Dear Diary,
Here's my offering to you this week.....
*** GOT A SHOW COMING UP PEEPS!!! ***
Remember my goal this year is to do LIVE shows??
Show #1 of 2013!! Yeeeaaahhhh!!!
Come hear me tell a story! Theme for this show is bad/worst Valentine's.
WHEN? Sunday, FEBRUARY 17TH, 2013 @ 8:30pm-9:30pm.
WHERE? ioWest/Improv Olympic's Del Close Theater.
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
The show is FREEEEEE. Also FREE wine and snacks.
I don't know how my story or performance will turn out but, one thing's for sure........Imma look FAB-U-LOUS. HOLLA. ;)
Now on to the main attraction....
This is sort of piggyback-ing from last week's post.
Reality sucks ass. Well, sometimes. I'm the master at escaping reality. I'll go on a far far trip into my head. Thought begets thought, and so I get lost in it.
My train of thoughts...
"I better not be breaking out again."
"Why did I eat the whole bag of jalapeno chips?"
"I'm never satisfied with anything these days. Why does everyone else seem like they are? Fuck everybody."
"Actually, fuck that bitch from yesterday. What I should have said was, 'Listen you cunt, no one fucking asked you so shut your mouth.'"
"Oh God. What's wrong with me? Why am I so nasty?"
"I hate feeling this way. Why can't I be more pleasant?"
"Mom's right. I should smile more."
"I should be a better daughter. I suck at having healthy relationships."
"My brain isn't working. Why isn't my brain working right now?"
"I've been doing all this work on myself......what the fuck is taking so long?"
"When is my goddamn life gonna start?"
"Am I doing what I'm suppose to be doing? Because if I am, I'm confused."
"Am I going to get married?"
"I wonder if I'll end up marrying a Korean guy. He better look like Daniel Henney."
"Do I even want to get married?"
"Why doesn't he show more affection? He should show more if he cared."
"Why is dating so annoying?"
"Do I even know what I want?"
"Why can't I ask for what I want?"
"Why am I so judgmental? Why do I beat myself up so much? Why can't I have more compassion for
myself? I suck."
I can keep going. And this was all in under a minute. You know how it is. You can't stop it. Then you start seeing montages in your head of examples that support these thoughts and stories. Then you start feeling certain feelings associated with those visuals and they are in conflict with reality...with WHAT IS. BAM! Suffering, inner war has begun. You suffer when your 'story' is different from reality. Click Here to watch one of Katie's videos where she gives you a reality check. She breaks it dowwwn.
Good news is,
Peace is possible.
Through inquiry. There is power in inquiry.
I'm practicing Byron Katie's, 'The Work' right now. I also just finished reading her book, A Thousand Names For Joy and have been watching her youtube videos.
What is 'The Work'?
It's four simple questions and a turnaround (an opposite) to help you find clarity and some inner damn peace. ;)
Peace is what happens when a thought arises, you take notice, and you experience it without attachment to it. When the mind understands the mind. Peace is the acceptance of reality, of WHAT IS. And just that. Katie believes reality is God....loving reality is loving God.
So, how does 'The Work' work?
You write down a thought.
For example, "He should show more affection if he cared".
Then you ask and answer four questions.
1. Is it true?
Yes. Because if he really cared, he would want to be more affectionate with me.
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
No.
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
I feel angry and rageful towards him. I feel frustrated. I feel rejected. I feel tense around my jaw and shoulders. My breathing becomes very shallow. I give him attitude about little things.
4. Who would you be without that thought?
I would be a calm person. I would feel more peaceful and easygoing. I would have more time and energy to do things for myself and for others....happily.
Then, the turnaround. You write down the opposite of your thought.
For example, "He shouldn't show more affection if he cared". Then write down ways he shouldn't show more affection.
This can have more turnarounds.
"I should show more affection with him." Then write down ways I should show more affection with him.
"I should show more affection with me." Then write down ways I should show more affection with me.
'The Work' takes patience. It takes understanding. And there's no right or wrong answer. Whatever your answer is, is.
Katie believes it's a great way to meditate because it's a deep contemplation. And if you're a Type A like me, you'll like this process. Sometimes 'meditating' traditionally meant to just dissolve all thoughts away. That's not so easy all the time. It's too mysterious. Give me something tangible to work with. I need structure. With the questions, you're free to have thoughts, hold still and focus on something specific.
If peace is what you're seeking, try 'The Work' and see what happens. It only takes a willingness, courage, and honesty. Some thoughts may be too scary. Some thoughts may be stubborn. Some thoughts may make you feel like they could kill you if you thought about them any more. Some thoughts may make you feel like you could kill somebody else if you thought about them any more. Some thoughts may make you laugh maniacally because you see the insanity in it. Some thoughts may be too sad and all you can do is cry. But, if you can go there, there's something on the other side. I don't know what but, what have you got to lose? I'll see there.
Enjoy the ride to the unknown. With a healthy dose of reality check. :)
Til next week!
with LOVE,
Alex
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