Television, here I come! Week 7. 'Happy Valentine's Day'

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your loved ones. 



Relationships.

Cultivating relationships comes with the territory in this business.  All relationships take time and commitment.  But, have I been committed to the most important person in my life??  Me?

I'm not only an actress, but a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend, a cousin, an aunt, a mommy (to my doggie Bells), a client, a student, a product, a consumer, etc.  Relationships.  And of course the perfectionist in me wants to be the perfect "______" to, and for everyone.  But, what about to myself?  How much time and commitment do I dedicate to myself?

I recently started seeing a Kinesiologist to help get my body and mind back on track, the natural way.  My doctor does muscle testing where my body literally tells him/me the balances or imbalances in me.  Think of it like Science meets Eastern medicine minus anything invasive.  My doctor can also figure out certain energy blocks and clear them because, again, my body tells him (sort of like acupuncture but no pins).  With his help, I'm gradually developing an awareness of my precious body.  Finally, I'm listening.

Because I'm committed to getting healthy, I've been seeing him weekly.  It's going on Week 3 now.  I've changed my diet, which is a lifestyle change and I take herbal supplements three times a day.  I don't miss it.  Also, I'm cleansing my body of toxins (mercury, mold, aluminum)...I'm still eating but, sticking to food that's good for me.  And as you know, any kind of detox takes commitment, and committed I am! 

The last visit, he asked me if he can clear away some things emotionally.  I was a little confused but curious.  I hopped right back on the table.  Do you guys remember one of my posts called 'My Beautiful Monster'?  I wrote about how my being acne prone is probably linked to emotional toxins I was holding in?  You see, writing that post helped me understand it intellectually but living it and believing it can get hard when you're an actress(where your face is your product) and you're frequently breaking out. 

I laid back down on the cushioned table and he said "Put your arm up".  This is how they muscle test.  You hold one arm up and he asks specific questions.  He tries to bring your arm down and all the while you try to resist it.  With each question, my arm stay strong or get weak.  You must stay open and clear-minded through this.  Trust that your body knows better than you and wants to take care of you....just listen to it.

He began asking questions rapidly and a little under his breath..so there's no time to think on my end nor could I clearly hear what he was saying at the time...it's all my body.  "Is the acne hormonal?", "Is it with her career?", "Is it with relationships with family?"  "With friends?", "Is it stress?", "Is it emotional?",  arm got weak.  He asked, "How long?  2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12", arm got weak again.  He asked me how old I was and minus 12 years.  What happened 12 years ago?  Well, I was in high school and who really ever enjoys their high school days, right?  He said, "Alex, your acne isn't hormonal like you think it is, it's more emotional.  You've been holding onto something for about 12 years.  It's ok, let's clear it a bit today."  He told me to repeat after him "I love my face"....I made a face like "oh, come on" but, said, "I love my face",  "I love my skin" - "I love my skin", "I am beautiful" - "I am beautiful".  Oh jeez this was feeling so silly and uncomfortable.  He continued, "I am beautiful inside and out" - "I am beautiful inside and out", "I forgive myself" - "I forgive myself", "I forgive myself for being mean to my face" - "I forgive myself for being mean to my face".  A lump in my throat.  I didn't want to repeat anymore.  He continued, "I forgive myself for not loving my skin and my face" - "I forgive myself for not loving my skin and my face", "I forgive myself for not loving me for the past 12 years" - "I forgive myself for not loving...".  Twelve years, twelve years of anger, hurt and pain shot up my body..starting from stomach, to my chest, my throat, my face, and exploded out of my eyes.  I sat up quickly and sobbed.  I saw bits and pieces of my life twelve years ago...things I buried so deep, were asking for its place in my life now.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" was all I could say.  I'm sorry to the little Alex, the young girl, the teenager, the young woman, to me now.  I couldn't even catch my breath but, I kept saying "I'm sorry".

Five minutes passed, which felt like eternity but it felt perfect and wonderful.  I cleaned up my face and got still for a second...I felt like the old me...not the new me, but the old me, the true me.  When I left the office, I couldn't stop giggling.  I had the giggles all by myself...walking to my car, I was giggling, driving in my car, I was giggling.  Oh, thank God for Bluetooth these days.  :)

I forgave myself a little that day.  There's more work to be done but, it's all a process.  But, I started.  I'm beginning to understand TRUE LOVE.  It's gotta start here first.  In me first.  With me first.  Only then can I give the love, be the love that's inside me.  Only then can I give my best to the world...because the world deserves my best.  Everybody in my life, including me, deserves my best

I'm not gonna lie...I'm only human and I need some daily dose of TLC.  And it's completely FREE.  Where do I get mine?  TheDailyLove or TheBraveGirlsClub (sign up for their Daily Truths).   I love these because they help me get my day started.  I now wake up, treat myself to a damn good breakfast and read, watch, or listen to some inspiring things and get to work.

I welcome LOVE into my life.  I welcome relationships into my life.  But, I will work on me for now..and 'allow' for the others to happen as they should.  Happy Valentine's Day Alex.

So, who is your Valentine?  Today is no different from all other days.  But, if you want a reason to start loving, today is the day of LOVE.  So, go love somebody and most importantly, LOVE yourself..because you are worth it.  :)



Last Week's Goal:   Research theatrical agents and make sure my LA Casting, Actors Access, and IMDB are up-to-date.

Update:  Done and DONE.  I was going to research some Theatrical agents but, it's Pilot Season!  They're busy!  So, my new target is managers instead.  I already have my list.  And, all my accounts (LA Casting, Actors Access, and IMDB) are up-to-date.  Holla!

This Week's Goal:  I'm going to write some cover letters.  Simple.  Oh, and BREEEATHE.  :)




Have a love-filled week everyone.


with LOVE LOVE LOVE,
Alex