Everything and Nothing is in your hands...

I have been super duper lucky these past weeks.
I have been auditioning everyday. Yep, everyday, at least one or two.
Then, getting callbacks for each one.
:) ting!
I'm not even joking. EV-VERY commercial audition I have been on, I have either gotten a callback, been on avail, or booked it. (Thank you Chris Game for the best commercial workshop ever).

But, I'm feeling a lil blue today. I know why.
I don't like it when it gets quiet.

I just got back from a callback and I feel terrible.
The callback was for Timberland(boot) and Pam, the casting director was the most amazing person to audition for. The first audition, she had me try it 4 or 5 times, giving me feedback each time. Rare. I guess I wasn't quite delivering but, she wanted me to. She kept saying "I like you, I love your look." She was rooting for me...thank you Pam.
Then, today happened and I feel like I let her down. I let me down too but, I let her down. If I heard correctly, before I even slated, she was telling the clients, "This is Alexandra, she's in our Top 4". Uh, now I'm really freakin nervous! I did my thing and a guy with Timberland said "Ok, let's go again but, this time, be a little more upbeat and don't speak until the camera is out of your face."
"Got it." I said.
I went again. I didn't do what I said I'd do. He stopped me pretty quickly and said "Don't speak until you get the camera out of your face." "Yes, of course." I replied. I did it again. This time, I did what was asked but, now I was more nervous than ever so I rushed the whole thing. I felt my hands and arms tense and shaky. My face muscles were doing their own thing. I was a mess. And that was it. My time was up.
I thanked them all and walked out of there with a smile but, I wanted to chuck myself down the stairs.

I don't have more auditions lined up for this week. Nor next week. Maybe that's why I put too much pressure on this one.
When it was auditions galore, I felt very carefree..."eh, on to the next" attitude helped me be me in the room. I was committed to that "flow" and now, it's changing course. But, I get it. Just as I committed to that flow, I have to commit to this one....and whatever that may be. And right now, blogging is what I'm supposed to be doing. Come to think of it, I haven't had time to blog or vlog, and it's been bothering me.

Light bulb. ting! ting! ting! ting! ting!

Hey! I'm blogging!
I'm feeling better and better as we type.
Learning to surrender to the greater plan. And that plan is between me and God. I have been trying to create some quiet space everyday and when I do, I get blessed with A-ha moments. Nice.


Everything and Nothing is in your hands.


<3,

Alex