What an exhausting but wonderful week. I just finished my Intensive Workshop with Larry Moss and it kicked my ass. I really want to work on plays now. Wow. But there was no better way to get back into it after my long vacation.
And now after an intense two weeks, I'm sad that it's over. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to share the experience with. It was like family. We spoke the same language. It was artists, just artists, coming together to learn how to make our lives and the world a better place...through acting. And it didn't matter who you were, what show or film you worked on, not worked on, who your parents were, how long you've been acting, each of us checked our Egos at the door and that theater was filled with camaraderie. We sympathized with one another, we rooted for one another, and this beautiful energy began with Larry.
I learned a lot about life and acting but, Larry gave me one incredible advice...and I'm taking it. While giving notes to me after my first work, he asked "Do your parents help you?". I answered, "Huh?" He said, "Do your parents help you financially?" I said, "Errrr, um, yes, a little bit." He said, "Stop it." Now, I don't think I was wearing my 'MOOCHER' shirt on that day but somehow he knew. He said to stop taking even a penny from them and to take full responsibility of my own dream, my own career. You see, he's absolutely right. The "Oh sh*t" I was thinking and feeling was a sign that he's absolutely right. This was something I've been thinking about but feared it was true...so, what do you naturally do when something scares the crap out of you....you ignore it and pretend it's not real. That's what I have been doing. Oh geeeeee whiiiiiiz.
With getting financial support, there's guilt associated with that. And the guilt isn't necessarily towards my parents, it's really towards myself. This guilt is a reflection on me, towards me, because I know deep down that I'm capable of owning my dream 100% and I have the ability to fulfill it on my own, on my own terms. I owe that to me and my dream. Even if I were the daughter to a kabillionaire, I'm sure I'd feel guilty for taking my parents money because, I am ME, I am my own identity with my own dreams. This is what the TRUE ME is telling me and instead of feeling and enabling the low vibrational thought and feeling, I can turn it around in 3 steps....1. Acknowledge this feeling of guilt instead of pretending it's not there, 2. See why I'm feeling this way on a deeper level or why I'm ignoring this feeling on a deeper level, and 3. Figure out what changes need to be made and make them. (Shiver) I'm shivering just thinking about it, really. But, I want to stay here in LA, I want to keep acting, I want to take classes, I want to write and produce my own films, I want to do a one-woman show, I want my dream to LIVE. I'm a big DREAMer but, I can't neglect the real world. So, I'm gonna have to get a day job. I'm going to make it happen and go all the way for it. I quote this quote all the time but, now it's making even more sense.......
'The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."
-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
I know deep down in my heart...you know that little voice inside you that tells you the truth all the time...well, that little voice is telling me very LOUDLY that, THAT is my actual first step. Yes, workshopping, taking classes, and auditioning is important...but, that's the easy part. The hard part is really committing to my dream 100%...and for me, it starts with ridding myself of this guilt. Back to the drawing board for Alex.
So, you're doing everything you can but, something isn't clicking...or something else is holding you back.....do you know what that can be?? It's probably something so obvious yet so scary. Take a look and see. Let's figure this out so we can make our dreams come true. :)
Event and News Updates:
* Sitcom Premier of 'Three Guys and A Couch" by Legacy Pictures Entertainment
May 26, 2011 8pm-10pm
Dim Mak Studios/Cinespace
I'm in this playing a funny and cute lil Asian. :)
And here's the Trailer for it!
3 Guys & a Couch Trailer from Steven Hauber on Vimeo.
* My good friend Olanna Taskey just came out with her new single and it's available on iTunes!!! Lend a ear!!!
And in the spirit of Comedy...because I used to say I won't play parts that require "Asian" things....like accents BUT, I've been actually having fun. Here are some videos for you to LAUGH OUT LOUD to. :)
Korean Beauty Music Video by Tall Giraffe Production
Yellow Fever by Adam Bobrow
Last Week's Goals: Larry Moss Intensive and NCIS workshop
Update: Done and Done!
This Week's Goals: Revise Day Job Resume, Revise Theatrical Resume, Manager Showcase on Tuesday!
Have a great week and thank you so much for reading. :) :)
with LOVE,
Alex
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