Television, Here I Come! Week 51. 'Heal the Inner Child to Give'

Happy Holidays everyone.  

You guys are awesome!  I am thrilled with the 'Accountability Buddy' submissions and inquiries!  I'm getting more excited about it.  Yup, we're doing this together folks...because collectively, there's nothing we can't do.

***Reminder***

Submission deadline is Dec 31, 2011 11:59pm

alexandra@alexandrachoi.com

I have a MAGICAL news.  I received an email from a very driven and successful independent film writer/director/producer.  He asked me if I would be interested in reading for a role in his new feature, scheduled to shoot March or April of 2012.  It shoots overseas!  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!!!!!!  

A friend of mine, let's call him G for now, referred me.  Thank you G!  Isn't that insane?!  

We are still in the auditioning/casting process...he requested for an audition tape, which I worked on yesterday.  Now, it's literally letting goooooooo.  I did my part, now it's up to God/The Universe.  

You know I'm definitely keeping you posted.  ;)

Giving help and receiving help...that's what makes the world go round.  You are not responsible for just yourself but, for others too.  However, you start with you first and miraculously, you'll begin your work with others.  You just gotta find your balance.  If you can wrap your head and heart around this concept, you're on your way.  

I'm naturally a giver, a protector, a server, a pleaser.  And I'm sure most of you are too.  You're either a parent, a child, a friend, a lover, an artist, etc....  But all these are identities we, better yet, our Ego has created for ourselves, have allowed others to create for us.  WAIT!  Really think about this.  This is something you must understand not only intellectually but, viscerally, with your body, with your heart, with your being.  

*  In this moment right now, take a deep breath through the nose, let your stomach expand, hold it for a couple of seconds, then exhale through the mouth and feel your stomach walls going in towards your spine.  (If you have a hard time taking in deep breaths, try this.  Breathe EVERY breath out of you through the mouth FIRST..and be powerful.  NOW you have created space in you to take in a good breath.  OR, try this.  Stand up and drop your top half to the floor..and just hang free and loose, and take a deep breath).  

Now, do it two more times, without reading this and just breathe.  Hold still when done and think about all the identities you associate yourself with and picture them as little bubbles over YOU.  Do you see that they are not YOU?  YOU exist by yourself and they are all by-products of YOU.   Instead of putting yourself INTO the identities, the identities are beautiful extensions of YOU.

What you have just done was ground yourself.  Yep, you did it.  You took a moment to experience NOW, and YOU in the NOW.  Ground yourself at least once a day and see what happens.  Checking in with yourself is the best medicine.

In renewing your relationship with yourself, you will automatically renew all the other relationships in your life.  Every person and every thing is a reflection of you and your projection.  You don't have to fix your parents, your boss, your boyfriend...you don't have to fix any situation.  The only thing you can do is to become aware of your feelings and have more compassion for yourself as to WHY you're feeling this way.  And how do you realize the WHY?  Ask yourself intelligent questions.  Where is this really coming from?  Is it really this person?  Is it really this situation?  I've felt this before...or something like this..is there a pattern?  How do I want to feel?  How can I be the solution?  Compassion for yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  

Would you like another exercise to help open you up and begin healing where it needs it the most?  The child in you, your inner child.  The child in you has all the answers you need.  But, many of us don't want to go back to it...because something was too painful, too traumatic.  But, be the parent you didn't have.  Be the friend you want.  Be the lover you want.  All for the child in you.  Give praise to yourself and your inner child.  Hug yourself and your inner child.  Say "I Love You" to yourself and your inner child.  Say "You did a good job" to yourself and your inner child.  Say "I'm sorry" to yourself and your inner child.  Cry with yourself and your inner child.  Dance with yourself and your inner child.  Sing to yourself and your inner child.  Love yourself and your inner child.

*  Begin by breathing again.  Take 3 deeps breaths.  Now sit quietly and remember and visualize that child in you.  My inner child is about 8 years old (age doesn't matter)...little Alex is always wearing fab outfits ;), just let him/her show up just as he/she wants.  Just ask for him/her to come and join you for a bit.  If you're new to meditating, this may take some time but, keep trying.  Think of it this way, that child is scared..hasn't been out in years.  It's going to take patience and compassion..don't rush. 

Now you see the child.  You've made contact.  He/she is here.  Just be together.  Just get to know each other again.  Do what you feel in the moment is right.  Ask what you feel is right.  Answer what you feel is right.  Or maybe just listen and observe.  Trust that your intuition will guide you.  You can't hurt yourself or the child any more.  If anything, by making contact again, you're taking action towards healing you and your inner child.  This is so courageous and so loving of you.

When you feel it's time to say 'thank you and see you later', do just that.  Tell him/her "Thank you little Alex for hanging with me today.  You look beautiful today and I love you and I'll see you later."  Take 3 more deep breaths and drink some water.  Do something to ground yourself back to this reality by using one of your senses...smell something, taste something, touch something...you get the point.  :)

Whatever comes up, doesn't come up...let it be.  Just BE through and in it.  

This is where it all begins.  We gotta go backwards sometimes to move forward.  We're all adults but we operate from the fearful child in us.  When that child's wounds are healed, you will be healed.

So make contact this week.  Give yourself and your inner child that gift and OPPORTUNITY to heal.  Self-love will make you the best giver you can be.  So, don't worry about the world, your family, your friends this week...they will take care of themselves.  With any change, there will be resistance and pain...from yourself, your loved ones, and your environment but, notice that as change happening.  It's happening!  It's not time for you to lose hope, it's actually time to see more hope.  Stick to your guns.  Stick to your Soul.  God/The Universe will perfectly orchestrate the best environment for you to learn and grow.  

**And before I let you go, one more thing. :)

In the New Year, as artists, let's take our power back.  For our dreams and our souls.  You are creators, co-creators.  Creating is giving to God and the world.  Create and give birth to your dreams this year, in your unique way.  You'll be surprised how easily you'll manifest things.

I feel blogging is such a wonderful way to fully express yourself.  And you have all the creative control in the world.  I just wanted a place to release.  Who knew we're usually collectively going through similar things?  It also taught me about professionalism, consistency, accountability, discipline, and work ethic.  All in all, it just made me happier, healthier, and empowered.  Creating your own thing and following through,.... there's no better feeling.  This makes you a better artist and professional.  Are you curious?  Just start blogging.  

My recommendation is Wordpress.  I'm with Blogger but, if I knew earlier I would have went with Wordpress...it's just more sophisticated.  But, if you're not that tech-y, Blogger's pretty easy.  Start writing something.  

Would you be interested in becoming a guest blogger for me?  I know you have something to say.  Share what your heart wants to share.  You don't know who will read it and be affected by it, changed by it, healed by it.  Or better yet, just do it for you.  Do it to release what's in you that's craving to get out.  I guarantee you'll also feel more like a Pro by setting deadlines, time management, producing your work, then letting it all go when it gets published.   Also, it's about giving help and receiving help.  Remember, collectively, we can move mountains.  I hope I can guest blog for you too.  :)  

Your blog is your blog.  Do what you want with it.  Name it what you want.  Talk about what you want to talk about.  Post pictures you want to post.  Share videos you want to share.  Let's just do it!  :)

Email me to alexandra@alexandrachoi.com if interested.  

Have a great week!

with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 50. 'New Brand and Larry Moss Workshop'

Kuan Yin.  Goddess of Compassion, Mercy, and Healing.  She's been coming up randomly.  I think she's telling me something...like, 'Honey, check yo-self'.  So, I'm consciously practicing compassion, mercy, and healing whenever I can.


Hello World!  Hello Everyone!!

I have more good news ya'll.

*  I got 3 magical checks in the mail.  2 random refund checks from utility companies..then the other was for the ADR session I did for Criminal Minds.  For some reason, I didn't expect to get paid for the ADR work but, I did!  I got paid for 5 minutes of work!!  Now, granted the refund checks weren't much but, the fact that I got 3 checks in the mail, checks I didn't expect, I felt like I won the lottery.  Oh thank you God/Universe!  And of course, I automatically took action to pay it forward.  Money, always keep it flowing.  :)

*  Remember that commercial callback I had to decline due to schedule conflict?  Well, a week later, they requested to see me again...and they told my agent they're willing to work with my schedule.  Well, I snuck out of my Larry Moss workshop for a couple of hours to go.  They had me read with 4 guys/husbands.  I started to feel like it was a chemistry/look thing at this point...like I booked it already and they were still looking for the 'husband'.  I haven't heard anything so I don't think I got it but, still, I was flattered that they rescheduled just for me.  Badass!  Again, a sign that I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.

*  I am accepting submissions for my 4th ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY!  Email me at alexandra@alexandrachoi.com by December 31, 2011 11:59pm.  Let me know your full name, telephone, email, and your top 3 goals (long-term and/or short-term).
I have a theory...it's marrying two ideas....mystical and mechanical.  The mystical is your spiritual life and the mechanical is your practical marketing approach.  It takes both to manifest your dreams.  And it becomes fun and exciting again.  And you feel empowered and confident.  Sounds awesome, right?  This is a whole new way of thinking...we're going to start with your spiritual life first....the believing, the foundation, this must come first.  If this sounds intriguing, you're ready for this.  I hope we can work together and see what's in store for us!

*  I had a meeting with myself this past week and I made an executive decision on behalf of my career. As the President and Director of Marketing for Alexandra Choi, Inc., I feel it's time to switch gears...and go all the way.  No pussyfooting around.  I'm going to get so specific with my brand.  Alexandra Choi - The Hot Asian with a Brooklyn accent.  That's it...simple as that.  I take in that chick to every audition room.  Now, I can add layers to me by being funny, quirky, edgy, loud, combative, etc....but, the one thing that's always fixed is The Hot Asian with a Brooklyn accent.  I can do it all!  Drama, comedy, horror, thriller, OMG...I think this is going to be brilliant.  Don't you?  Do you feel the goosebumps for me?  I already see it...I'm going to get so good at what I do and deliver my product so well, that I will be in demand and indispensable.  IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME.



Larry Moss intensive......WOW.  Where do I begin??

For starters, logistically, this is how the workshop works.....

The intensive consists of a total of 4 days...usually Monday-Thursday, 9am-6pm.  However, Larry meant business...we were there until 8, 8:30pm every night.  If you're a working actor, you'll either put up your scene Monday and Wednesday or Tuesday and Thursday.  There are 8 scenes per day.  You are assigned a scene and scene partner a couple of weeks before the workshop.  You and your scene partner make arrangements to rehearse.  Then it begins...you come in with your scene fully rehearsed.  You put up your 1st work...Larry will most likely stop you.  He works you like a monster and then you get your notes.  Now that you know where the scene has to go to work, you then go off and rehearse the crap out of it again and again until you bring back your 2nd work.  Larry then takes you deeper and more specific into the work.  Larry only works with plays.  Just imagine weeks of breathing, eating, living, your character and the play.  It's like giving the artist in you a work out...and my soul couldn't have been happier.

I had the most incredible experience.

I'm actually a bit blue now.  The experience was so intense and powerful that it leaves you feeling empty when it's over.  The artist in me learned that working that way is what feeds my soul.  On that level.  I feel stretched.  I feel open.  I feel humbled.  I feel excited.  I feel passionate.  I feel like a pro.  I feel good man!

I'm still processing the experience as I write.  Here goes.

Play:  Where's My Money
By:  John Patrick Shanley
Character:  Natalie (A straight shooter with a rigid point of view.  An accountant.)

I thought I was ready before going into my first work.  My scene partner and I felt ready.  We put up the scene and we didn't even get past the first page.  I expected that.  But, I didn't expect to hear I didn't go deeper with my character.

I was pissed because I intuitively knew who the character was but, I held back and played the 'idea' of her.  I didn't put me into it.  Why?  Because I'm Asian.  That's what Larry said.  He's absolutely right.  It's a cultural thing.  Keeping quiet, controlled, and submissive.  Yes, I'm Asian but, I'm also a human being with a lot going on inside...I'm temperamental, I'm emotional, I'm dramatic, I'm big and animated, I have a combative side.  I have a cocky side.  I have a loud nature.  Exactly who Natalie is.  But, I didn't let myself enjoy being Natalie.  Instead, I wronged her and judged her.

So, yep, I didn't go deeper.  I had to love her to go deeper.    Basically, Larry's note for us was to scream out our dialogues.  That's it?  Just scream it out?  One exercise he made us do....stand facing the audience and start punching as hard as we can..and say our dialogues to one another.  This obviously helped us get out of our heads...which then helped us get more in touch with our primal side.

I needed to get there before moving on to the next step.  I had to get out of my head.  Out of my head.  Not be so controlled.  Get messy.  Get ugly.  Get irrational.  Be loud.  Dropped lots of F-bombs.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  :)

So that was our first work.  Basically lots of cussing, screaming, and enunciating.  Back to rehearsal.  So, Larry wants it loud ey?  We'll give him loud.  My scene partner was in one room, and I in another...and we yelled out our dialogues to one another.  If one couldn't hear the other, we would call each other out on it.  Guess what...the scene and the characters were coming alive.  We were out of our heads, speaking from the heart (usually from a broken one since it's comedy), and we discovered different intentions.  All of a sudden, it was becoming clear what I wanted.  And how I went about getting it changed, moment to moment.  We were totally playing off of one another.  It was so much fun.  So real.

Then the 2nd work.  We rolled up in there like screaming monsters.  We made it a bit further than the first page this time but, Larry stopped us again.  This time, because he was excited about the work we brought in.  He was now able to have fun with us...direct us, help us find subtle behaviors to add color to the scene, and help us give our characters wings to fly.  I learned mostly technical things in the 2nd work.  Especially because it was a comedy piece...finding the rhythm, knowing when to hold for laughs, how to use breathing and voice as instruments, how to use my body and ground myself to own the character fully and unapologetically.

It was so much fun.  I miss it and him already.  He is the best of the best.  I love him.  He teaches with so much love..it's incredible.  Such a brilliant teacher and I feel so blessed to study with him.  Like wow wow wow wow wow.  If you can audit a class once, please...I strongly urge you.  It's an experience your heart will never let you forget.  He and the class is something to experience.  To be around so many talented, ego-less, committed, passionate, open, individuals...you can't help but get awakened.  I think Larry's class is a soul-shaker.

A quick overview of what I learned.

*  Respect the text, the writing, the playwright.  Larry only works with plays.  Don't add or take out words.  The playwright wrote and rewrote and rewrote.  Respect their work and words.  Larry was on us about every word...not even a "but", "uh" went unnoticed.  No joke.

*  Enunciate.  Larry says tv and film has spoiled us actors...we are lazy.  We throw away lines.  But, each line is written for a reason. Send the idea and be clear.  If you're not clear on what you want, your scene partner doesn't have a partner, and the audience doesn't have a story.

*  Voice work, breath work, body work.  We don't work on our craft enough.  TV and film wants 'no acting' now...everything is subtle.  But, Larry stresses how important it is to work on all our instruments.  Getting in touch with your voice, breathing, and body...you're getting in touch with you.  You will discover intimate and sacred things about yourself...and you'll become a stronger artist and actor.  That's why Meryl Streep is so great at what she does because she works on a film, then theater, film, then theater.  She's a PRO.

*  Intentions.  Action verbs.  What do you want?  How are you going to get it?  What will you do the the other person in the scene to get it?  Larry says to carry around a thesaurus and choose words that 'carbonate' you.  Really get your blood flowing.

*  Try rehearsing screaming.  Literally yell as loud as you can but, without hurting your vocal chords.  The whole point is to get out of your head...and listen and respond from your heart.  And trust that your talent, your instinct will kick in when you are clear about what you want.

*  You're an artist.  Your soul can only be happy when you're being an artist.  How can you be an artist everyday?  No matter how big or small the action, just take action.

*  When rehearsing comedy, try rehearsing it as drama first.  Just see.  Get in touch with the human condition, pain first.




So many more but, I'm still processing!  I'm going back after Christmas to audit the last week.  You learn so much from auditing.  If you're curious and interested, here's Larry's website.
www.larrymoss.org


Phew, this was a long post.  Thank you for sticking with me while I process things.  Jeeeeeeeeez.  :)


Have a great week!  Hope I see your buddy submission!    :)


with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 49. 'Ego, checked.'

Hello World!  Hello Everyone!

I had a good week.

I saw my second shooting star in two weeks.  Back to back.  In LA.  Kind of cool, yes??  I made cute wishes and sent them with a kiss.  Here's to manifesting.  :)

I had an ADR session for Criminal Minds.  I went to Paramount Studios and recorded in their brand new 'Technicolor' building.  It was faaaaaancy.  I got there and was under the impression that I would be recording my one-line BUT.......I actually read a different copy!  They gave me more lines!!  They're going to use my new lines to segue into the next scene!!!  That was a pretty cool surprise.  Plus, I got to see how they cut the scene I'm in.  I think I did a good job!  ;)  Now, was I nervous??  Heck no.  Maybe a tad but, I wasn't worried.  I played the 'reporter', so the lines were something like, "................Reporting live for so and so, back to you at the studio" type of thing.  I studied Journalism and Broadcasting in school so it was good to dig that up again.  Yeah!  They loved it.  ;)

I got a callback for a commercial!  Yep!  For Toyota.  Guess what?  I had to decline.  Yes.  Decline.  Same day as my all day intensive hosting workshop.  Oh well.  Actually, I see it as a sign that I'm doing exactly what I'm suppose to be doing.  I know more will come to me...I'm not losing out on anything.  If it's meant to be, it'll be.  In fact, I'm sure more schedule conflicts like this will happen in the future...so, the lesson here is, "How am I going to make decisions that feel good to me?".  In this case, it was sticking to my first commitment, and believing that I will get callbacks abundantly.  :)  Done.

So glad I went to the workshop because I learned A LOT.

How was Marki Costello's hosting BOOTCAMP?

Well, let me tell you...it was a bootcamp alright.  Normally, the workshop is 2 days but, the December class was 1 day.  You get all the same info, so you can imagine, it was a bit overwhelming.  I'm still processing it, I think.  Marki didn't hold back...she delivered.  And she had such an energy that you couldn't help but take in everything she's teaching you, however, processing it is a different story.

We had about 15-20 people in class.  We learned what it means to be a good host, a good co-host, learned about balancing because hosting is really a balancing act, learned technical things like transitions, used the teleprompter, and learned a bit about how the hosting world works.  It encompassed a good overview of everything pertinent to hosting.

Now, that's what I think.  Here's how I feel.

I'm having mixed feelings.  I was so excited at first but, now, not so much.  I know why.  

My Ego got bruised.

I went into it thinking I was going to rock it.  "Oh, I totally got this.  I've been vlogging and I studied Journalism in school..I'm a natural!"

In the words of Rick James/Dave Chappelle, "What did the 5 fingers say to the face?  Slll-aap."  I got schooled ya'll.  I wasn't a natural.  I didn't feel like I was doing well.  I didn't feel like I was impressing Marki.  Every exercise felt more challenging and stressful.  I was falling apart inside.

I expect a lot from myself don't I?  I mean, did I really expect myself to do each exercise perfectly?  On the first  day of class?  With double the workload?  Let's cut Alex some slack.  Done.  Huh, I learned that lesson pretty quick.  :)

Now with a more truthful perspective, and more compassion for myself, I can appreciate the experience and see how it will affect me from here on.  Is this something I want to pursue?  Or not pursue?  And not because I don't think I'm good enough...because I think I'd be really good at it ;) ...but, is it something I want or not want?  Breaking into the hosting world takes work...and it's just as competitive as acting.  Marki says that you don't need a lick of talent but you gotta be willing to put in the work.  Divide and conquer and give hosting a try?  OR just hone in on one thing...acting?  Something to think about.  But, in the end, I learned my lessons.  That's the whole point, isn't it?

If hosting is something you're interested in, I highly recommend Marki.  She knows her stuff and she's all about helping.  Just be ready to work and put in the work.
www.becomeahost.com

I start Larry Moss intensive today.  I'm excited and nervous.  Oh boy, another week of getting my ass whooped.  I'm ready.  Here I go!  Tell you all how it goes next week!

“Every being has the potential to fully express the Highest Potential within themselves. To do this, all fear, attachment, ego, pride, envy, hate, judgment and desire must be surrendered to acceptance of the living moment.”

—	Jackson Kiddard

Have a wonderful week everyone.  :)

with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 48. 'Birthday Pics and Workshops!'

Hello World.  Hello Everyone!

Another glorious year older.  I had an amazing birthday.  Surrounded by talented, funny, kind, generous, loving, supportive, inspiring friends.  We ate, we drank, we laughed, we played games...I loved it.  Thank you everyone for your wishes and thank you to those who helped me celebrate.  It means so much to me...words aren't enough.  :)

Here are some pictures from the evening.

Photos by Cammy Kinney Photography.

 

 

Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I have a busy month ahead of me.  I signed up for two intensive workshops.  I'm doing The BootCamp (hosting workshop) with Marki Costello and Larry Moss is back in town so I'm doing his 4 Day Intensive.  I'm excited!

Larry's going to kick my ass, I know it.  The play I'm working on is Where's My Money by John Patrick Shanley.  I play Natalie, an accountant...put together but, not.  I love her and already connect with her.  I'm her.  I get to go off on my scene partner and call her a 'stupid whore'.  Fun, right?!  I love when I can get crazy and irrational in a scene.  I like doing comedy because it's not about playing the funny...it's really about playing the painful human condition...with my personality.  I feel free.  

I'll be going into rehearsal all this week.  Our session is the 12th-15th.  Lots of memorizing for me!  But, I'm not too worried.  I'll let you guys know how it goes.  If you're interested in studying with Larry or auditing, check out his website.  www.larrymoss.org

And I'll also keep you posted on how the hosting workshop goes.  Marki's also a branding queen so it'll be good to work with her and get more specific about my brand.  Hosting world, here I come!  If you want more info on Marki's workshops, here's the website.  www.becomeahost.com

I'm leaving this year off with a bang.  Eff waiting till the New Year to start something.  Start now...no matter how big or small you think it is...taking action on behalf of your dream is always a courageous act.  Always.  

I forget which Ted Talks video it was, but I learned that there's a 5 sec rule.  When something brilliant strikes you, take action immediately.  Go with your gut...don't think yourself out of it.  You wait past the 5 sec mark...the chances of you taking action on that diminishes.  By then you're fighting yourself so much that you just say, "eh, eff it."  So, even if it's writing your idea on a piece of paper...just take action.  

And you know the 'eh, eff its' don't go away...they'll come back until you take action.  And until you take action, you won't feel good.  Align your actions with what you want...that's when magic happens.

Here's a quote I read.  I read it in today's TheDailyLove.com 

"Our fears are simply undiscovered parts of ourselves. The two emotions, Love & Fear are the opposites of each other. Love is the absence of Fear, and Fear is the non-recognition of Love. When we embrace what we are afraid of, shine light on the darkness of our Fear, we will see that only Love was there the whole time, but was unrecognized. This is the gift of our Fears can give us if we know how to see them for what they truly are, a call to bring Love to the unknown."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

So, I hope you are inspired all week and take action to manifest your dreams.  

Have a great week!

with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 47.

Hi World!  Hi everyone!

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.


My birthday party's coming up and I'm starting my hosting workshop and Larry Moss in couple of weeks!  Lots to dooooo!  No blog post this week.  Sorry.  :)

But, here's a cool video.  I'm researching one person shows since I'm writing my own and  I heard about Sarah Jones, who did Bridge and Tunnel.  Ummm...she is A-MAZING!!!  The Chinese lady is my favorite!



Have a wonderful week!  Yaaaay!  It's my birthday soon!  I've been waiting all year for this.  :)


with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 46. 'What it means to be INTIMATE and FEMININE'

My friend Cammy and I made a cute and funny FEEL GOOD video.  Going through break-ups are hard but when you survive it....you come out more YOU.  So, here's the video, I hope you enjoy.

Speaking of break-ups......

I learned more profoundly what it means to be INTIMATE and to be the FEMININE this past week.

I met up with an ex.  He's the first ex ever to reconnect with, let alone meet with.  We had a wonderful relationship that lasted for a year but ended abruptly, 4 years ago.  We haven't spoken or seen each other since.  

Days leading up to finally seeing him, I started to get cold feet.  Even though I agreed to see him, I was still one foot out.  I would talk myself in and out of it throughout the day.  I started to get anxious, irritable, quiet, scattered....felt like something was brewing inside me.  My Ego and I were going at it.  I guess this was weighing on me more than I wanted it to.

Because I was reacting and responding from an unconscious and/or subconscious place, and it emotionally stirred up things in me, I was wanting to avoid it, run from it,....I knew there was healing for me there.  

Who knew my first healing lesson would come so soon...and in quite an embarrassing way?

INTIMACY

I called him to let him know I was downstairs.  I haven't heard his voice in 4 years...nerve-wracking.  He picks up.  It was fine.  He said he was coming down.  As soon as we hung up, I could feel every cell in my body panicking.  I didn't know what to do....not enough time to call someone but, I can text! Yes, that's what I'll do.  So, I texted Cammy.  "OMG, he's coming down..gonna see him in 2 sec! Aaaaaahhhh!!!"  Send.  I check my phone to see how much time has gone by since I called him.  Whaaaaaaaaaat.  I kid you not, that text didn't go to Cammy....it went to my ex!  I was mortified.

I poked my head out the window...there he was...walking over.  I wanted to just drive off and never speak to him again..but, no.  Let go of your Ego and insecurities Alex.  And if yoga taught me anything...it's to stay in it...through the discomfort and pain and see what's on the other side.  

So, my first words to him were, "I texted you something by accident and I'm so embarrassed!"  I just got effin honest.  One of my most vulnerable moments I have to say.  He played it off like a gentleman...thank you.  

In that moment, I learned more about intimacy.  True intimacy.  Intimacy with myself.

Are you the actor/actress that has a hard time watching yourself?  I used to want to crawl out of my skin when I had to watch myself...I didn't like my voice, I didn't like my nervous ticks, I didn't like my skin, I didn't like this, I didn't like that.  Mistakes!  Mistakes!  MISTAKES!!  Woof!  So, when I started making my vlogs...I had no choice but to sit through the discomfort of it so that I can edit.  I learned a lot about myself and about acting through it.  I was becoming more intimate with myself...getting to know myself and accepting myself.

In that moment, yes, my ex played a part in making the situation less awkward but, I did too.  That's the important thing.  I stayed and got honest about it because I knew intuitively that it was a 'meant-to-be mistake'.  It was a lesson for me to not run away and bury the experience but instead, own up to it and love myself through it.  I revealed a vulnerable, nervous, unmanageable side of me and it was OK.  Regardless of his response, I was OK.  I got intimate with myself big time.  

Can you relate to this at all?  Is there anything you intuitively feel like there's a part(s) of you that needs your love and compassion??  There's healing there.  Be brave and go.  It'll be painful but, stay in it, and see what's on the other side.  It's usually...no, always what you would never expect, in a good way...and perhaps, even glorious.

The FEMININE

He got me flowers.  He prefaced it by saying, "I got you something but, don't get weird about it."  Hahaha.  I thanked him and accepted.  

Sounds normal right?  Nope.

Let's read in between the lines, shall we?  He prefaced it by saying not to get weird about it...because I could get weird about it.  And he was right.  I could have gotten mad at him.  I would have in the past.  I would have put too much pressure on the flowers, made it all more than it really was, then get mad at him for making me feel pressured.  But, here's the truth....it was just a nice gesture on his part.  I know that now.  So, I received with thanks.  

What it means to be the FEMININE.  The FEMININE energy is about receiving.  The MASCULINE energy is about giving.  In that moment, because I received, I took on the feminine role...and by my doing that, I opened a space for him to be the giver, and naturally take on the masculine role.  

We all have both divine energies in us.  It's about finding balance of both.  We live in a society where it's been masculine driven, "We live in a man's world".  But, as we shift into the New Aquarian Age, we will feel and see the rise of the feminine.  The world will become less about doing but, about being. And many women of our time have lost our ability to receive because we've been fighting men for equality.  But, we can't be.  Because we're just different.  We have different roles.  It's knowing yours.  In the spiritual sense.  And by knowing your role in the spiritual sense, it will translate into the physical world.

I am no longer the girl that says, "Why can't you be a man?" but, I am now the woman that knows how to create the space for a man to step into his role.  

Finding your role and feeling your energy complement with another isn't just for you and your lover....it's with everyone in your life too.  For example, I was crossing the street and I came to a 4 way intersection.  As a pedestrian, yes I have the right of way but sometimes I let cars go first.  I signaled the car to go, she said for me to go, I was going to tell her to go again but, I just held my hand up, smiled and lipped 'thank you'.  She smiled back.  You're giving by receiving.  Look at the Yin Yang symbol.  

So, ladies, let's own our divine energy.  Reawaken it and light up the world.  :)

Great lessons right?!

And I'm grateful to my ex for being my mirror and teacher.  :) 

Have a wonderful week everybodyyyyy.  Oh, Happy Thanksgiving!!!!  :)  :)

with LOVE,

Alex  

Television, Here I Come! Week 45. 'KNOW THY BRAND'

Cammy Kinney Photography

MAGICAL ANNOUNCEMENTS

*  First, a SHOUT OUT to my last accountability buddy, Marsha!  Magic, dear lady!

Marsha took a break from acting for a bit.  We got together just when she decided it was time for her to come back.  One of her goals....book a tv show.  She had a target CD.  Signed up for her workshop.  Guess who got called in already for an audition by her target CD?  Yup, Marsha.  Way to go!  That's what I'm talking about.  One Love Miss Henraaaaaaay!  :)  :)

*  Next magical thing!  Remember the Marki Costello workshop I took at ActorFest??  She's the 'IT' person in the hosting world.  She teaches and manages.  Well, she saw my blog, watched a vlog I made, and called me!!!  Whaaaaaaat.  I thought I was going to throw up.  We talked about my brand/product, and she was extremely supportive and encouraging.  Her December BootCamp workshop was full but she opened up a spot for me!  I signed up quick.  ;)  Wait, why am I surprised??  I told God/The Universe what I wanted, and it delivered.  As always.  Thank you.  As always.  :)

If you want to know more about Marki and her workshops....

BecomeAHost

SO,

What's your Brand??

You want to take your career to the next level?  Know your brand.  Who are you?  What do you do?  What do you represent??  What stories live inside of you and want to be heard?  Why do you do what you do?  Why would people come to YOU?  What do you offer that others don't?  How do you make your audience feel?  

Do you realize how crucial it is to know this NOW??  Not 'when I get an agent', not 'when I get a manager', not 'when I get a publicist'.  Because it's not their job to tell you who you are, what parts you are right for/not right for, when you go out for auditions, what to say/not to say, how much you get paid, what to wear, what jobs to take/not take, etc...

This is all YOU.  Your team is there to collaborate with you and guide you as professionals.  They are not there to 'make' you.  You already exist.  You are already here.  You already have what it takes to do what you're here to do.  It's just a matter of showing up and saying, "Here I Am."

"If you build it, they WILL come".  I believe this and know this to be true.  And Marki said this a dozen times as well.  Trust me, when you build your own thing, you become a magnet, and people will come to you.  Whether it's an agent, a manager, a co-writer, a director, an actor/actress, a teacher, a student, etc...will show up.  Whoever you need will just show up.  They are your miracles and signs that you're on your way.  God/The Universe is your co-creator...waiting in the wings for your cue.  When will God/The Universe take your cue?  When you begin building.  Let's begin building.

SO,

How do you find your Brand??

Easy.  Just look at your pictures, old and new.  There's a pattern.  Ask your friends to describe you in one word.  There's a pattern.  Look at things you have created...anything you have created.  There's a pattern.  

Also try a little exercise Dallas Travers taught us.  Write a list of actors or actresses you like.  Not gender specific.  Then the role he/she played.  Then one adjective to describe why you liked him/her in that role.  Write at least 15.  Do this first before I tell you what you'll learn from this exercise.  Because knowing the rest can influence your answers.  :)  Answer at bottom of blog post.  

OR,

Start creating and doing.  This is what helped me.  Because the 'Who Am I?', 'What Do I Represent?' questions can get heady.  "Am I bubbly?  No way.  I thought I was sarcastic and dry but, then again, I was awfully cheery just now.  Do I come off aloof?  I thought I was being totally open and receptive.  Am I shy?  Damnit!  Why didn't I say anything?  Maybe I am...................."  Heady.  But, by doing and seeing...it puts a physical perspective to it.  My blog and vlogs are teaching me and showing me.  Who knew I was such a Positive Polly.  ;)  And by doing more and seeing more.....there will be a pattern.  The answers are all there.  

So whether you decide on a brand and push forward or push forward to discover your brand, as my mom and aunt would say, you figit it out.  You figure it out.  ;)  

SO,

Do you want to go a little deeper?

My accountability buddy, Morrison and I did a book exchange.  I'm reading a book of his, The Hero And The Outlaw by Margaret Mark and Carol S. Pearson.  This book is about 'Building Extraordinary Brands Through The Power Of Archetypes'.  Wow.  This book is just what I needed to read.  

If you want longevity in your career, this is a MUST READ.  Because brands that are based on an archetype thrive.  Because you touch your consumers on a soul-level.  Because you go deeper into the psyche and touch on a collective consciousness.  

Archetypes tell our stories...the most ancient stories.  Archetypes give us meaning.  Archetypes are universal and timeless myths that show us patterns to teach us the nature of our world.  The nature of our world.  That is why different cultures tell similar stories.  As different as we are, we are the same.  

An excerpt from the book:

"Perhaps the underlying reason that archetypes are so enduring is that, in essence, they reflect our inner realities and struggles.  The external particulars may vary, but the essential journey is always the same.

Joseph Campbell and other students of mythology maintain that the various myths and archetypes found all around the world are basically expressions of the inner human drama:  We can understand them as different expressions of an eternal impulse to find a human meaning in the mystery of creation. We 'recognize' them because we have been programmed to do so.  ...  In the view of Jung, Campbell, and others, we come into life instinctually resonating to these archetypal stories because of the very ways in which our minds are configured.  Therefore, the meaning of a product can be communicated very quickly simply by evoking a story or a concept that calls forth the viewer's instinctual recognition of some fundamental, recognizable truth."

Freud had his archetypes, Jung had his, Campbell had his too...I'm going by what's in the book.

Here is how Mark and Pearson break it down.

ARCHETYPES AND THEIR PRIMARY FUNCTIONS IN PEOPLE'S LIVES

Archetype                     Helps People                     Brand Example

Creator                          Craft something new           Williams-Sonoma

Caregiver                      Care for others                     AT&T 

Ruler                             Exert control                        American Express

Jester                             Have a good time                Miller Lite

Regular Guy/Girl          Be OK just as they are        Wendy's

Lover                            Find and give love               Hallmark

Hero                             Act courageously                 Nike

Outlaw                          Break the rules                    Harley-Davidson

Magician                       Affect Transformation         Calgon

Innocent                        Retain or renew faith           Ivory

Explorer                        Maintain independence        Levi's

Sage                              Understand their world        Oprah's Book Club

This goes for people too...not just corporations.  Jack Nicholsan is the Outlaw, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan is the Innocent.  Even movies portray archetypal stories...such as, Forrest Gump and Braveheart as the Hero, The English Patient and Titanic as the Lover, and Shakespeare in Love as the Creator.

Pretty cool and powerful stuff, huh??  Which one are you?  Which story is your story??

I used to think, "But all the good movies have been made already.  But all the good parts have been played already.  But all the good stories have been told already.  But, But, But."  Excuses.  Possibilities are unfathomable.  

You are a unique being.  You dress a certain way.  You talk a certain way.  You walk a certain way.  You love a certain way.  You fight a certain way.  You believe in certain things.  You believe in certain people.  You get the point.  YOU are one dynamic individual.  Believing this is the very first step.

Do you remember factorials in math class??

For example, 5! = 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1

Now, take this concept and apply it to all the certain ways about you.

For example, YOU! = __ x __ x __ x __ x __ x __ x __ x __ x __ x __  and on and on it goes because you are constantly evolving, changing, and learning.  It's never ending...so many possibilities.  And because the possibilities are endless, at any given moment...YOU are that much more hard to copy or replicate.  There's only ONE YOU.  And because there is ONLY ONE YOU, HOW you do what you do is going to be specific to you...not WHAT you do.  Which brings me to my last point.....

NOW,

Become Indispensable.

 “You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.” 

― Maya Angelou

To understand more about becoming indispensable, here's a great interview with Seth Godin.  Seth Godin is the marketer's marketer.  He's the guru of our time.  They talk about Seth's book, Linchpin:  Are you indispensable?  Seth is great because not only is he business savvy, he's life savvy.  He understands how your work and life go hand in hand.  Better yet, how you do your work and how you live your life go hand in hand.  

http://personalmba.com/seth-godin-linchpin-indispensable/

***  Dallas Travers exercise continued...

Once you have listed 15 or more, again, you will see a pattern.  What characteristic/essence repeats itself??  You are drawn to that because it is you.  You connect with it, you desire it, you despise it, you somehow relate to it.  Because it's a part of you.  Yep, and you thought you weren't sexy....pshhh.  ;)

I hope this post helps you get more specific and empowered about your career.  Your brand is up to YOU.  Once you have a clear vision of your brand and your mission, run with it.  And go build your empire.  I'm building mine.  :)

I hope to see you and your brand thrive.  :)

Have a great week.

with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 44. 'ActorFest!'

Cammy Kinney Photography

Hiiiiiiiiiiii World!  Hiiiiiiiiiiii everybodyyyyyyyyy!!!!

*  Does this count as getting 'inked'??  ;)  My friend and fellow blogger gave me a shout out in her blog!  Thank you Kikey!  Here it is!
Livin' La Vida L.A!

*  And I read this quote this past week.  LOVE it.  By Jackson Kiddard.
Don't Settle
"Don't settle because you're afraid you won't find something better.
Don't compromise because you don't want to be alone.
Give your perfect life, lover and job,
time and space to grow into your life.
Don't rush, don't hurry.
Take your time, be easy, have patience.
Allow everything to come to you with your subtle guiding and intending.
Your days of constant chasing with little reward are over.
Everything you've ever wanted and more
are coming to you,
you just have to let it in with love,
receptivity and non-judgment.
Letting it in is how you become it."
:)

I went to ActorFest this past Saturday!  I put together a lil video of the experience.  :)



Have a beautiful week!  Full of surprises and miracles.  :)

with LOVE,

Alex

Television, Here I Come! Week 43. Criminal Minds Table Read and Shoot!

Cammy Kinney Photography

Hello everybodyyyyyyyy!!!!!

I am sitting at my brand spankin new place, on the balcony, it's a beautiful day, I just finished shooting my  first television show, and I'm finally writing this week's blog post.  Pheeeeeeewwwwww!  I am on cloud 9999999999999999999999999999999.    My life is changing day by day and I'm excited to see where it takes me. 

And yes, that's right!  That's a hammock alright.  My friend/roomie, Ash knows what's up.  :)

Here's to catch you up since the last post!!

We had a table read for Criminal Minds.  Production emailed saying it's on a voluntary basis for the guest cast to attend but they would love to have us there.  I went of course.  They had table names!  I grabbed a copy of the script and looked for my name.  Ooooh wee, there it was!  And sitting right next to me...two casting directors, Becky Silverman and Scott David.  How cool.

I sat down.  A lovely girl came up and asked if I had taken Dallas Travers's workshop.  I said, "Yes!!"  She said she had seen me post something on Dallas's facebook wall about booking this job.  Dallas's students somehow all find each other...it's a community after all.  So that was another cool thing.  But then it got cooler because we both realized later that I didn't write to Dallas, and she saw me thank Scott on his facebook wall instead!  Coincidental that she would mention Dallas?  I think not.  Another cool thing that I was meant to be there.  So great meeting you Christine!  :)

Gets even better.  I went back to reading the script when I heard someone say, "Alexandra?".  Voice was so familiar so I turned around quickly.  It was Bob Lambert!!!  The casting director for All My Children!  I had done a workshop with him not too long ago.  Awwwwwww!!!!  He's one of my favorite CDs!  He's working on a project with Scott so he was sitting in on the table read.  How small and tight the industry/community is.  Maaaad love for them both!!!!

So, multiple signs that I was meant to be there.  My friend Lauren helped me see this.  

Then, the fitting.  B.J. the head wardrobe person helped me.  She was another wonderful person to cross paths with.  She gave individual attention to each actor so we spent about 40 minutes cracking up and dressing up.  I was her last actor that day so she gave me extra attention, I think.  ;)  Thank you B.J. and kisses to your Isabella.  :)

Shoot day!

My call time was 5:24am in Chinatown.  Luckily I live in Miracle Mile area and no traffic.  It felt amazing waking up that early and going to 'work'.  Tee hee.  

I get there and find out I have my own trailer!!

They literally took me to hair and make-up shortly after I got there.  They even took my breakfast order and brought it to me while I was getting made up.  OMG.  I felt so glaaaaamorous daaaaahling.  

Off to shoot!  I was in the first shot, scene.  I got to work with Matthew Gray Gubler!  He's funny.  And so sweet.  I asked him for two autographs for my cousins...they love him.  And who knew Criminal Minds was one of their favorite shows?  So cute.  And for me, I got to take pictures.  ;)

We took more than one....actors.   ;)  Yay!!  Thank you Matthew!  

And here's me as the Reporter.  I was a complete natural.  ;)  I studied Journalism and almost wanted to be a news reporter/anchor, once upon a time.  Fulfilled that dream!  

On that note!  Have a fulfilling week everyone!  Wishing you a magical week.  :)

with LOVE,

Alex