These days before New Year's are a great time to relax and let the right side of your brain take precedence. Let yourself play, relax, do things you want to do but often think you don't have time to do. This "playtime" doesn't just exist for our enjoyment; it's there for balance and creativity. Its function is to break us through to new bursts of life, without which we're likely to go into 2013 simply repeating the patterns of 2012. - Marianne Williamson
Just wanted to get one last post in before 2012 comes to its completion. I struggled with deciding on the perfect topic to write, "I gotta go out with a bang", but that only made me procrastinate. Waiting for the perfect ________, only makes you wait more. Just freaking write something already, Alex.
I've been laying low since I've been back from NY. Possibly, the case of the holiday blues. Possibly, I'm quietly gearing up for the New Year. Regardless, I'm ready for 2013. Bring it.
I have two goals for 2013. Stand-up and tv shows.
Stand-up just wants to get out of me. I get bombarded with fantasies about doing ass-kickin shows. Even with trying out some cool marketing ideas for the shows. It makes the cells in my body come alive. Who I am comes alive. The audience comes alive. I feel like I already know how it's going to feel. I feel like I have experienced it already. Maybe I did stand-up in a past life. And of course, I will look fabulous and I will be wicked funny. ;)
So, back to class I go. Class starts up again this weekend. I'm excited. I'm writing new stuff, tweaking stuff I have already....it feels good to get the juices flowing again. But, to be honest, I'm so f*cking scared. As much as I know I'm gonna love it, it scares the sh*t out of me. And the thing is, I know it's gonna happen. It's inevitable. And it will haunt me until I do. I just gotta surrender to it.
Then I want some more television credits. I've been unexpectedly getting residual checks for Criminal Minds. I love the feeling of just getting checks in the mail. More please!
The more I visualize these things, the clearer the path gets. I don't ever worry about 'what to do' or 'where to start'....I always hear the right thing at the right time, see the right thing at the right time, and meet the right people at the right time. It's just a matter of getting off my ass and moving. Beginning somewhere.
So based on my desires NOW, I am mapping out what my next 3, 6, 9 months will look like. This is what's in my control. This is my part in co-creating my world. And I'm also staying open and flexible to LIFE. Because with life, there's change. And it will always be the best thing for me, no matter how I feel about it in the moment. This was a big 2012 lesson for me......Acceptance of WHAT IS, Acceptance of the NOW.
I'm looking forward to a New Year, a new world. I didn't think 12/21/2012 was dooms day but, I did and still believe that it was the death of something and the birth of something else. Or a shift. A shift in consciousness. But then again, this can happen every day, at any moment, too. Whatever it was, I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful to have been alive for it. I'm grateful to still be alive after it. So, now what? I'm still here, the world's still here. It's time to create and keep it moving.
So, in 2013.........Let's Move.
Thank you 2012. You were good to me. :)
How are you completing 2012? How do you see 2013 for you?
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you. I'll see you in the New Year!
Holy crap. I can't believe it's been three weeks since my last entry. My right hand was out of commission for a week because my sister's dog bit me. You know, the cute little Shih Tzu that was in my first Hurricane Sandy vlog. Yes, that cute little terror bit my hand so hard that you were able to see my bone. I had to get a tetanus shot and was on antibiotics for 10 days.
I'm still here in New York....I extended my stay for another two weeks because we're in the thick of things here now.....like dealing with insurance and FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency). Lordy lordy lordy.
Insurance doesn't want to pay up so they're categorizing Sandy as an 'unprecedented meteorological event'...meaning, no one's covered by being in this 'grey' area. "Oops, sorry everyone". We hired a public adjuster now to handle matters with insurance. We're going to have to fight now.
Then there's FEMA. You first file with them, then they send you over to SBA (Small Business Administration) to see if you're qualified for a low-rate loan, and if you're not, then you're sent back to FEMA to see if you can get a grant.
It's been challenging and annoying. There are so many steps and sub-steps. When you think you've crossed over a milestone, you've actually taken a step back. The government employees are kind but, due to so much miscommunications, you want to punch them in the face. You want to yank yer hair out and punch them in the face. Mercury's not in retrograde anymore....WTF. 'The process' is what can make a person go cuckoo.
Good news is, there's a small non-profit group that is working to get businesses and residents back to normal as fast as possible, in Rockaway. They are called Rockaway Relief. Please check out their site. I'll be helping them out while I'm here.
To be honest, at times I feel like I'm missing out on things in LA. I feel like I'm missing out on casting director workshops, I feel like I'm not writing as much, I feel like I'm not going to get to my stand-up and more spoken word shows, I feel like I'm not doing much for my career right now and it fills me up with anxiety.
When I tell people I'm staying longer, they say, "Oh, you're doing such a good thing for your family".....yes, but, I don't do it with a smile on my face 24/7. I get into my moods. I find other reasons to explode at my family...any reason I can. This is my Ego. My Ego tells me, "I'm not taking care of MY sh*t because I'm helping YOU." Instead of feeling guilty for thinking and feeling this way, I'm acknowledging it. Of course, as soon as you shed some light on it, it no longer has a hold on you. It's also funny. I'm remembering that this is where I need to be. I'm remembering to see lessons and opportunities all around me. This is where I'm meant to be because this is where I am right now. I'm just gonna stay present and do my best to help while I'm here. The power and ability to create is wherever I am. Doesn't matter where I am geologically. I ain't missing out on sh*t!
For sh*ts and giggles
Wanna see a picture of something I yelled at my grandma for because I was having one of my Ego episodes? We were expecting insurance adjusters to show up to around the clock and this is what my KOREAN grandmother had on our front porch. I was mortified and angry. Totally reminded me of days when she would cook so much that my clothes would stink for school. I also didn't like inviting friends over because the house would smell like pungent Korean food. I'm in junior high again. :D
Yes, that's her drying cabbage and fish. OMG.
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you have a great week.
I'm back home in Brooklyn. I've been here for almost a week. I was suppose to come home for Thanksgiving but changed my flight last minute to come and help my family with cleanup from Hurricane Sandy. I will be here a month.
It's been so crazy and hectic here, I'm a hot mess. I got my dad's car towed today and I'm wearing my underwear inside out and/or backwards, like everyday. Hot mess.
I got some footage and put together a vlog to show you firsthand how my family has been affected. My family is a trooper. We're holding it down but, I feel like I'm in The Twilight Zone. I watched a man collapse the other day. There's no power for lots of people and it's freezing...we just had a Nor`easter. Also, the lines to get gas is unbelievable. People are actually pulling guns on one another.
Cray.
Here's the video...hopefully, I'll be able to document more. Hope you're all safe and well...wherever you are. :)
Blog posts may be a little late each week this month but, I will get something in. Have a great week.
* Sending lots of love to New York and New Jersey. I'm from Brooklyn and my fam's still all there. Everyone's ok...just lots of flooding. Lost a lot of things...but, they're 'things' and they're replaceable. I'm grateful to be going home for Thanksgiving. See you soon.
Now on to the main attraction....
If we have connected on Facebook, you may have already seen my exciting post last week. I will be on a new television show.
I'll explain (without giving away too much info since I can't disclose much at this time). Are you ready?!! And this one's exclusively for my blog readers. Thank you very much for reading and supporting. I am so thankful everyday for the love and support. It's helped me to keep going. And I will keep going. :*)
It all happened, it's all happening in an unconventional way....the most magical way. I was contacted via my Facebook Fan Page (I've been doing 'Social Media Power Player' program with Dallas Travers and Therese Cator) if I would be interested in testing for a new tv show. The writer/director of the show saw my vlogs (video blogs) on Youtube. One of the female leads had to drop due to personal reasons and he was in the position to recast. He wanted to find someone before the studio finds someone. He auditioned 500-600 actresses, with no luck.
He magically came across my vlogs, and he said, "That's it!" So, I got to test shoot. He told me more than once, "Alex, what you do in your vlogs, just bring that in....just be yourself....no acting please." Let's be honest, whenever someone says, 'just be yourself', it's the death of being yourself. "Who am I? What would 'I' like? Is my voice too deep? Is my Brooklyn accent a bit too much? How would 'I' laugh? Should I get my nails done? What would 'I' do with my hair? Straighten? Put loose waves in it? Tie it up? What would 'I' wear? WHAT THE HELL WOULD 'I' DO??? etc...."
Omg. I had a mini identity crisis. I calmed my monkey brain and took in a deep breath and said, "God, thank you. I surrender to whatever is meant to be. I am letting go of expectation and outcome." Then a 'steady ready' came over me.
The test shoot came and went. He called me the next day to tell me my shots were cut together and I did perfectly however, I may not be right for the part. Why? That role is in and out of the show pretty fast. He loved me so much, he wants me on the show for the long run. Whaaaaaaat?!!!!! He's going to figure out another role for me or write me in....either way, he said I have a home on the show.
WOW. WOW. OH MY F*CKING WOW.
So, right now, I don't know how that's going to look. I don't know when they'll bring me on either. I don't know anything and it's all good. Well, to be completely honest, I do have moments of worries here and there, "Oh sh*t, what if he forgets about me?", "Oh sh*t, what if the studio says they don't like me and vetoes my ass? F*cking politics.", "Oh sh*t, what if, what if, what if?" You wanna know what lies I was telling myself to self-sabotage this? "This is happening way too easy for me...this can't be right. This is too magical....this can't be right. You didn't work hard enough...this can't be right." Yeah people. The Ego is a funny little bugger, ain't it? Practice what you preach, Alex. I talk about magic all the time and it happens to me, and I don't believe it.
My lil loving pep talk to myself....
"Alex, you DID work hard. You deserve all of this and more. You actively participated in co-creating this with God/Universe. You made changes in your life to welcome all these magical things in your life. Some were painful, some were wonderful and you made choices to honor your dream. Of course this is taking place in your life. You're a wonder. You worked on not only 'making things happen' but, most importantly, you nurtured your relationship with God/Universe and yourself. You worked on personal development. You worked on discipline. You kept promises to yourself. You kept promises to your dreams. You put your heart and Soul into everything. You worked on self-love, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance. You gave whenever you could. This is all feeling 'too easy' because you were having fun. That's really how it works so keep believing and keep having fun. Doesn't have to be 'no pain no gain' mentality anymore...it can all be effortless and easy. And you know what?? There's more magic to come in your life. You will look back when you're 80 years old and say, "Holy God, did ALL that REALLY happen? F*cking amazing." I'm so proud of you little girl. Now, let's keep going....you have much light to shine. I love you."
How can I worry after that? I'm only humbled more...and more grateful. Have I really become this person I have wanted to be? Yes, I have. I'm a f*cking Pro. I'm a f*cking yogi. :)
The bigger WOW in my life is this......the fact that this doesn't change anything for me. I'm still writing everyday. If anything, I'm writing even more. I come to this coffee shop and meet with my accountability buddy to get my writing done. I'm not relying on this tv show for my happiness.....I'm relying on me and my work. This didn't come to me because of my agent or a casting director workshop...it came to me because of my vlogs and the personal work I have been doing/creating. I just became the point of my attraction and it came to me. Yup, that's The Law Of Attraction at work.
That's my formula. Connect with God. Connect with yourself. Act with integrity with everything you say and do. Give as much as you can. Make getting happy your focus. Let go of outcome. Act on behalf of your dreams, consistently, no matter how big or small you think it is. Then, watch and allow for the magic to happen.
Starving artist? Struggling artist? My ass. I'm THRIVING b*tches. :D
P.S. Does this mean I reached my goal for this year? Booking a guest-star? Better!! Week 44. Last year, it took me about the same amount of time...41/42 weeks. Yesss!!!!
* I got a pic from one of my awesome fans, Jade! She was the recipient of my last GIVEAWAY and she sent me a pic when she received it. You're a gem. MADE MY DAY.
* Holding off on the night time mask for a bit now because I got a peel done with my facialist. My skin's going through some changes since my lifestyle and diet has been changing...will get back to it when I have a more normal routine. Feel free to google Nerium AD if you want to know more about it.
* Have you connected with me on Facebook yet?? Click here for the link to my Fan Page. I'm getting ready to drop bombs, son! That's where all the daily actions will be taking place. Join me on this crazy, wild, exciting ride...virtually. Fun, yes?? :D
And to all the new fans....THANK YOU! I appreciate it. I see the new 'Likes' and I say a thank you to each and everyone from my heart.
* Got a new VLOG up! I'm posting video below. Want to make more short vlogs...got many ideas brewing. Stay tuned.
Now on to the main attraction....
I made another VLOG!
I do my best to eat healthy. I can't afford not to these days. Gotta keep my mind, body, and Soul in tip top shape. Sometimes it's hard to eat well when you're on the run so I try to keep nourished with a good smoothie. Here's my recipe. Watch and enjoy!
* Yay! Getting back to doing casting director workshops again! I haven't been going out much theatrically and it's been bugging me. I know I can book more television shows, dang it. I used to do all my workshops over at Act Now but, trying out a new place. My first one will be at The Actor's Link this Wednesday with Manny Fernandez, casting associate with Mary Jo Slater. Let's do this.
*Getting ready to do another spoken word show! Yeeeeah. Now that the first show is out of the way, I will keep you all posted on future shows. Come and watch me throw it dowwwwwn. :)
* Last week I mentioned this new face mask I will be experimenting with for a month or two. The product is called Nerium AD. Here are some pics for the 'Before' look. I'll post my bare face pics, weekly, to see how it's working for me. Oh God...my no make-up face....for a girl who's had insecurities around this.....I got balls.
Week 1
The lighting's actually decent in my bathroom so you can't see everything but, I have acne scars and acne. It's gotten better since I've been drinking warm, lemon water every morning (to balance my PH level) and getting regular facials. I use good products for my face, lots of skin/pigment brightening serums. Right now, I'm loving this hydrating serum from Caudalie, and Origins brightening serum. SERUM all the way if you have oily, acne prone skin. Also, I take my vitamins and Omega 3, 6, 9 with Evening Primrose Oil. EPO is great for balancing your hormones. Ladies, this is so good for us. Google it. You'll see a difference in a matter of days.
* More pics peeps! My NEW HEAD SHOTS with Sallie DeEtte Mackie!! What do you think? Click here for the post where I wrote about her and my shoot.
I LOVE them. Very different from your average head shots. They're all so different and yet they're all me. Getting specific and kicking it up a notch. :)
Thank you Sallie and the team for the awesome photos.
Now on to the main attraction.....
“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.”
I'm finding my voice, my style, as a writer and performer.
Suzanne, my coach told me that she can pick up a piece of writing, read it, and know if I wrote it now.
Do you know how cool that is for an artist?? To have your own style? Aahhhh shiet.
Why is this important to me?
I remember my first acting coach, Cameron Thor said that it's important to have your own style. That's what makes you a star. Because when you have your own style, you no longer become just 'one of them' in a town full of that. You become your own, distinct, unique product. People will come to you for what you can offer.
That was my first branding lesson.
As an Asian American actress, I'm compared to other Asian American actresses. Whether I like it or not, it happens. Am I gonna sit around and cry that I'm not a good enough martial artist? Hell no. Am I gonna sit around and cry that I'm not good with Asian accents? Uh, hell no. Am I gonna sit around and cry that I'm not Lucy Liu, Kelly Hu (I met her in Larry Moss's class..she's actually awesome), Maggie Q, Moon Bloodgood, Sandra Oh, Jamie Chung, blah blah blah? Hell to the freaking no!
That's what the industry does. All it can do is mold you into what already exists, until YOU can show them otherwise. You can't get mad that there aren't awesome roles out there for you...until YOU write them for yourself. That's it. Waiting around for the perfect role.....not gonna happen.
Honestly, who is ever going to write something about a hot, funny, cute, quirky, smart, sassy, ballsy, dry, elegant, potty-mouthed, Korean-American yogi girl with a Brooklyn accent? Nobody. Unless that person is me. You know what I mean? That's why I'm doing spoken word. That's why I'm going to do stand-up. Yeah, I'll audition for roles but, what do I really want? It's to create what I want and say what I want.
My voice, my style, and who I am is good. It's great. I'm good enough. I'm more than enough. I have something to say. I have something to show. I'm special. I'm unique. And until I believe all this about myself first, I can't expect anyone else to.
This is a huge lesson for me as an artist. Especially as a full-fledged blogger now, I used to drive myself crazy because I wanted to write for the readers...write to get more readers....write to appeal to more. I became a slave to what I thought people would want. And it drove me nuts. I would get frustrated and stressed because I didn't know what the hell to write about....and when I finally wrote something that I thought, "People are gonna love this sh*t" and it didn't get the response I was expecting...I would resent them. Yup. Being a people pleaser is a disease. And as artists, we can't afford to get sick like that. Our job is to stay authentic and honest...to ourselves first. The rest will follow.
Now, I write about what I want to write about. I write about what I'm going through. I write to please me. I write to heal me. I write to inspire me. My life coach, Justina asked me, "What do you want?" "I want to inspire people", I said. You know what she said? "To inspire, you have to be inspired." It always starts with you. Again, be authentic and honest with yourself first....because the rest WILL follow. Why? Because we're all the same. People connect with real sh*t. Just be real.
I've become a damn good writer now. I'm a damn good storyteller. I'm a damn good actress. I'm a damn good human being. I'm a damn good Soul. Cause, I got my own style.
So, you wanna know how to find your own voice, your own style? Whatever it is you're doing...whether it's acting, writing, singing, dancing, etc......JUST KEEP DOING IT. That's it. You can't find it overnight...it takes time and nurturing. Keep doing it. Go to your craft, your art when you're happy, go to it when you're sad, go to it when you're angry, go to it when you're in love, go to it when you're heartbroken, go to it when you can't sleep, go to it with friends, go to it and go to it and go to it, with all your heart...that's where YOU are. And THAT's your voice, THAT's your style.
Have a great week my fellow special peeps. Have a great f*cking week. :)
* First, a shout out to Stephen Campbell! Thank you so much for being a loyal reader. And thank you for your response to my website inquiry. I am discovering wonderful people everywhere. It's really amazing.
* My look this past week. Went to a SynergyTV event and wore this number. You can only see what I'm wearing on top but, people have been asking where I got them, soooo, here it is!
The jacket is from Zara....looks like Chanel. And the beaded necklace is from Shop Publik. I get compliments on this necklace EVERY time I wear it. It really is a statement piece. LOVE. I also wore skinny jeans from Seven jeans with my black Chloe boots.
* I'm gonna be experimenting with a new night time face mask for 30 days. As you all know, I don't have the world's best skin...yet. As an actress and performer, my face is my product so, I take care of it. I'm a product whore. There's a new product I went to a demo for. It's all natural and suppose to do wonders. I'll post a BEFORE picture with NO make-up, next week or so, depending on when I get it and see how it goes for a month.
*GIVEAWAY announcement! Didn't get a chance to make a video for this but, I got my winner! And the WINNER issssss...............Jade Williams from Kentucky!!! Congratulations lil lady! I will be contacting you for your info so I can mail you the two gifts....a signed copy of my life coach's brilliant new book, How To Be A Happy Actor In A Challenging Business, AND a signed copy (by me) of the horror movie I'm in 'Scary Or Die'. Hope you like scary movies...it's bloody, FYI.
Remember to keep dreaming.....BIG. There is seriously nothing you can't do. Believe in yourself and take steps day by day. That's it. I hope this helps you along your journey. Stay happy, always. That's rule #1...with life, career, love...with everything in life. I'm rooting for you. :*)
Now on to the main attraction.......
This one is for all the folks trying to get representation.
Believe in good old fashioned hard work and MAGIC, peeps. My approach is and has been a mix of both. Not one or the other. BOTH. It hasn't let me down. There's a quote I came across recently by Dr. Wayne Dyer....."I am realistic, I expect miracles."
So, here are some tips.
1.First thing's first......BELIEVE. Believe it's easy to find representation. Believe you're worth having the best representation for you. I think many of us have this 'idea' that it's hard to get an agent. That's exactly what that is...an 'idea', a 'story', a limiting belief you have created in your mind. Is it true?? No way. Let that go. It's easy.
2.Focus on one thing at a time. What do you want first? Commercial or Theatrical? Or maybe you have one already and you're just looking for the other. Whatever your situation may be, one thing at a time. It's about building. I focused on getting a commercial agent first, then when I got that, I had free time and energy to put into getting a theatrical. There's a Oprah Winfrey quote that I love, "You can have it all. Just not at once." It's not about hustling...it's about focused hustling. Don't worry, you'll get there, wherever 'there' may be.
3.Do your research. Get IMDBPro. Not sure how much this cost now but, it's worth it. You get to upload a ton of pictures and you'll have access to all the agencies and their info. Check out their StarMeter and check out their roster. How many clients do they have? Are their clients working? When I was looking, I didn't even go past the first two pages because I wanted an agency that was doing its thang. Do you want to sign with a high profiled agency or a boutique agency? This depends on where you're at with your career. Sometimes a boutique agency may be a better fit if you have a limited resume. Just because you're with a high profiled agency doesn't guarantee sh*t. I know friends who have signed with top agencies and they didn't go out at all....and they were eventually dropped. Your goal is to have a solid relationship with your agent and get work. Go with one that will give you the proper TLC you want. THIS IS YOUR CAREER.
4. No more mass mailing! Make a list of agencies you want to target. I suggest 5-10...don't get crazy. Again, it's not about hustling....it's about focused hustling. Zero in on what you want. It's a mental shift here. It's not about finding who wants you or get what you can get......who do YOU want? Own your power. I know, it can be a bit scary at first but, practice does make perfect.
5. Make sure you have a good head shot and all your accounts are up to date. If you're looking for commercial, make sure your LA Casting and Casting Frontier is ready to go. If you're looking for theatrical, make sure your Actors Access and IMDB is ready to go too. Time is money. Don't wait around to get an agent to help you out with all this stuff. That's your job. They can give you advice and guidance but, they don't want to babysit. Be ready!
6. How do you want to start contacting them? Hard mail? Phone call? Referral? Showcases? You have some options. This is where you need to step out of that damn comfort zone of yours and start reaching out. Put yourself out there and get out of your own way. Trust me, if it scares you now, it's a good thing. It means it means something to you. Once you take a step...it gets easier.
7.Keep at it. I learned in Dallas Travers's workshop about The Rule of 7. It takes someone (ex: agents or casting directors) an average of 7 times of hearing or seeing your name for it to 'click'. So, try the phone call, try the hard mail, try asking people for referrals, try showcases....try'em all. Also, the trick isn't doing one each once and saying, "Eh, I did it." Persistence peeps.
8. "But, I feel like a weirdo about being persistent!" Yeah, you know how many people think that in this town and do nothing because of it? So, guess who gets the job or the agent....yup, the persistent folk. I found my theatrical agent from a showcase. The agents there didn't discourage or encourage following up with them. Now imagine how many other actors chose to believe "they don't want to me contacting them" route and didn't follow-up......I did. I got two meetings and I was in the position to choose who I wanted to sign with. There is a professional way to approach every situation.
9. How can you be persistent like a Pro rather than like a weirdo? Detach yourself from the outcome. And remember that you're looking for the right fit for YOU. It's not up to them, it's really up to you. Once you realize you're worth a damn good agent and not just any agent....you'll attract that. So, not just any agent for you...ok??
10.Visualize AS IF. Act and start living AS IF you already have it. Remember, even when you have an agent, your job to get jobs isn't over. Getting you auditions and work isn't solely your agent's responsibility...it's yours too. You just now have help. If anything, doing casting director workshops will get you far. Start doing them now. Some people actually book jobs first, and then they have agents coming to them. Wow. There are no rules. Make up your own. It's fun manifesting.
* I'm back from Florida! It was a much needed visit. Went to hang out with my two baby cousins, Gracie and Esther. They aren't babies really, Gracie is 20 and Esther is 15. It's good to step away from 'work' and just enjoy life, and that's just what I did. I missed them so. I love you girls. :)
* My apologies. I forgot to update you all on my GIVEAWAY last week. Okay, I got all the gifts in the mail now and I'm ready to announce my winner! I will post a video of it next week. I want to make sure the gifts go out well before Halloween. I was going to do a contest but, this one person keeps sticking out in my mind and I believe the gifts are meant for him/her. Watch video next week and you'll understand why.
In case you're wondering, "What the heck are you giving away, Alex??" Click here for the post.
* Guys, I got another fan mail. Actually, this is one of two in the last week and half. Crazzzzyyyy. No, not crazy...AMAZINGGGG. This particular one asked for an autographed picture! Wow...I will be mailing out my first autographed photo this week! I was wondering what I was going to do with all my unused headshots. Don't want to waste paper, you know. ;)
I'm in the process of setting up a 'Fan Of The Week' App via my Facebook Page, where I will highlight a fan...I'd like to do it once a week so we shall see how that goes. And I will be posting fan quotes too. I'm getting wonderful feedback and I want to share them. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I don't even know what to say.....Thank You. :*) Click here and 'Like' my Facebook Page to keep in touch with me daily!
* I need your help! If you or anyone you know is a kick ass web designer, please let me know. I'm looking for someone who can help me create a sexy, edgy, wicked website. Also, websites are so friggin expensive........... if anyone is willing to do it for a reasonable cost...the better. Thank you!
* What do you guys think?? I'm thinking of going back to something.
I'm thinking of going back to 'The Hot N Funny Asian Chick' (My accountability buddy this month has been spitting out other great ideas for me too). I have made some vlogs under that title but, changed most of it to match my blog, 'The Diary Of The THRIVING Actress'. Since I'll be doing stand-up (and for some reason I have a feeling I'm going to love the sh*t out of it), I'm thinking it may be a good start to go back to that....if that makes sense.
So, some things I have been learning about branding and marketing.
1. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Nothing is ever a mistake as long you learn from it...then it becomes a lesson.
2. Do your work and track your process and progress. If you don't get the results you want.........KEEP AT IT. Nothing takes overnight. Give yourself and your goal(s) some time.
3. Set a goal. Time wise. Give yourself at least 3-6 months. Trying something once or twice and then giving up isn't enough time to see what your actions can really produce.
4. Be consistent about it. For example, if you're a blogger or want to start blogging....blogging whenever you feel like it or whenever inspiration strikesisn't going to help you get the outcomes you want. You are a product. Bottom line. And as a product, you have to be reliable. Be reliable to yourself and to your audience/consumers.
5. Stay flexible. Okay, so you've done 1, 2, 3, and 4 and still nothing. Be okay to walk away from it or make adjustments where need be. Getting fixated on an idea or certain way is just another form of Resistance. Life is all about change, movement, and reinventing.
6. Take a nice conscious breath and BEGIN.
Now on to the main attraction....
Here it is everyone. My FIRST Spoken Word Performance. Gulp. Let me know what you think please.
Honestly, I loved every minute, second of it. It was incredible. Yes, I have performance anxiety but, I AM a performer at heart. And I used to hate watching myself......now, it's gotten easier to watch myself with detachment and I'm seeing how I can improve for next time. PRO. :D
A pic from my first spoken word performance. Story Salon 9/19/12.
Dear Diary,
Here's my offering to you this week.....
* In Tampa, FL right now! Spending some time with the cousins. Will be here for a full week...and I'm relaxing for sure. Although, seeing all Romney/Ryan stickers on cars...I feel like I'm in The Twilight Zone. Regardless of my political stance, c'mon, ridiculous is ridiculous no matter how you cut it.
* I did it! My first spoken word show. Do you remember what a nervous wreck I was last week? In case you missed my last vlog, Click here for the performance anxiety video. I had THE most amazing time.
Story Salon, one of the longest running storytelling venue, was the perfect host. The people were great. They made me feel so welcomed. I totally felt like I was in my element. There's no feeling like it when you're free-falling into the unknown but, it somehow feels like you're coming home. I was home, folks. I worked myself up...and I do this before every performance...but, I'm learning from my patterns. Because at the end of the day, I LOVE it more than it scares me. It's like falling in love with the audience and you know they're falling in love with you. There's a connection, an intimacy, a good time, a trust, an open heart, wanting to give more, receiving with gratitude....it makes me feel so alive.
I meditated when I got home. Remember the blog post, "Crashing From The High Sucks!"? As much as it elevated me...I knew I would have to eventually come down from it. Click here to read the post.
And I couldn't have done it without Suzanne. God, I love that woman. I'm learning from the best. And also my friends who came out to support. I didn't invite many since I wanted to get this first one out of the way....but, I will definitely keep you all posted from now on. :)
Video of actual performance will be up on next week's blog post! Check back!!!
Here are some pics.
Now on to the main attraction....
Gosh, it was a whirlwind of a week. On top of my anxiety the first half of last week, my blog had disappeared. Yes! THIS blog...The Diary Of The THRIVING Actress was gone. Like, poof. Like, whoa.
I found out Tuesday morning. I was rushing to type up my final version of my spoken word story for my private session with Suzanne. I decided to return some emails and catch up on my social media accounts (multi-tasking is sometimes my form of Resistance). I saw my blog on my Facebook page so I clicked on it..."This Blog Has Been Removed."
What the f*ck?
X'ed out of the screen and then clicked on the link again. "This Blog Has Been Removed."
My heart stopped. But, my mind kept going. Fast.
Refreshed it, what felt like a million times, like an insane person doing the same thing over and over expecting to get different results.
Blogger said either I or an admin could have deleted it by accident. Not the case. Next option, I could have violated Blogger guidelines or terms. Not the f*cking case! Spam?! I wasn't getting any reason or help on this. They had no tech support. I like talking to somebody. Especially when it comes to troubleshooting. I don't like writing emails, I don't like dealing with automated recordings....I like talking to a real, live person.
In the midst of my insanity, I turned to Facebook and friends. Thank God. I received more help there than from Blogger. Thank you friends.
I'm telling you, I felt insane. Like, 'SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY FOR THIIIIS!!!' type of insanity. All the posts...the last two and half years of my life....I felt like it was all taken away. There was no way I could allow for this. Not like this. I kept thinking, "I told you to back up all your posts! I told you to switch over to Wordpress!" I kept beating myself up for things I had not done. And on top of that, just when there was finally some momentum building...hell, I was getting over 1500 views a month now! The blog readership was growing and I was feeling like I was 'doing' something, 'making' something, 'saying' something....I was something. And now, I was nothing.
I felt like I was nothing without my blog.
You see, I made my blog my everything. It defined me...actually, not me, my Ego. It was an extension, a reflection of my Ego. My growing Ego. I don't like to admit it but, it's true....as Ego-less as I am, I've got a mean Ego to balance that too. My dual nature...can't escape it. I've even fought with motherf*cker for days every week trying to get a post in. Brutal.
Everything that was going on in my head...all the ways I was blaming myself, blaming others, my fears, my anger, my feeling like I was something, my feeling like I was nothing....ALL EGO.
I was also using this to NOT do my work. Here's a complete Steven Pressfield, The War Of Art lesson......instead of dealing with what's IMPORTANT, I was dealing with what was URGENT. What was important to me was my story and my show and I was telling myself that dealing with 'fixing' the blog situation was more important. In reality, not so....maybe it wasn't even that urgent either. I was just telling myself that. We can really become slaves to our thoughts and feelings. Woof.
So, I freaked out...for like an hour, tops. Actually, I really freaked out, insanely freaked out, not thinking clearly freaked out, for 30 minutes. But, I realized something....it was out of my control. I had to let it go. Then I told myself, "Give yourself until 11 o'clock and then you gotta let it go. Do everything in your power for the next 30 min to figure it out and fix it and then let it go."
That's exactly what I did. I kept that promise to myself and to my work and something shifted. I didn't feel insane anymore. In fact, I felt more sane and I felt extremely proud of myself. I felt like a Pro and a yogi. I felt grounded, I felt carefree, I felt easy, I felt like I trusted there was something better for me, I felt like I was learning a lesson, I felt like I was growing, I felt like I was crossing over something I hadn't been before. I was experiencing exactly what I needed to be experiencing. It was all perfect and welcomed. I was able to see through all my Ego's bullshit and say, 'thank you but, no thank you right now'.
I was on my way to see Suzanne and decided to make a vlog to say goodbye to my blog. I figured, "What the hell, I still have my youtube channel. Maybe I'm meant to be making more videos now rather than writing. You know what? I have an awesome personality and more people need to see it. Hahaha...yes, I will start making more videos."
So, here's the kick off video to the new and improved blogger/vlogger, whatever. See below.
Here's how life, God, The Universe always puts a smile on my face.......of course, I let it go, and then what happens??? My blog comes back. I truly believe that when it's meant to be, it will be. No need to control, manipulate, make, force anything. Everything is free to just be. I now have a different relationship with my blog.....no more feeling like a slave to it. I love and appreciate my blog in a new and fresh way. I LOVE you blog!
LEGGO of your EGO and let life happen the way it happens. Just be an observer and you can't help but to smile and laugh about it all.
** Since my blog came back, I'm working on backing it up now. I was thinking of turning my blog into an e-book. What do you think? :)
*** Oh yeah, one more thing...I've been reading some reviews on 'Scary Or Die'....BRU-TAL. Got angry then wanted to wear a brown bag over my head again, 'How To Deal With Public Humiliation' (click here for video). But, here's the thing...again, it's all my Ego's reaction. When I was able to see if from another perspective, from my Higher Self, "I am proud of this movie. I am proud of me. I am grateful to have been a part of it. I met wonderful people, whom I still stay in touch with. Hey, at least we, I are getting reviewed! That's a jump from where I was. I had lots of fun. This is all amazing."
How I feel these days....seriously.
Have a fanf*ckingtastic week! And I can't wait to share my first spoken word video. Yesss!
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