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Dear Diary,
Here's my offering to you this week....
* I received another residual check for Criminal Minds. This one has been the biggest one yet. It almost covers my next rent!!
A few posts back, I wrote about the book, The Instant Millionaire. I'm learning about the wealth mentality, peeps. And I asked God/The Universe, "When am I getting my next check? It would be nice to get one soon." The check came in the mail the next day. No joke.
Now on to the main attraction.....
Strange things have been happening.
The last two projects I booked, fell through.
I book it and then I don't end up shooting.
First
A friend of a friend contacts me for a feature she's producing. I get the audition. I decline due to schedule conflicts. Plus, when I got the sides, no lines...pretty much a featured extra. Two weeks later, I get contacted by the producer via email and text that the director would really like me to audition and if it's possible, to put myself on tape. Sides have been emailed. I check. Lines. And I was available for the shoot dates. Perfect. I put myself on tape and emailed that baby out. The director loves me and they definitely want to cast me. Since I read for 5 different roles, they said they would let me know after they decide which role to cast me as. Next day I hear back that they want to actually write in a part for me but, they have to check with budgeting. Day after, I get a text message that they're still working on it. The day after that, I hear back again that they couldn't get the budget for it AND I no longer have the part(s) I originally auditioned for. They apologized and thanked me abundantly. And I do believe that they tried but, it just wasn't meant to work out. I wish them a great shoot.
Second
I book a web-series. But first, cut to: callback. I get to the callback and find out that there is no callback. I wasn't notified. But, the good news is I booked the part. I call my manager as soon as I get out and find out that it doesn't pay. Hmmmm. As you know I made a promise to myself about two years ago to no longer take jobs that don't pay (self-worth and self-esteem related). I've stuck to my guns and I have been paid for EVERY SINGLE job. But, here's the thing...I've had to turn down jobs. As scary as it was, I had to learn to start saying NO to working for free. I knew my manager understood but, I thought I could just give a little. So, I took the job, thinking "at least the role is fun and I get my copy for my new reel." I also made sure they promised to give me my copy. So, onward and upward. Rehearsal dates and shoot dates kept changing and it's been difficult to coordinate an ensemble casts schedule. I understand. However, the last two rehearsals, I showed up to, were canceled. I never got the memo. After the first time, I made sure to ask to have the email resent to me just in case it had info about the next rehearsal. They confirmed they would. Again, I never got the memo. Three times I showed up to a canceled event. It wasn't about me learning my lesson, now it was about professionalism and work ethic. I wrote them a sincere email pulling out of the project. They apologized abundantly as well but, there's really nothing much to be said or done. I just don't think it was meant to be, that's all. I wish them a great shoot.
Actually, something similar happened with a commercial too. The casting director calls me directly (which normally does not happen because casting directors don't call talent unless you're not represented) and pretty much says you got it, we just gotta figure out which role to cast you as. Then, nothing. So, that's three. Weird, right?!
Would you be mad? I'm not. I'm just perplexed.
I feel strangely detached from them. It is what it is. I'm just wondering if there's a reason for them. Because there's a pattern, yes?
I am feeling excited though. Because I know how Life works. Cycles. I feel a new cycle in the horizon. I feel new opportunities coming. I'm also doing my part to create new opportunities. Maybe that's why I'm not pissed. Like there's this intuitive knowing that this is actually ALL GOOD. These NO's are YES's to shit that's meant for me. And when you crash into something or someone you're meant to, Life feels good, fun, easy, and magical.
I've been meditating with Oprah and Deepak....I think meditating's really good for me.
What's interesting is that this whole year, I feel like I've been creatively blocked, which shut me down in other ways too. Maybe that's why those didn't work out. I'm feeling less blocked these days. That's all that matters because I know when I start feeling better, everything else gets better. I feel like I'm waking up again. Ha! Yup, Spring's here. :)
Let's see how Life unfolds for you and me next week.
Have a muddafuggin THRIVING week, peeps!
with MAAAAD LOVE,
x Alex
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