Television, here I come! Week 9. 'Oscar and Me'

Oh the Oscar's...

I enjoyed it very much.  It's been some years since I last watched it.  I've been avoiding it (my version of throwing a fit) because I think I was....uh, jealous.  Hahaha..silly, right?  I can honestly say I was jealous that I couldn't be there..and because I didn't know how else to express it, I acted like I could care less about it..."Who cares about an award?", "Who cares about who's wearing what?", "I don't care, I don't care, I don't care."   Can you imagine me with my arms crossed, lips out, and kicking my legs?  

Truth be told...I cared too much.  I care very much.  The Oscar's.  I'm not gonna lie, if there is one defining moment in my career, it would be to win an Oscar.  Yes, I want one.  I've always wanted one.

I have a funny, but cute story....

I was in high school.  I got up like I usually do and started getting ready for school.  It was a nice Spring morning in Brooklyn.  I jumped out of bed (dragged myself out of bed), threw on the radio (Z100) and went to take a shower.  I had a routine...shower, hair, make-up, and then get dressed.  I sat down in front of my long mirror, blow drying my hair, and singing along to whatever song was on.  With my hair flying all over the place, I could barely see my face so I had my eyes closed...then it hit me...a daydream.  Daydreams get me at any given time and when it does, I'm a goner.  I get so sucked into it.  I was all of sudden going to the Oscar's.......as a nominee.  Cut to, they're about to announce the winner....guess who won.  Yup, me.  With my blow dryer, I mean my Oscar in my hand, I gave the most powerful acceptance speech...so powerful that it felt so real, so real that I started crying. 
I got up and held the Oscar tightly and thanked everyone I could remember.  My parents, God, my friends, my family, my director, etc....you know the drill.  Who knows how long I was in this trance. 

Next thing I know, my mom was standing a couple of feet away from me ready to shake me out of it.  She looked scared.  "What the hell is wrong with you?  Why are you crying?"  Oh my gosh, I was so embarassed.  What could I tell her?  That humiliation quickly turned into anger and I yelled at her.  "Why don't you knock?!  Get out!"  Apparently, she knocked a couple of times, I just didn't hear her...remember, the radio and blow dryer were on. 

I haven't thought about this in such a long time and as I write and reminisce, I can't stop cracking up right now.  I remember being so mad at my mom for intruding and catching me in such a vulnerable moment but, now, I'm glad we shared that together.  I think I will bring it up in our next conversation.  Who knew that girl in Brooklyn would eventually end up in Hollywood.  I feel extremely blessed.  I did it.  I'm another step closer to my dream.  I'm here, I'm doing it. 

So, watching the Oscar's last night, cemented my love for what I do.  The camaraderie, the history, the nerves, the dreams, the joy, the dresses, the hair, the make-up, the show, the love, the passion, everything choked me up.  Having pursued acting for 6 years now, I know how much you have to love this to stay in it.  And when you get love and support from others, it makes the journey that much easier and bearable.  I read one time Sandra Oh said, and don't quote me on this..."Pursue acting only if it pains you not to."  I know this.  I feel this.  This isn't your typical nine to five job...this is about learning about yourself, in the most honest way possible, loving yourself in the most complete way possible, and believing in yourself in the most fearless way possible.  Yes, you don't 'need' the recognition but, if you got an award for all the hard work you put in, wouldn't it bring you to your knees??  I was so happy for each winner and nominees.  All well-deserved.

Regardless, you win or not, you're a part of something bigger.  Bigger than you.  You come together with fellow filmmakers...it doesn't get better than that.  I can only hope to join them soon.  So, I will continue writing my future acceptance speech.  I will continue daydreaming about  it (it's become more detailed now).  I will continue feeling the gratitude I will feel on that day.  Oh, I can't wait!

So, have you written your acceptance speech?  You should.  And I hope to see you there one day.  Let's walk the red carpet together, throw high fives at one another, share tears of joy together, and thank one another.  :*)



Last Week's Goal:  Mail outs.

Update:  Done.

This Week's Goal:  I'm just going to relax and be patient.  I do daily self submissions so that's good enough for this week.  I just want to hang out with friends and work-out.  Plus, I'm getting ready for a big trip...I'm going to Korea for a month!  So, there's much to do.  I'm living life.

Oh yeah!  I got a new hairdo.  Got it straightened...Bye bye curls!
Here's some pics.  I love my hair.  :)

Enjoy your week.


with LOVE,

Alex