey

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has beauty."

-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Nelson Mandela (quoting Marianne Williamson)

"Keep your wits about you. It is not necessary to barter your talent, your self-esteem, and your youth for the chance of pleasing your inferiors. It is more frightening but it is not less productive to go your own way, to form your own theatre company, to write and stage your own plays, to make your own film. You have an enormously greater chance of eventually presenting yourself to, and eventually appealing to, an audience by striking out on your own, by making your own plays and films, than by submitting to the industrial model of the school and studio."

-True and False by David Mamet

"Your talents are of value, they return value to you."

-Cameron Thor

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one."

-Henry D. Thoreau

"The thing always happens that you really believe; and the belief in a thing makes it happen."

-Frank Lloyd Wright

"Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes."

-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"There is a vitality,

a life force, an energy,

a quickening that is translated through you into action,

and because there is only one of you in all of time,

this expression is unique.

And if you block it,

it will never exist through any other medium

and it will be lost.

The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is,

nor how valuable,

nor how it compares with other expressions.

It is your business to keep it yours clearly and

directly, to keep the channel open.

You do not have to believe in yourself or your work.

You have to keep yourself open and aware

to the urges that motivate you.

Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased.

There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.

There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction,

a blessed unrest that keeps us marching

and makes us more alive than the others."

- Martha Graham

Professing about my Professionals!

In this BLOG, I'd like to say Thank You!

This past week, I was surrounded by amazing professionals. I took new headshots, I went to the Scary or Die website launch party, got make-up help from one of my fave make-up artists, and had one of the sickest costumes for Halloween!

Headshots!

Who did I shoot with??

ClickWest Photography - John Allen Phillips

www.clickwestphoto.com

$295 for 5 looks! And you get all your photos on a CD right after the shoot (it just takes an hour or so). The top photo is one of the many many great shots I got with John AND it hasn't even been retouched yet! He is the coolest and a total professional...he knows his camera and lighting very well. Now, I'm an actor, not a model so I still get camera shy...and I feel like I'm boring the photographer with the same old pose but, you're in good hands with John. He gives you your freedom to be as natural as possible but, for those who need some technical assistance like "turn a little that way, chin up/down, rest your eyes, etc...he'll take over when he has to. He's also an actor himself so he understands actors..that's gotta give him more street cred. I can go on and on about how great he is but, if you need new headshots, shoot with him. Great photos, great times, great price. What more can you ask for? Seriously. Thank you John!

Scary or Die website launch!

Yay! The same filmmakers I had worked with, just launched the Scary or Die website. Same concept as Funny or Die but, for the horror community. Mike, Igor, David, and Ski-ter - Congratulations and thank you.

I met them about 5 months ago for a short film (where I also met my friend Rahi). I got really lucky with this one. Remember some time ago when I was submitting myself on LA Casting and Actor's Access over ten times a day? Well, this was one of the projects I got on my own. This goes to show you that you don't need an agent or manager to get work...like I always say..."YOU NEVER KNOW!" Now, I got to see them all minus Igor (overseas for a movie) at the party and they caught me up on some new developments. Out of respect for them and their hard work, I will keep mum about details (sorry everyone) but, all I gotta say is I am maaaaaaaaad EXCITED! As soon as I find out more, and can talk about it, I will BLOG first thing! I am one lucky actress...oh yeah, I'm a Sagittarius. :)

Thank you again gentlemen. I can't wait to hear more great news.

www.scaryordie.com

Make-up!

Robin Manier is the best. I met Robin earlier this year when I was getting ready to do a funny video for the web and I wanted to spruce up my look. Why is she so great? For those of you who know me, you know my issues with my skin...my acne and acne scars. I've worked with some make-up artists who have said they can cover up my scars and when it's all said and done, I looked better before they touched my face. Or sometimes I look like I got punched in the eye because Asian eyes can be a little tricky for some folks. All in all, I am quite vain and skeptical in this area so it takes alot to win me over.

Robin knows my coloring, knows my eye shape, knows my cheekbones, and knows my skin! Maybe because she's half Korean?! Robin hooked me up with my make-up before the website party. My skin looked and felt awesome. Normally, I would apply thick foundation and concealer all over my face to get the coverage I want but, Robin was extremely meticulous and only applied concealer where necessary. I felt like I had no make-up on. Blew me away. Then, my eyes....I'm so used to wearing black eyeliner and this look can be too dramatic. And frankly, I'm bored with it. Robin gave me the most perfect smoky eyes....sans black liner... actually, it turned out more sultry than smoky. It was perfect. And I looked and felt like a million bucks. Robin's one of my best kept secrets as an actress but, if you want her info, I'll give it up. :) And you'll be seeing more of her in my VLOGS! Yeeeeeeeah! Thank you Robin, my Korean sistaaaa!

Happy Halloween!
I was 1 of 7 courtesans for Halloween. The second photo on top is of me and one of my besties Cammy all dressed up and ready to "court". I'll probably put up more photos on Facebook when I get them. Our costumes were the talk of the century! We had 7 courtesans and 7 men to match us! We looked straight out of a book or movie. And all this was possible because of Cholla, Rachel, and the talented designer Naomi Selina!
Naomi literally put all our costumes together with her bare hands! No detail went unnoticed. You look at the costume as a whole and there is something grand and dramatic about it with simplicity but, when you look closely enough, even the simplicity of it is intricately done. Naomi put so much heart and soul into it that it was very hard to take it off in the end. My favorite had to have been the colors of costumes. Everything she got was in pure white..so she dyed everything herself, from corset to gloves, to socks, to give it an antique look. The pictures may not do it true justice...to see it up close and personal is a blessing. The colors, details, design, fabric, EVERYTHING was so beautiful and magical...it almost looked like a wedding dress. Yep, I couldn't help it..I kept thinking about my future wedding gown. I would have eloped that night, that's how good Naomi is. :) Thank you Naomi!
I'm hoping I can do a VLOG episode on her in the near future.
Here's her website.
www.bones-and-roses.com/index.html


That recaps last week!
Yowzersss, I had a pretty awesome week. This pumps me up for this week.


Check out my Facebook page for daily updates! And my Youtube channel for my VLOGS!
Till next Monday!


www.facebook.com/alexandrachoi


www.youtube.com/user/alexandra1203




with LOVE,


Alex

All Aboard the alEX EXpress!!!

Good morning Monday. Good morning everyone.

I'm shooting the VH-1 Promo with Mario Lopez today!

DemGirlzGotBallz is getting ready for a comeback!

My BLOGS and VLOGS are on schedule and doing very well!

I'm starting a workshop this week with Sherie Hernandez, Assoc. CD for "How I Met Your Mother", "Hot in Cleveland", and "Ex-Mas Carol"!

I'm auditioning regularly!

I'm meeting so many wonderful people!

Good news galore! One more good news...

My manager dropped me.

Yep. He dropped me like I was hot. I woke up one morning last week to find an email in my inbox with the subject "representation". I knew. Or maybe I was hoping.

I've been with my manager since early this year. You may remember my mentioning it in my first blog post. I was just so grateful to him for taking me on as a client. Woweeee....my FIRST manager. This was an exciting time for me. I started to feel more and more like a professional knowing that I had professionals on my side. But, are they really on your side?? After all, business is business.

A couple of months ago is when I began to feel like this wasn't the best match. As much as I liked my manager as a person and friend (I still do), I knew we would eventually have to go our separate ways. Why?? This is the bottom line...I'm not sure if he believed in me like I believe in me.

Yes, granted I'm a difficult one to push for right now. I'm a non-union actress, with limited credits, and no reel. Yes, I am very much aware of the odds that are against me at this stage of my career, but, it's not impossible. I believe in possibilities, I believe in timing, I believe in luck, I believe in hard work, I believe in persistence, I believe in believing, I believe in patience, I believe in intuition, I believe in action, I believe in manifesting. I believe in magic.

I remember when I first started thinking about blogging and vlogging. I told my manager to see what he thought...to my surprise, he wasn't too stoked on the idea. He didn't advise me NOT do it but, he didn't encourage me either. I think that was the first lightbulb moment for me. But, I swept it under my rug because at least I had a manager. Another time, I was tipped on a certain breakdown from a friend who thought I would be awesome for it. She told me to see if my manager can get me an audition. I asked him but, his reply was "I can't babe. You're non-union and you don't have a reel." Okay, fine. I didn't want to put him in a difficult predicament on my account so I let it go...because, at least I had a manager. Then he got me a commercial audition that I felt very uncomfortable about...because they were looking for someone who can read Korean fluently. Now, I can read Korean but, I sound like a 2 year old. So, I told him that I'd rather not but, he advised I should. So, I did. I didn't want to seem ungrateful..nor did I want to decline the first audition he got me. Acting and auditioning was becoming stressful...a sign that something's not right but, again, at least I had a manager.

My manager is a good manager...probably a great manager...just not for me. My heart knew this before he dropped me. And lucky for me, God/Universe took care of the dirty work. I am now free to meet the manager that's meant for me....a manager who sees something special in me, a manager with just as much fire in him/her as I do, a manager who is patient but, has goals for me, a manager who will fight for me, a manager who is practical but also believes in magic, a manager who trusts me and my intuition, a manager who trusts his/her intuition, a manager who will take risks, make me take risks, a manager who will become a friend, part of my heart. I'm putting it out there! I know you're out there!!! :)

Just before I got dropped, my manager wanted me to take new headshots...actually, he was on my ass about it. Right after I got dropped, I scheduled to get new photos taken. Manager or no manager, this train's gonna keep on moving! Jump on or get off but, I ain't stopping!

So, for those of you out there that are in the same boat or train as me...you don't have a manager or theatrical agent...it's alllllll good. Trust and believe. Trust and believe in yourself first. The right people will come into your life without your trying. Think it, feel it, believe it. And just keep doing what you love to do. Just keep moving. Just do your part. You'll get there...I promise. :)

You want to know a little secret?? After the VH-1 audition, I put it into my calendar as if I had booked it already. I blocked that day out in advance. A couple of hours later I found out I was on "AVAIL" and the next day I BOOKED it.

I'm a BIG believer in living your life as if it's all here and now. For example, I want to be a STAR....I am a STAR. I talk like a STAR, I act like a STAR, I dress like a STAR, I eat like a STAR, I sleep like a STAR, I work like a STAR, you get the point. Yes, I still have to fight off those "who the hell do you think you are?" voices but, who am I not to?? So, how do YOU want to talk, act, dress, eat, sleep, work today???

You are the conductor of your choo choo train. People will get on...people will get off. But, who's the one that stays till the end?? The conductor. You have to get to your destination.

Thank you to my EX-manager. Thank you for taking me on, thank you for letting me go. Thinking about our wonderful yet, short-lived relationship on this beautiful rainy day...I wish you all the best!!!!

LOVE,

Alex

Hold me ACCOUNTABLE

I recently watched "Secretariat" with friends Rahi, Laurence, and Case.
Can I just say....I L-O-V-E-D it.
Penny Chenery-Tweedy's story hit a nerve with me. Plus, I'm a sucker for stories about always following your heart, at all cost, discovering your destiny, overcoming hardships, never giving up, and finding true happiness and love in the end. For example, "Kung Fu Panda"...balled my eyes out.

So, this brings me to what I really want to tell you.......





DemGirlzGotBallz is baaaaaack!!!!

Who is DemGirlzGotBallz??? We are the hottest, baddest, and fiercest group of women who love comedy. Our forte is sketch and parody.

We've been on "hibernate" mode for some months now because I'm a notorious procrastinator. A little backstory...
Spring/Summer of 2009, I became reacquainted with the comedian in me. Lucky for me, one of my closest friends, Brian is a stand-up comic so I began tagging along to see stand-ups, improvs, and sketches. Comedy...I fell in love with it no doubt. At shows I was thoroughly enjoying, I felt like I would lose control over myself and jump on stage with them...like my body twitched and I would have to try so hard to sit still...because I wanted to do what they were doing.

Poor Brian had to hear a trillion times "I want to do that", "I think I can do that", "I'm funny, right?", "Damn! I really want to do stand-up!", yada yada yada. Then, one of the best thing that could have been said, was said. So Brian tells me that apparently, in the "comedy world", there is this stigma that good-looking women are NOT funny. ??? I thrive on challenges like this. My "Bring It" attitude gathered up a group of talented, badass beauties and put on one successful show! Holla. DGGB was here.

DGGB was making a name for itself. Amazing opportunities seemed to be in our future and amazing people were popping up and willing to help. Everything was so easy...things just clicked or fell into place. And the more amazing and easier it got, the more I wanted to give up on it. I guess I got scared. I'm still scared. I believe in the group whole-heartedly. I believe it has its place here...now...today. It's special...it really is. And because it is so special, I know we'll do special things too. But, in order for this to happen, I have to get my mind right. It ain't easy, that's for sure. Now that I have my blog and vlogs, aside from basic acting commitments, I can easily say "Eh, too much on my plate" and avoid it altogether. But, it's not too much. If I can just manage my time and make some lifestyle adjustments, it's completely do-able.

So, I'm working on that...time management. Plus, I now have a business partner, Jeannine! Jeannine's one of my best friends...like my sister. I tend to be the organizer or list-maker out of most of my friends but, Jeannine is that for me so, she's perfect! She will definitely hold me accountable and make sure I stay on track. Yay! Welcome Jeannine and Thank You!

Penny Tweedy, you're my hero. You've inspired me and lit a fire under my ass. I am hungry once again. I'm ready for changes, adventures, obstacles, and opportunities. Looking back, I feel very guided and protected by Providence throughout my life...I have nothing to worry about. But, I'm not gonna lie...I'm terrified. This is a good sign.

More good sign...magical things are happening. Talented friends are offering help and randomly people are asking about us. It feels as though God/Universe is shifting things into gear for us to begin our thang. We have some cool things in the works already. :)

Now that I've gone public with my vision for DGGB, I hope you all hold me accountable as well. Since I'm a woman of my words, I know I'll do whatever it takes to live up to it. But, I'm excited. I can't wait to make you all proud!

Let's rock it out DemGirlzGotBallz!

Thank you from my bottomless heart.

Alex

I Pinky Swear

Good morning and Happy Monday. The weather is gloomy and it makes me soooooo happy. I'm a New Yorker, a Brooklynite at heart so this kind of weather just makes me feel refreshed and energized. Makes me want to kick some ass too! In a good way.

Anywho...I'd like to kick off this week with a promise. And I am pinky swearing so, you know I mean business.

I'm going to BLOG every Mondays. Yup. Just to clarify...BLOG, is this thing you're reading...my VLOG is the video version you see on Youtube.
But, I will be BLOGGING every Mondays. The VLOGs...once a month but with some short videos to hold you over. :)

Why am I making this promise?

I've been doing some thinking. Especially about BRANDING. This year, I have been focusing on the business of this business. Whether you like it or not, this (Hollywood) is a BUSINESS....bottom line. You are a product..your product. Now what?

My product...ME wasn't really me. Let me explain.
Early this year, I decided to cut off my hair and perm it. Now, I had long, straight hair for a very long time. I remember saying to myself..."Gee, I wish I can chop off my hair. Oh, but, I can't since I'm an actress. Long hair is better. It's easier for me to book roles with longer hair...since I'm giving them a blank canvas to work with."

Who says?!?! Let me just tell you that cutting my hair and perming it in 2010 was the best decision or business move I made! Instead of chasing after roles that I didn't want (because that's all that's out there for us Asians), I believe I am now telling Hollywood what I want and how I want to be casted! Here you go Hollywood, there's a new Asian in town. Muhahahaha.

So let me ask you a question...

How many Asian girls do you know with short, curly hair?
Not many I'm thinking. Now, if you didn't know me, and you met me, this curly-haired Asian girl, wouldn't you say or ask yourself..."Hmmm..I wonder if her hair's natural?" Even if it was 2 second passing thought. I can safely say this because everybody I meet...I get the same thing..."OMG. Is your hair natural?" Man, woman, children...they all want to know. Not kidding.
Now, include casting directors, directors, producers, writers, into that mix. It's true! They ask about my hair all the time! Soon, they're saying things like "it's so cute!", "you're like the sassy Asian", "it's very sexy!", "you're the edgy Asian", "it's very unique!", yada yada yada....
Do you see where I'm going with this? They've already created all these characters for me. Now, I may or may not get the part but, I was MEMORABLE.

A couple of weeks ago, I met Nicole who recognized me from my vlogs. She came up to me and asked if I did videos. I thought, "No way...can't be." But it was true! She watched my VLOGS and said she was a fan! My VLOGS don't even have 200 views so to be recognized on the streets was the coolest random event ever. The one thing she said to me was "YOU ARE MEMORABLE".

Being memorable is crucial when it comes to branding. You know what else is crucial??? CONSISTENCY. Ugh...my worst enemy. But, I'm going to make it my best friend. I have to be consistent. So, my blogging and vlogging..I have to be consistent. Which takes me back to the top...my promise. I have to be more reliable for my consumers...you know what I'm saying??
If I'm going to call myself a blogger and vlogger, I'm going to do it right.

So, here's the plan...
Blogging...every Mondays. It'll be a nice way to start the week for me. And who knows, maybe it'll help you start the week too. I'm a good motivator. :)

Vlogging...once a month. Let's see....how about the last Monday of every month! Yeah! Okay. Done. Editing is extremely time consuming and you have to be meticulous. It's a lot of work but, once a month! I'm going to do it! But, for those in need of some "Alex Fix", I'll have short short videos (1min. in length) to hold you over during the down times. :)

So, there it is!!!
I've got a busy week ahead of me. I'm ready though. Always ready.

So, think about your brand this week....YOU. I'm not saying go out there and shave your head or do something drastic. But, think about what's working for you and not working for you. And remember, it's really YOU that people want. How can you show yourself? You are the only one who can do that the best.


Your Curly, Sassy, Edgy Asian,

Alex

My Beautiful Monster

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzsche


Alanis Morissette once sang...."Isn't it Ironic? Don't you think?"

As an actress, I want to feel....feel everything and be fully aware of it while it's happening. Love, hate, joy, gratitude, awe, sadness, anger, jealousy, pain, excitement, guilt, etc... I want it all. But, as Alex, no. As Alex I want to be as far away from it as possible...even the good stuff. But, it's taken its toll.

I started breaking out a couple of months ago. And I'm not talking about a zit here and there...I'm talking about cystic. I'm talking about it literally taking over 40-50% of my face. I'm talking about it's gotten to the point where make-up no longer conceals but reveals, I'm talking about waking up every morning and hoping to see just a little more of my clear skin than the infected skin. I'm talking about willing to try anything to cure this. I am so serious that I have 2 dermatologists. I feel like that commercial for Pro-Active where everyone says the same thing...."I've tried everything and nothing worked."

I've been acne prone my whole life. Acne is stressful for anybody with it, but, now imagine being an actress and your face is your product. It breaks my heart. I've heard numerous times "Don't worry, you'll grow out of it", "Oh, it's just stress..stop stressing over it", "It's probably your diet", and my mother's favorite line.."It'll go away when you get married and have a baby." Uh, no, no, no, and NO.

The truth of the matter is...it's not going to go away until I figure out the root of it. Yes, all of the above plays an intricate part but, I know in my heart that it's more deep-rooted.

A couple of years ago, my grandfather, the patriarch of the family passed away. Although he was sick for a year before he died, it was quite a shock to everyone. That man practically raised me, my sister, and my four cousins. He taught us how to ride our first bikes, our first roller skates, took us fishing or to the park every weekend, drove me to and from school because I was always playing hooky, taught us to drive, etc.. He was the best grandpa. His funeral was one of the hardest things ever. Even though we say we should celebrate our loved ones passing, it's hard when you're surrounded by others feeling so much pain. And you know the other saying..."can't beat'em, join'em"...well, I did just that but, it was too painful so, I found a way to stay strong and numb. I still don't think it has hit me that he's gone. I'm actually very afraid to feel it when it happens. But, I owe it to him and I owe it to me. My mother didn't even shed a tear. She's the eldest girl of 6 children. Her mother, brothers and sisters were crying uncontrollably around her but, she remained still and quiet. Too still. Too quiet. It worried me. I could see how much she wanted to cry with them but, didn't or couldn't. She said she was too scared. My mom scared?? She was too scared to even let a tear out because she said she was afraid of what would happen to her. I felt fear enter my body. I felt it. This scared the shit out of me for her so I got mad at her. I wanted to either shake or beat the tears out of her. She's practiced living without feeling for so long that when it came time for her to actually feel something meaningful to her, she couldn't. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I saw myself in her at that moment. And that turned into anger towards her which then turned into compassion but, I didn't know what to do with it so I turned it right back into anger again. Sorry mom I didn't understand then, but I do now.


I've never liked to cry. I guess I get it from my mom. My mom used to say to me when I cried "you look so ugly when you cry"...of course, she didn't say this to be mean...this was her way of saying "pretty girls don't cry." In a way, I agree with her because I don't cry...I sob...and it will get ugly. My body sweats like crazy, my nose runs like crazy, my face makes faces, my legs get shaky so I roll up into a ball, all the muscles in my body feel like they're trying to tear out of my skin, my face turns red, I'm gasping for air, my eyes get super swollen and I can't even open them, the world seems like it's going to end right then and there. And it doesn't even matter what I'm crying about, all of a sudden I feel like I'm crying for my mother, my father, my sister, my family, my friends, the world. In the most ugliest moment, comes something beautiful though. Because when it passes, I'm able to breathe in the deepest breath like I've never smoked a cigarette in my life, my muscles feel more relaxed than ever like I just walked out of the spa, my face looks red but, dewy like I just got a facial, my eyes are swollen but they look big and funny. And by the time I blow my nose for the last time and check the mirror for boogers, all I can do is laugh. Laugh at how ridiculous I look but, laugh because I do feel much better.


We all have skeletons in our closets. We all have demons. We all have our own private and quiet sufferings. But, that's our greatest teacher. That's where I need to begin to heal. The side of me, the pieces of me that I've locked away..far away..at least I thought I did. But, that dark side never left me. It just pretended and grew 10 times more powerful. And now I see how it's manifested in my life..affecting all aspects of my life....so, cunningly. Of course with all those years of suppressing toxic thoughts and actions, it's bound to come out and show its face. In my case, it's literally showing on my face. I probably know my acne way better than any doctor in the world. My body is my best indicator of what's going on with me, inside of me...I just need to listen to it. You can never get rid of your dark side...because it's a part of you. My dark side is my beautiful monster...my beautiful monster makes me the actress that I am...my beautiful monster will help me change the world. So I can't hate it. I can't condemn it. Because it'll just make it stronger. Instead, I'm going to see it for what it is..my dark side. I'm going to communicate with it. I'm going to work with it. I'm going to accept it. (SIGH)



Even writing this blog has helped me celebrate my beautiful monster. I think a zit just went away. :) The best way to celebrate your dark side without hurting yourself or anyone else....get creative with it. As long as I "feed the monster", she'll work with me and not against me. My EGO, my RESISTANCE just needs some attention...but, proper attention. So, on this wonderful Sunday, say hi to your EGO and see what and how you guys can work together.



Peace and LOVE

Alex

Everything and Nothing is in your hands...

I have been super duper lucky these past weeks.
I have been auditioning everyday. Yep, everyday, at least one or two.
Then, getting callbacks for each one.
:) ting!
I'm not even joking. EV-VERY commercial audition I have been on, I have either gotten a callback, been on avail, or booked it. (Thank you Chris Game for the best commercial workshop ever).

But, I'm feeling a lil blue today. I know why.
I don't like it when it gets quiet.

I just got back from a callback and I feel terrible.
The callback was for Timberland(boot) and Pam, the casting director was the most amazing person to audition for. The first audition, she had me try it 4 or 5 times, giving me feedback each time. Rare. I guess I wasn't quite delivering but, she wanted me to. She kept saying "I like you, I love your look." She was rooting for me...thank you Pam.
Then, today happened and I feel like I let her down. I let me down too but, I let her down. If I heard correctly, before I even slated, she was telling the clients, "This is Alexandra, she's in our Top 4". Uh, now I'm really freakin nervous! I did my thing and a guy with Timberland said "Ok, let's go again but, this time, be a little more upbeat and don't speak until the camera is out of your face."
"Got it." I said.
I went again. I didn't do what I said I'd do. He stopped me pretty quickly and said "Don't speak until you get the camera out of your face." "Yes, of course." I replied. I did it again. This time, I did what was asked but, now I was more nervous than ever so I rushed the whole thing. I felt my hands and arms tense and shaky. My face muscles were doing their own thing. I was a mess. And that was it. My time was up.
I thanked them all and walked out of there with a smile but, I wanted to chuck myself down the stairs.

I don't have more auditions lined up for this week. Nor next week. Maybe that's why I put too much pressure on this one.
When it was auditions galore, I felt very carefree..."eh, on to the next" attitude helped me be me in the room. I was committed to that "flow" and now, it's changing course. But, I get it. Just as I committed to that flow, I have to commit to this one....and whatever that may be. And right now, blogging is what I'm supposed to be doing. Come to think of it, I haven't had time to blog or vlog, and it's been bothering me.

Light bulb. ting! ting! ting! ting! ting!

Hey! I'm blogging!
I'm feeling better and better as we type.
Learning to surrender to the greater plan. And that plan is between me and God. I have been trying to create some quiet space everyday and when I do, I get blessed with A-ha moments. Nice.


Everything and Nothing is in your hands.


<3,

Alex

Get Uncomfortable!

You gotta keep it moving. You gotta keep on meeting.


Ok, so, you're an actor/actress. Me too.
Are you an actor that attends acting class regularly, auditions sporadically, and not enough "ACTING" in life? Me too.
Do you feel more frustration than excitement? Me too...well, not anymore. Woo hoo!

Here's my theory. Actually, I'm taking it from Dallas Travers (Creative Coach) and Katt Williams (Comic). Surround yourself with professionals, experts, and people that are doing better than you. You are who you associate with.
I believe this 100%.

I've been out here in Los Angeles for 6 years but, it is only within the last 2 that I've been really proactive about this. How have I been proactive? I stopped complaining about not having enough money and signed up for a 6-week creative workshop with Dallas Travers. Boy, was that worth every penny. Dallas taught me the "business" of this business. To make it in Hollywood, it's actually 25% acting and 75% marketing. Absolutely. I didn't believe this when I first moved out here...I thought, "Oh, they're going to hire me for my talent". Ummmmm yeah.......how would they see your talent if they don't even know you exist.

So, here I am. I recently joined ACT NOW, a networking studio for actors where they have awesome casting director workshops. I started yesterday...Chris Game's Commercial workshop....sooooooo good. He's also an amazing human being. I've been on countless commercial auditions, haven't booked....yet. But, with Chris's 4 week workshop under my belt, I'm ready for this beast! AND, the best part of this story is that Chris actually remembered me from an audition! That's it! I don't want to get "discovered"...I want to bust my ass, work hard and be "recognized", "remembered", and "respected". He said the longer you stay in the game, Hollywood gets smaller and smaller. This is so true because within the last 2 years I've been saying "OMG, what a small world!" And especially with Facebook....and mutual friends...this is the best time to be an actress!

Get uncomfortable! Do things that scare you! Try new things! Meet new people! Stay on top of things....do your research. Talk to people that are booking things...what are they doing, how are they doing it? If you don't have a manager or agent(s)...get on it. I have a manager and Commercial agent now and when my reel is ready, my plan is to "shop" around for a Theatrical agent...no more begging here! Trust me, with professionals on your side, YOU will feel more professional.

I've been very blessed so far to have studied, coached, trained, with the best of the best.
You need your chops first and foremost. I owe my creative life to Cameron Thor and Alice Carter...CarterThor Studios. This is where it all started for me. Not only did I learn how to act but, how to live. Love them. Now with their training, I feel very ready to get out there and work work WORK!!!
Then, there's Dallas Travers. She takes away all the scary stuff. She helps you find YOUR own way.....with such positivity and excitement. Sooner or later, you find yourself taking charge of your own career and that's a pretty good feeling.

This month is the Commercial workshop, next month, workshops with television and feature film casting directors. My goal is to book a t.v. show by the end of this year. Hell yeah!!!!!

Oh yeah! I started writing too! Figuring out ways with friends to Taft-Hartley ourselves...for the non-union peeps....you know this is a BIG deal! Cameron Thor always said to throw out there as many things and see what sticks. That's what I'm doing...

Thank you to all my teachers. Thank you to the professionals who believe in me.



Here are some links. Seriously the best. Word of mouth only. By referral only. If you're serious about your career, check them out.

Carter Thor Studios - Acting Studio
http://www.carterthorstudio.com/

Dallas Travers - Creative Coach
http://www.dallastravers.com/

Act Now - Networking and Workshops
http://www.actnownetwork.com/

Law of Attraction at work

How cool....

The day after I decide to make an executive decision about my career...

I no longer have to take every job that comes my way.
I have a goal. And that goal is to build a kick ass reel.
If you can become your thoughts, then I'm going to start living like a movie star NOW.

So this morning I receive a phone call. It is the Production Coordinator getting back to me. We talked for quite a bit. He said he absolutely understood where I was coming from. Nice guy. He asked if he can contact me in the future for some other projects he will be working on. Heck yeah! Wow. That went well. Thank you for this experience.

Then, I get another phone call as I'm getting ready for an audition. A consultant from a "by referral only" casting workshop called. She said someone referred three actors to her and I was one of them. I had no idea what she was talking about. She read out the other two names to me to see if it rang a bell but, no. After some research, turns out an assistant to a casting director I had auditioned for once referred me! Plus, I've heard of this place quite a few times before and I've been wanting to check it out. Seren-freakin-dipitous. So, I'm meeting my consultant tomorrow to do some cold reads to see how I should market myself. My consultant helps me figure out which casting directors would be best for ME. I may not be right for certain casting directors (ex. one CD only casts union. I'm non). This helps me to be more specific. She will also be functioning as a branding consultant. Yesssss!

Off I go happily to my audition. It's for a short...an action-comedy. Totally like Kung Fu Hustle, one of my all time faves. The audition went well. I had fun. I liked the energy in the room. Everyone was so nice. I got to make an adjustment...which is always fun. Then, as I walked out of there, I let it go. Let the audition go and wished for the best person to get it. Got in my car and ran some errands.

Today was the perfect example of The Quote of My Life!!

"The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Make a decision. Commit to it. Then, just wait and see....Magic.




<3,

Alex

It's a Psychological Roller Coaster

I just left a message for a Production Coordinator for this short film I'm suppose to be filming this weekend. When he calls me back, I'm going to decline.

They called me a couple of days ago saying I booked a role for their film...unfortunately, it isn't for the role I auditioned for. Instead, it's for a smaller, non-speaking part...."So, you'll be the nurse....she has no lines but, the director LOVED what you brought to the table, it's going to be great...great exposure for you....we'll be cutting to your reaction shots so even though you don't have lines..you'll still be able to express how you're feeling and you will definitely add depth to the scene.......blah blah blah."

Hmmm....
I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and thank you but, no thank you but, why shoot the messenger.
So, I asked ALOT of questions...because you just never know. And yes, initially, my Ego was hurt. I should be Lead. But, I didn't want to make my decision based on my bruised Ego so I tried to stay open and positive. I asked him for a revised copy of the script so I can see what my character was about. I told myself that no lines is harder than having lines and I can make this work.

I read it last night.

Are you fucking kidding me.

This is my character....as a nurse........................"Nurse Danielle walks out of the room."
That's it.
I had to laugh it off. Great exposure my ass.

Do I sound like a Diva? I hope not.
Because I'm listening to my heart.

Of course the "right" thing to do here is to accept it with gratitude and pay my dues. I'm all for paying dues....however, I'm sick of doing the "right" thing. And, who says taking this is actually the "right" thing to do?

Do you know it took me 5 years to convince myself that I am worthy enough to play Lead or Supporting roles? I only allowed myself Extra roles. 5 years and I am still convincing myself everyday. Everyday I look up roles on LA Casting or Actors Access...and everyday I have to tell myself "You're good enough for this".
Now, I feel I'm good enough...eh, maybe not all the time but, let's say 75%. This switch in my psyche, I earned it. You need this if you're gonna make it.

I lived 26 years of my life with "Who do you think you are?" syndrome. This syndrome had a different name to me then....Humility.

Growing up in a Korean/Christian household, humility was instilled in me from early on. If I got a lil cocky, either someone would call me out on it or I would just negate it by saying...haha, I'm so funny, it was a joke.
But it wasn't a joke. I knew then what I know now. I'm good at what I'm good at.
I don't know if I like this being humble thing anymore. Actually, I don't even think it has anything to do with humility..it's borderline low self-esteem. Oh shit.

Years later, I made the move out here. I brought with me my borderline low self-esteem...which became one of the main ingredients for my resistance. YOU know and feel what you're capable of but, YOU are not ready, YOU only know how to dream and not execute, YOU are not realistic, YOU need to do this for _________, YOU always start a million things and never finish, YOU should move back home, YOU should have a back-up plan, YOU are not trying hard enough, YOU are not a good business person, YOU YOU YOU YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

This psychological roller coaster is here to stay. I've just learned to manage it somehow.
No one or nothing can scare the shit out of me more than myself. I can be my own worst critic, my own worst enemy, but, I'm also my own bestfriend. And my bestfriend tells me the truth. She's no Pollyanna but, she does take care of all the bullshit and lies I tell myself.

I'm at a point in my career where I know my worth as an actor. I am no longer the actor that only allows herself Extra roles. I have ONE dream. I want to be a movie star. And I hope that by following my ONE dream, it will reveal what my life's purpose is really about.

This is why my dream is so precious. It's my only one and I feel way too connected to it. I will fearlessly protect it. I will fearlessly do what I have to do to keep it alive and going. It's my livelihood.
Yeah, if I listen to the 'humble' Alex, I would take the job and internally punish myself...OR, I can listen to my heart and enjoy the roller coaster ride. :)




From one dreamer to another,

Alex

Girl, where you at?

Listening to: All The Right Moves by OneRepublic



Girl, where you at?







Yaaaaaoooooowwww!

I booked TWO features in 1 week! That's pretty insane...(as I'm dusting off my shoulders). TWO FEATURE FILMS!!! My March and April has been rockin! Actually, this whole year has been a complete blessing. I'm one lucky gal.

So, as you all know the profession of acting is a gamble. It's a "You never know" kind of world. Does this excite me or does it make me feel hopeless? I bet it excites me...and it does. So, I win.

I feel like I've been on a winning streak lately. By all means, I'm not getting paid the big bucks..yet. But, I am a "working" actor and that suffices just fine.



The Good News...

I finally got a manager a couple of months ago! Thank you Maz!

So, my "Manager" said I need to get my sh*t together. I agreed. I went home and made a game plan. I need to build a sick reel so he can get me a sick Theatrical Agent. Okay, first thing's first...I'm getting a new hairdo. I want to brand myself. I want to be the Sassy Asian. Hairdo...check. Okay, now I need new headshots to show off this new hairdo. New headshots...check. Okay, now I just need to start auditioning and book some jobs! So, I started submitting myself every freakin day. I may be addicted to submitting now. I used to have a confidence issue about it...thinking...."What if they think I'm crazy for even submitting?" Who the heck cares? They look, don't like, pass. But, if they do like, then you have yourself an audition. I recently sent in pictures for this PlayBoy TV show..they were looking for a Host (no nudity). Now, mind you, I am as flat as this desk I'm typing on...I never in a million years would have thought that PlayBoy would consider me. Well, they did. I got asked to audition. I declined though for other reasons but, hey, "You Never Know".

So, 3 weeks ago, I literally auditioned everyday! Commercial stuff, theatrical stuff. By Day 3, I was like, "Cool, I feel like a pro. Let's do this." I lucked out with 2 feature film auditions. This came by Day 4 and Day 5 so all the pre-audition jitters were ancient history. I felt very calm-nervous, rather than nervous-nervous, which was a great thing...I felt more in control of my nerves..more present. I went in there...and let loose. I didn't hold anything back. I felt confident giving life to these characters through me...how I would act, react..let choices naturally happen. It started to become fun. If I got to read again, I'd make different bold choices. I felt like a little girl playing. Then, I walked out of the auditions and felt satisfied enough that I did my thing and if I didn't get it, it's simply because I wasn't "right" for the part. That's that. But, it was just way too much fun in there. My sixth sense kicked in and I felt a tingle.

A couple of days later, I got 2 emails requesting for 2 different callbacks. Whaaaaaat. Who gets 2 callbacks in one week?

Cut to: Go to my callbacks and some days later, "Congrats, you've been cast" TWICE. Whaaaaaaat. Who books 2 features in 1 week?! I do.

Had our first meeting for one of the features this week and found out that I'll be walking the red carpet this July for their premiere gala! They'll also be showing a trailer of the feature! Woo hoo! You know, I'm gonna look good.

Then in June, I shoot the other feature! This one's a bad ass horror film..I get ______.



I have 3 auditions lined up for Monday. I think I will submit more...I like the feeling of auditioning consistently...it helps it become more professional and less personal.

If Kathy Griffin is a D-List Celebrity, (and I just googled her name to make sure it's Griffin and not Griffith) according to my StarMeter, I'm probably at around P Q R...maybe L M N O. Well, let's keep climbing.