'Self-Love And Acceptance For The Type A'. Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 12.

Kelsey Edwards Photography

Retouches by Natalia Fedner Design

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

Now on to the main attraction.........

I am so Type A, it's scary funny.  

I'm either the best person to go on vacation with, or the worst.  

I went to Vegas this past weekend with one of my best friends.  Her brother had a show so we decided to drive there and see him.   I had a ball (in hindsight).  There were parts of the trip where I freaked out because I was feeling out of control.  I noticed it starting with packing.  I practically shoved half of my closet into a suitcase for fear of not having anything to wear.  Mind you, we were only there Thursday-Saturday.  I kept telling myself, "Just in case I want to change 10 times a day.  Just in case I HAVE TO change 10 times a day."  Really?  I ended up wearing maybe 3 different outfits.  Then I got mad (secretly) at my friend who asked, not tell, merely asked if I wanted to leave around 9 or 10am rather than 6am, like we had planned.  I huffed and puffed and agreed to leaving at 10.  All I could think was, "We were suppose to leave at 6.  She's so lazy."  Of course, the morning of, I was so glad we left when we did.  Then, we get there, we do our thing and the next morning rolls along.  I get up early, wake her up, and verbally coerce her into getting our day started.  We walk around the strip for a bit, do a little shopping, lay out by the pool, and get ready to go out.  We go out, she gets smashed.  She ended up losing her purse and car keys.  Oh fuck.  "How the hell are we going to get back to our hotel?  How the hell are we going to get back home now?"  All I wanted to do was slap the shit out of my friend.  As we backtracked all over Green Valley Ranch casino to look for her purse and keys, I was heated.  I was fuming from my pores.  Normally, if your friend is so drunk and she can barely walk, you help her.  Not me.  I say, "You're on your own.  You brought this on yourself."  I did keep turning around to make sure she was still behind me though.  Have you ever seen a gerbil or hamster just before it dies?  It leans up against the wall of the cardboard box...it has no balance or energy.  That what she looked like, just sliding up against the wall to stay up.  Still, no sympathy from me.

We got back to our hotel 4/4:30am.  We had to check out that morning.  I got up early to pack.  When she finally woke up, we had a 'talk'.  I was just too angry with her to hold it in.  "If I hadn't been sober, we would have never figured out that valet had the car keys, we would have never gotten back to our hotel, we would not be able to check out on time, and we would be stranded in Vegas!   We would be fucked right now!  Thank you, Alex!"  

That's my side of the story.

Her side is simpler.  She missed her brother and she was just having too much fun partying with him.

That pissed me off even more that she didn't think ahead or about the repercussions of partying too hard.  Just then, the other side of me, my Higher Self kept nagging at me.  All I kept hearing was, "Do you want to be right?  Or do you want to be kind?"  Once I committed to being kind, my Higher Self showed me something else..........where my anger was coming from.  It wasn't from her.  It was from me.  

I was angry with myself because I couldn't be simple.  I couldn't think simple.  I couldn't feel simple.  Everything has to mean something, everything is cause and effect, everything has to be profound.  I like to maximize, I like to optimize, I like to be efficient, I like to be on-top-of-things, I like to feel in control, I like being hyper-aware/hyper-conscious.  Then there's the other side of me that doesn't like it at all.  All I want to do is not give a shit, let loose, and check the fuck out.  But, I'll never let that happen....especially in front of people.

I was jealous that she was doing what I wouldn't allow myself to do.  

The funny thing is, she and I are alike in so many ways.  And she rarely lets herself go like that.  I'm glad at least one of us did....it is Vegas, after all.  I guess she felt comfortable enough with her brother and best friend to just let go.  If only I could let go.  Compassion and understanding began sinking in, for myself and for her.

We listened, talked, and laughed.  I began filling her in on details.  Speaking of details, in case you're wondering about her purse, it was in the backseat of her car the whole time.  It was like the Hangover but, female version.  We decided, we did Vegas right.  

I'm learning to be more flexible, more light, more fluid, and more easy.  I'm learning to be kind over being right.  My friend offered that whenever I wanted to 'let go', she'll make sure everything else is in control so I can relax.  Hahahaha!  What a great friend.  ;)

One good thing about me and my friends, we talk things out.  We don't hold grudges, we listen, we say "I'm sorry" and/or "Thank You" and we hold space for one another to feel and express.  That's love.

I'm lucky to have solid friendships in my life that allow me to grow as a human being and spiritual being.  

Love you friend.

  

Here are a few pics for your perusal.  

For my Asian readers....isn't this hilarious?!

Taking in Death Valley.

This is what 'letting go' looks like ya'll!

We'll always have Vegas.  :)

So, can you let go of (some) control this week?  Can you be kind over being right?

Have a great week.

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex