Photo by Cammy Kinney Photography.
This was an impromptu photoshoot that we shot in my backyard. Creative magic always happen when Cammy and I collaborate. So sad she's moving to Texas. I love you and miss you already, friend! Thank you for my beautiful photo. More photos to come soon.
Dear Diary,
Here's my offering to you this week.....
* I'm super stoked to be a part of the project, 'Commodity'. It was my first booking of 2014. We shot the promo trailer for its Indiegogo campaign. It's now live. Here's the link. I'd love it if you can donate but, at the very least, please watch the video! It's so good. I was blown away. I feel very honored to be a part of it. Thank you in advance.
http://igg.me/at/CommodityFeatureFilm
Now on to the main attraction.....
Truth?
I don't feel like doing crap these days.
The movements that are happening in my life right now are making me lazy with work. Or, I'd like to think of it as, "I'm adjusting to my new world."
I have two huge energies exiting and entering.
My best friend of 4 years is moving back to her hometown in Texas tomorrow. We've been inseparable since we first met. Our creative lives, our spiritual lives, and our love lives flourished parallel to one another which allowed for us to learn valuable lessons together. And boy, did we learn lessons.
We learned how to heal ourselves through our work.
We learned about team work.
We learned about work ethic.
We learned about commitment and integrity with ourselves and with our work.
We learned how to communicate in a healthy way. How to express our emotions with kindness. How to receive expressions with kindness.
We learned how to say Thank You even when there's a lump in your throat.
We learned how to say I'm Sorry even when there's a lump in your throat.
We learned how to just listen and not jump in with unsolicited advice.
We learned to how to have compassion for ourselves and each other.
We learned how to not take things personally.
We learned that some boys just suck.
We learned that The One does exist.
We learned that how The Ego really works.
We learned what Self-Love really means.
We learned how to let go.
We learned when to stay and stick it out.
We learned about balance.
We learned how to listen to our own hearts and guts.
Just some things.
Then, I'm dating someone. No stranger though. We dated 7 years ago for 6 months. Didn't even stay friends after that until very recently. Feels like no time has passed though. Feels like nothing really changed except we have more lessons under our belts. He's my other best friend. Unlike my bestie and I, he and I learned our lessons apart. And boy, did we learn lessons.
We learned how to communicate in a healthy way. How to express our emotions with kindness. How to receive expressions with kindness. (I'm still learning this one with him.)
We learned how to say Thank You even when there's a lump in your throat. (More my lesson.)
We learned how to say I'm Sorry even when there's a lump in your throat. (More my lesson.)
We learned how to just listen and not jump in with unsolicited advice. (More my lesson.)
We learned to how to have compassion for ourselves and each other. (More my lesson.)
We learned how to not take things personally. (Possibly more my lesson.)
We learned how much 'having space' means to the both of us. It's asking for it and giving it without conditions.
We learned about mutual respect. (I know for me, it started with self-respect first.)
We learned about unconditional love. (More my lesson.)
We learned about Self-Love. (I definitely did.)
We learned about honoring ourselves and each other. (I'm good about honoring my truth but, listening and honoring the other person's is not easy for me. Getting there.)
We learned about partnership. (There are layers to a healthy and grounded relationship....one at a time. It takes time!)
We learned about our deep connection to a Higher Power.
We learned about our dark sides. I don't think neither of us have fully embraced it but, it's nice to know that he's not afraid of mine....or grossed out by mine.
Just some things.
So, with these two great bonds in my life, my bff making her way out and my bf making his way in, to create a new paradigm in my life, there are parts of me and parts of my life that I am saying goodbye to, and then saying hello to new ones. For example, my guy and I have completely different sleep schedules. Depending on when we spend time together, it takes a toll on somebody. I'll compromise, but not without a fight. I'm finding myself trying to hold on to my old paradigm like a control freak because change is scary.
Life is about changes ....constantly. And it requires of us to bring flexibility and the ability to adjust well to its movements. I always picture water when I think of this. MOVE like water, Alex. First, there's gotta be movement. If there's no flow, water can get stagnant, gross, smelly, and toxic. Second, choose to go downstream. Why feel like I'm going against the current by trying to go upstream? In any given moment. we have free will and choice. Choose to feel good. Or at least choose to not suffer.
So, I'm grieving and celebrating these changes in my life in a weird way.
I'm curious to see what emerges, who emerges. All I know is, I hope to become more bad ass.
P.S. I'm still feeling extremely lazy. Getting my ass motivated to do any kind of work is a chore for me right now. I just want to remain in my fantasy bubble and not have to worry about paying bills, booking jobs, coming up with new video blog ideas, emailing people back, keeping up with my social media accounts, signing up for casting director workshops, researching for new head shot photographers, returning phone calls and/or text messages, bathing my dog, eating (sometimes), sleeping, taking showers, putting on makeup, breathing....so pretty much anything and everything is exhausting for me right now. These energy shifts are good excuses to not do sh*t.
P.P.S I'm cracking up right now. It feels good to not sugar-coat that I'm not having a very THRIVING moment.
Anyway, have a THRIVING week, peeps!
with MAAAAAAD LOVE,
x Alex
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