"To Young Dreamers Everywhere" Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 31.

Dear Diary,

Here is my offering to you this week...

“You're never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.” 
― Richard Bach, Illusions

   

Some magical news.

*  I'm actually going to be on Scriptcast THIS week!  August 1st, Wed.  The podcast interview will be available on iTunes and Scriptcast after the 6th.  I'll keep you posted.  My first interview...how exciting!    What will we talk about?!  I will also be shooting it on my camera too...turn it into a vlog or something.  Smh.  God, I'm just really impressing myself this week.  ;)

Scriptcast is a screenwriting podcast recorded at UCLA Radio where Script Doctor Eric and TV Wet Nurse Matt chat about the ins and outs of screenwriting in a fun and humorous way…with various levels of success.

*  I made a cameo in a horror webisode.  Another horror, Dear Diary!  Horror seems to like me.  That's cool.  It will be up in August.  The whole webisode's lead guy is Richard Hatch from "Battlestar Gallactica".  The episode I'm in is called 'Dead Reckoning' and Tim Thornerson, also of "Battlestar Gallactica" guest-stars.  

Here are some behind the scene pics.  I get shot in the head.  I was tubed up in the back, and the 'stunt' had to be choreographed.  We only had one take to do it.  Because of all the blood that will go everywhere.  AND it was 3am...you can imagine....I felt just a little bit of pressure.  Let's just say, I gave them their shot.  I don't play.  I've already nicknamed myself 'One Take Alex'.  Oh snap!  ;)

That's Anthony, teaching me about all the weapons on set.  The weapons felt and looked real but, only shot out air.  

This shot will actually be a close-up so you won't see Mark, the special FX person...who was also there to catch me so I can 'fall and die' off frame naturally.  Movie magic is fun and funny. 

*  I got another 'fan' e-mail!  It makes me so mushy to know that my blog is helping girls 15-18 years old...especially because I always wished I had an older sister growing up.  Someone to honestly share my dreams with and ask for advice.  Thank you to my lovely lil sisters everywhere for your support and belief in me....it means the world to me.  

And a shout out to Jade, Ariel, and my two cousins Gracie and Esther.  :*)

This post is for you guys.  I'm sending hugs to you all.  

Now, for the main attraction.

To all the young dreamers out there....

Keep dreaming little one.

Keep believing little one.

You know that 'thing' in you...that 'thing' that says you're gonna be great at something?  That you ARE great at something?  

That's YOU.  And that's the TRUTH.  

You're gonna go through some times when that will sound like lies. 

You're gonna meet some people who will say otherwise,

But, remember this and only this...

Keep looking up to the stars and make your wish.

Nothing happens overnight. 

So prepare for a fight.

But, when you take that first step,

You'll get all the help you can get.

Do you really want everything now?

Do you really want to know everything now?

Life is only short if you're rushing.

Take your time and forever will be your feeling.

Demanding answers only bring pain

Asking the right questions however, keep you sane.

Just wait it out and be patient,

'You'll know' is not just an expression.

Nurture that heart and dream of yours,

The one and only yours.

Because you will have days,

when all you can do is pray.

Go to God then and let God in,

You didn't lose out on anything,

In fact, 

you're about to win.

Your heart will go through storms,

whether from friends, parents, or boys.

When you think you can't take anymore,

that's when a new you will be born.

And this new you will guide you there,

So make friends with her and let the journey be shared.

Listen to your heart and your dream will thank you every day,

You will see magic and miracles in every way.

So, keep dreaming little one.

Keep believing little one.

You know that 'thing' in you...that 'thing' that says you're gonna be great at something?  That you ARE great at something?  

That's YOU.  And that's the TRUTH. 

LOVE your big sis,

Alex

  

"How To Become An Alchemist And Shift Some Sh*t Around!' Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 30.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.  

*  You will be proud.  MAGICAL NEWS!  

I'm going to be a guest on Scriptcast!!  "Scriptcast is a screenwriting podcast recorded at UCLA Radio where Script Doctor Eric and TV Wet Nurse Matt chat about the ins and outs of screenwriting in a fun and humorous way…with various levels of success."

Hollaaaaaaa!!!!!  August 8th!  I guess it'll be available shortly after??  I'll find out.  How cool is that??  Oh, what will we talk about?  I have to admit, I'm getting nervous all of a sudden.  I'm afraid I'll be a bore.  I'm nervous because I care.  I'm just going to be myself and talk about what I know.  Done.  Yaaaay!!!!  Amazing!   

*  I'm shooting this week.  I will be playing a sexy assassin.  Though it will be brief, my James Bond girl moment has come.  

*  Had some technical difficulties with my new head shots.  Will probably be able to post next week.  Yessss!  I totally just made a fist to go along with that.  I know you're excited to see them.  Me too.  ;)

Now, on to the main attraction...

So, I guess you can loosely call me a modern day alchemist.  

Alchemy, according to Dictionary.com

al·che·my

   [al-kuh-mee]  Show IPA

noun, plural al·che·mies for 2.

1.

a form of chemistry and speculative philosophy practiced inthe Middle Ages and the Renaissance and concernedprincipally with discovering methods for transmuting basermetals into gold and with finding a universal solvent and anelixir of life.

2.

any magical power or process of transmuting a commonsubstance, usually of little value, into a substance of greatvalue.

I think everybody is and if not, CAN be an alchemist, if she chooses to be honest and have compassion for herself.

I learned this lesson like this......

People that know me, that reeeeeeally know me, have said I'm one stubborn girl.  My family and my exes, especially.  Yes, as an adult, I can admit to having, actually, having had a stubborn streak.  I used to think this was bad, until.........I became an alchemist.  Muhahahahaha.

I was in kundalini class.  As you know, kundalini is the yoga of awareness.  Yes, I learn lessons from my teachers but, you know who I learn from the most??  Myself.  And that's what they teach you.  That YOU have your answers.  If you can go within, God/The Universe exists there....inside.

When I'm doing the exercises...my mind usually goes wild.  It tries to figure out ways to stay in the exercises, and as painful as it is, it tries to keep going,  I'll think about different thoughts...sometimes angry ones will help me, other times, funny ones.  Then I'll get my body to help...I'll tweak my body a little here, a little there to find another way to 'deal', I'll slow down, go faster, but no matter what, I stay in it.  I'm sweating like crazy but, it's ok...I love it.  I'm going deeper into it now and finding that place where the mind and body no longer control me...I get lost in the pain, lost in the music, lost in the energy that's in the room, I begin to love the pain so I no longer feel the pain.  I'm in bliss for that exercise.  

But, the trick is to not give up and keep going.  Take a break if you have to but, keep going, THROUGH the pain.  Tej, our teacher was kicking our asses that day.  The exercises were longer and required more focus and determination.  People were dropping like flies, let me tell you.  It was hard!  But, I kept going.  I was committed to finishing the exercises.  No matter what.

I could go a little easy on myself but, pushing through is what's embedded in me.  Then it hit me as I was in an exercise.  "OMG, I'm being stubborn right now!  Hahahahaha, I'm being so stubborn right now!"  I started to laugh to myself because my stubbornness IS my perseverance!  They're the same thing.  It's just how you look at it.

Holy Holy Holy.  This just blew my mind.  I am born again (when I used to go to church, I could only have one 'born again' experience, when you 'find' God and accept him as your Savior but, now I'm seeing that I'm constantly being born again) to a new reality, through each new awareness and lesson.  I find God/The Universe over and over again.  

I believe in duality.  Whatever you can think of, there is the opposing nature to it.  Can you accept both those natures?  It's simply accepting BOTH, not just one.  One isn't good and the other isn't bad.  They're the same thing.  It's just the meaning you give to it.  What your intentions are.

Kundalini is teaching me to be an energy master.  And energy is life.  

I sometimes imagine that I'm a Superhero.  My gift is working with energies..all energies of the Universe.  Now, I can either 'work' with it or 'manipulate' it.  It's the same thing...just my intentions are what makes it true.  

Another example, I was a prideful child.  Still am.  Thank God.  Because I always thought being prideful was bad and wrong.  But, instead of seeing this as something that diminishes me, I thought, "Ok, so this exists in me.  How the hell can I use this to make me feel good?"  I decided to blog, publicly, and set weekly goals.  Ironically, I knew my pride wouldn't let me down.  If I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it.  Even if it's just to prove a point.  (Ha! My stubbornness helped again).  And now, it's been 2 years of blogging weekly.  Ain't that something.....my pride helped me become a committed blogger.  

Transfer or transmute that energy.  First, be honest with yourself...acknowledge and accept the parts of you that you 'thought' were bad...and then ask yourself, how can I USE this instead??  Dang. It feels good to take some power back.  Have a 'Boo hoo, I'm a stubborn person' moment, then say, 'It's ok because this has helped me in the past' or 'How can this help me now?'  The one thing I'm learning  from Byron Katie, the power of inquiry.  Yes, you ARE the product of your thoughts...but, you can also change your thoughts.  How do you want to feel?  How can you feel that?  This stuff isn't just for special people...we can all do it.  

Shift your perception and make small shifts.  That's really all it takes.  Just Shift Some Sh*t Around.

I saw this and posted it on Facebook.  Thank you Cheryl for sharing this.  I love it.  It just does something to my Soul whenever I read it...it cracks my Soul up.  

I hope you're pleased with what I brought this week.  Thank you for all the magic in my life.  Thank you for all the magic to come.  

with LOVE,

Alex

  

  

'It's That Healing Feeling Again'. Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 29.

Say cheese Bells!  Look at my Bell's face.  Me thinks I may be a smothering mother.  ;)

Dear Diary,

I have set new intentions with my entries to you.

I see these as not only love letters to myself but, they're also an offering to you.  Writing to you is spiritual for me (Spirit, Ritual).  I will bring back to you weekly, what I have learned and collected through using my gifts and talents.  I will USE and CREATE with what I have been given and give it right back.  Deal?


I took new head shots this past week with John, Click West Photo.  I shot with John a couple years ago and LOVED the pics...but, that's when I had short and curly hair.  Remember?  And I got a 'do' change shortly after so I couldn't use the pics for too long.

Now, with another hair change..needed to update some photos.  I feel like I change as a person every 6 months to a year and I'm always experimenting or reinventing myself.

Sam Christensen, the personal image guru, refers and recommends John.  I agree.  First of all, John's got a great vibe..he's fun and professional.  And he's got an awesome place smack in Hollywood.  I love his composition and lighting.  I got a brief preview after the shoot just to have an idea......let's just say, I'm excited!!!!  I will post my new head shots next week.

Some behind the scene pics from shoot.  Don't it look like fun?

Hollywood.

Drove to Burbank too.  It was fun driving around, getting off, taking pics..driving around, getting off, taking pics.  I was born for this sh*t.  ;)

You can even rock climb, if you want.  

I'm coming out of a funk...slowly but, SURELY.  It was triggered by the break-up with the last guy I was dating but, now I see it was the only way for me to discover these parts in me that needed some love...self-love, self-compassion.

Suzanne has me writing a lot..and something that keeps coming up..I can easily find and have compassion for others but, not for myself.  Was skeptical because I KNOW I've been working on this.  But the more I write and let it flow out of me...with tears these days, I see how I emotionally attach myself to 'stories', and I am very hard on myself.  I see it.  Wow.  Makes my heart hurt again but, forgive yourself.  It's ok, you can start again right now.  Be kind to yourself right now.

I went to 4am Kundalini meditation again Friday with my friend Erika.  I'm grateful for you lady that I have someone to go with.

This was our second time going....we felt so wonderful after our first that we agreed it was totally worth getting up at the crack of dawn to recalibrate the mind, body, and soul.

This time...felt like sh*t.  I was cursing the instructor (in my head) the whole time..."Why the f*ck are these exercises so long today?  What is up with this long ass mantra?  I'm hungry, I am so hungry right now, my stomach's growling, I can't even concentrate.  This needs to stop right now.  I'm gonna need you to shut up please.  Be done already.  I don't remember it being this long the last time?  This guy sucks."

I was tired as hell after.  Wanted to go home and take a nap.  Got home and opened up the good old computer...saw the homework for Suzanne, still not done.  Things were keeping me from getting to it sooner.  Inner friggin conflicts.  I'm completely admitting to my Resistancessssss.  Because I ended up writing and bawling for 6 hours straight with 15 min breaks here and there.  Dang.  No wonder I was avoiding it.

Even let out some sobs in class with Suzanne.  It was just uncontrollable for some reason.  Suzanne said e'motions' need motion....they need to flow.  When it doesn't move, it becomes a disease.  It took me 6 hours to release some energy that needed to flow.  I'm sure the kundalini and meditation opened up a flood of emotions.  Of course I wasn't feeling good.
  
I've committed to acting a long time ago, or so I thought.  Because things are holding me back.  Like my inner conflicts.  I have "I don't deserve", "I'm unloveable", "I'm not worthy", "I'll be punished", etc...stories in my head.  Where did they come from?  Why am I still carrying them?  How can I let them go?  How will I benefit from letting them go?  The inner conflicts are what I'm working through now.  Patiently.

But, here's the Catch 22.  While a healing, a change, a growth is taking place....it ain't looking pretty.  Some days it feels like an exorcism, other days it feels like I'm a walking zombie.  Taking action on behalf of my dream gets real difficult but, I'm doing it because it's for my survival right now.  One thing I learned from Steven Pressfield's, The War Of Art, heal through your art.  Don't wait to heal first to get started.  As an artist, I'm meant to heal through my art.

Suzanne has been extremely encouraging.  I can feel how much her heart believes in me and it makes me want to cry.  Everyone deserves a teacher who believes in you, who is excited about your work and and your life, who gives you wisdom, who gives you a safe place, who sees YOU and allows you to be YOU.  When we get together, we're never short of energy or ideas.  It's a magical synergy and I get more excited about stand-up.  I really think I can be good at it.  Like reeeeeally good at it.  Can you believe I can totally see sold-out shows to massive venues?  No joke.  It'll organically turn into one of my goals...a One-Person Show.

Oh hell yes.  I see it already.  It'll have a little kundalini, a little pole dancing, great story, great lighting, great costumes, great hair and make-up, great music, great EVERYTHING!  We'll all hysterically laugh together, sob together, learn together, heal together.  I want to feel the magic of creating and expressing something from my heart, and connecting with others.  I hope to learn about life and myself a little more through each performance.  Wow...it'll be amazing.  One day.

Until then, I will trust that day will come.  It's already here if you think about...think about it....there, it's here!  Huuuhhhh???  You have to hear me say it,...it makes sense when I say it.

I'm going to live as if it's here...or at the very least, it's about to come any freaking second.  Sometimes I feel this so fervently that it shoots an excited/scared feeling through my body and Soul.  I mean, do you realize ANYTHING can happen?  Omg...the possibilities are just endless.  I can't even imagine...seriously.  Surprise me God/The Universe.  :)

This excitement, this curiosity about all the wonderful possibilities awaiting me.  It's all here, waiting for me.  You know that Rumi quote, "What you seek is seeking you".  One word.  Yup.

I feel better now.  Thank you Diary.



with LOVE,

Alex

Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 28. 'Solving Sh*t in Traffic'

Dear Diary,

        I've been feeling the urge to do another vlog (video blog).  I have so many ideas written down and I bought a new camera but, sometimes Resistance really gets the best of me.  I'll think it's the most brilliant idea and go back to it and think, "What are you crazy?  This sh*t is so stupid.  86 this sh*t".  It's ok Alex.  I tend to build things up so much in my head that the task seems so Herculean, and I get defeated before I can even give myself the chance.  

Guilt can really chew me up, spit me out, and go for more rounds.  I let it too.  How do you get out of it?  Forgive yourself and then MOVE.  Take mother f*cking action.  

So, I made a vlog.  Hallelujah.  I was inspired after my stand-up session with Suzanne.  I used to vlog while driving...wanted to go back to that.  Just say what's on my mind.  No big to-do, nothing fancy...and the no pressure made this fun to make.  I also learned a lot by watching myself while editing.  I worked through some things.  Unexpected blessings.

Plus, I'm testing something out.  I'm in the process of finding my stand-up 'persona'.  I'm....IN..... a.....process....as an artist....I'm developing a specific persona, character.  Do you know how cool that feels?!  I have to say, I'm having fun.  Holy crap....I'm having fun.  I'm grateful.  Because it's not everyday you get to have fun and be grateful while pursuing your dream.  Ironic, but true.  

Ok, enough talk Diary.  I know you want the main attraction.  So, here's my offering to you this week.  Thank you for being with me always.  

with LOVE,

Alex

Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 27. 'Expect The UNexpected Sometimes'

"I'm looking for the unexpected.  I'm looking for things I've never seen before."  -Robert Mapplethorpe, American Photographer.

Dear Diary,

*  So, how did the 4am meditation go?

It was amazing.  Pretty much 2 1/2 hours of kundalini exercises, meditation, and chanting in the dark.  There were more people there than I had expected.  Also, there was a cute guy who came by himself.  I was like, "What the?  For real?"  Totally turned me on.  A hot, disciplined, spiritual guy.  Damn.

*  I'm on Instagram now.  I'm obsessed.  I think I'll take pics of......EVERYTHING.  I love it, I love it.

*  Anywho, this past week, something was in the air.  Magic was in the air.

Early this week, I got a message from a friend asking me if I can help out with his short film.  It's limited to no dialogue but, it will be in film festivals and another imdb credit.  Hell yeah.  Plus, it's good to know that I'm an easy 'go-to' person....just goes to show I'm professional and reliable.  Straight.  Up.

Next day, got message from another blast from the past.  A Producer from a previous project I had worked on asked if I'd be willing to shoot a scene for his new project.  Read the script and watched their teaser.  Do you remember I've always wanted to be a Bond girl?  Yup.  It's a sexy female assassins, film noir, stylized film...it's pretty and badass.  Again, hell yeah.

I told my roommate after that second message/'sign', "Hey, something's in the air."  Whenever I say this to my roommate, things get wilder.

Couple hours later, I get ANOTHER message.  From another Producer, whom I have never met or spoken to before.  He said one of his partners forwarded him some of my Youtube videos.  "Funny Stuff", he said.  Word?!!!!!!  He said they're working on a feature and there is a scene I'd be perfect for.  He wanted me to come in for a chemistry test with one of the leads, Thursday.  Only problem.....audition was in New York.  I don't think they knew I was out here.  I thanked them and broke the news that I resided in LA now.  He wrote back thanking me for responding back and that he'll see me on their next project.  He said I was now on their radar.  WILD.

Then minutes later, my agent called to make sure I was back from my trip and ready to go.  Apparently, Young And The Restless (Greg Salmon) has been requesting for me since I've been away.  Serious?!!  My mind was getting blown away at this point.  My agent's the best.  (How often do you hear that?)  I've auditioned for them once before...some time early this year and haven't heard from them again.  I assumed, "Eh, maybe they didn't like me" OR, "Maybe they just forgot, I could send them a 'reminder".  I'm forever learning in many different ways and forms of accepting what's in and out of my control.  I went in, had a fun audition...don't think I got the part but, it was good to see Greg again.  We're from the same neighborhood in Brooklyn ya know.  Sheepshead Represent.

Some good stats for one week, don't you think?

Then to add to that, I had amazing classes with Suzanne and Sam.  I'm having so much fun with being okay with being angry.

You wanna hear something funny?  I have a potty mouth.  I love droppin bombs.  My mom begs me to stop.  I can't help it.  Sometimes, there's nothing more satisfying than saying a good, deep, long F*****cccccckkkkkkk when you're angry.  I'm not cursing AT anyone.  Well, she has now given up.  Did you know that Pope John Paul II, our beloved Pope John Paul II was known for his potty mouth?  Found this out on our trip to The Vatican.  I just looked at her and raised my brows.  She looked away.

*  I decided to have some fun and try something new (I can be quite a hermit).  I went with my friend Cammy Kinney on one of her shoots.  Rock Photography.  Mayhem concert in San Bernardino.  The bands.....Slayer, Motorhead, Anthrax, and more.  I popped my heavy metal cherry!  I know nothing about the heavy metal world so I didn't know what a big deal this was.  It was insane.  And who knew such a big Hispanic community was into heavy metal?  You learn something new everyday.  We had All Access Press Passes for Slayer.  She was right...it's one thing watching a sports game on tv and it's another actually going to one.  I found myself headbanging.  The music is transcendent in a different way.  I get it.

I saw someone pour his beer on this little kid who got caught trying to climb over barricades.  I looked at him with a look of shock and said, "Omg!"  He explained, they like that.  It's cool.  It's their culture.  I understood...until, I got spit on...with water, but, still, from someone's mouth.  Gross.

I took my camera.  Here are some pics from the concert.

P.S.  Slayer rocks.

P.P.S.  Note to self....shoe check.  Wore wedges thinking it was more like a Wiltern concert....nope, like Coachella....walked like crazy....my po po feet.

With an unexpectedly good week, I can only be grateful.  Who knows if it means anything?  It's just how I gauge where I am.  And it feels like I'm exactly where I need to be.

Keep on truckin Alex.

Here's to more unexpected gifts every where, every time.

with LOVE,

Alex