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Here's my offering to you this week......
* Went to the screening for Lisa Ling's documentary, "God and Gays". It was so powerful and moving. I was raised a Protestant. I used to be a Sunday school teacher. Growing up, I used to believe being gay was a sin. Ain't that some shit?
Congratulations to all my gays! Let me know if you need a bridesmaid. :D
And that woman (Lisa Ling) is one awesome journalist. Thanks to my coach Suzanne, I got to meet her and her husband. I have a journalism degree so that was a huge treat for me.
Kelly, Suzanne, Lisa, and me.
* Here are some pics from my last photoshoot. Will post more as they come. I'm a ham.....love taking pics! Check out their website! www.boardwalk-style.com
So glaaaaaamorous dahling. :)
Now on to the main attraction....
What's Personal is Universal.
This is what my coach/mentor/friend, Suzanne tells me all the time.
It's true.
The more personal you are with your work, the more universal it is.
As artists...we want to inspire. And the more the merrier, right? So we try to figure out what 'sells'. We try to write, sing, act, dance for the masses. We get too general that we and our work gets diluted in the process. And who wants diluted, mediocre shit? It's fucking boring and inauthentic. And you've heard that saying, "You're trying too hard." You never have to try as long as you get personal.
But, it's scary getting personal. It's scary to let people know who you really are. It's scary and in some cases....even embarrassing.
It's scary and embarrassing to let people know that I daydream about being the first Asian-American to win an Oscar for Best Actress and how I used to daydream about it since I was a little girl. It's scary and embarrassing to let people know that I fantasize about how I will meet my future husband one day. It's scary and embarrassing to let people know how afraid I am of losing people and things I love so much that I'll medicate myself to oblivion so I don't have to feel and deal. It's scary and embarrassing to let people know how angry I really am, how unloved I really feel at times, how sad I really am, how judgmental I can be, how needy I can be, how crazy I really feel, how alone I really feel, how depressed I really feel, how compassionate I really feel, how grateful I really feel, how mushy I really feel, etc..... It's. Fucking. Scary.
"What if they think I'm full of myself?"
"What if they think, 'Who the fuck does she think she is?'"
"What if they think I'm a lazy piece of shit?"
"What if they think I'm a liar and a fraud?"
"What if they think I'm an attention whore?"
"What if they think I'm a dirtbag and I can't get my shit together?"
I start all my storytelling shows with this....."I have heard this expression, 'We are only as sick as our secrets'. So, can I tell you guys a secret?"
I air it out. I have to. It's for my survival. And for my happiness. Whether it's about how much I love myself or how much I hate myself. I let them go, and somehow the shame goes along with it.
The ironic thing is....you may feel very alone with your thoughts, daydreams, fantasies, addictions, dirty little secrets, etc....but, you're not. We ALL have them. We ALL live them. Circumstances may be different, but, the CORE of it....is the same.
And at the end of the day, we just want to connect. We just want to feel like somebody else 'gets it'. We just want to love and feel loved. We just want to feel like we belong.
I kept my pot addiction a secret for a long time. My family doesn't know so my writing this on my blog even.....BALLS. I kept it a secret because when I tried telling people, the response I would get is, "You're not addicted. You can't get addicted to it. It's a soft drug. Actually, it's not even a drug! It's natural!" Nobody takes pot seriously so I thought I was the only loser, the only crazy one. Alex, this will be our little secret. The secret was killing me.
So, I would 'out' myself more....with friends, with my work (blogging and storytelling shows). Guess what? There are others out there like me. That have been waking and baking, don't like it anymore, feeling like a slave to it but, still doing it, can't stop, and pretending like it's still recreational shit when it clearly is not anymore, and privately feeling shame from it since not many people take it seriously. When this kind of connection takes place, it feels real and deep. I feel seen, I feel like I'm seeing the person I'm connecting with.......seeing the truth.
The fucking Truth. This is my responsibility as an artist. To be courageous and willing enough to express Truth. And the only way you can express YOUR Truth is to get personal. Start with YOU first. Because you'll see YOUR Truth is our Truth.
No matter what your craft is.......acting, writing, singing, dancing......get so fucking personal that it scares the shit out of you. I'll see you there.
I feel like I cursed a lot in this post. Fuck it. :D I wonder if there's an addiction to cursing?
Have a THRIVING week my warriors!
with MAAAAAD LOVE,
x Alex
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