Dear Diary,
Here's my offering to you this week......
* Hope you had a fun and safe New Year. I hope all your goals for this year comes true. It's game time, guys........let's do this shit.
Now on to the main attraction......
This isn't about selling your soul. This is about finding your Soul.
You've all heard the expression 'selling your soul to the devil in exchange for fame and fortune', yes?
Well, guess what? You know I've come face to face with this a few times already. Let me tell you the devil isn't red with a pitchfork. The devil is what you give your power over to, what drains you, what makes you underestimate yourself, what makes you unhappy, what keeps you in a vicious cycle, what feels heavy, what feels like no hope except the hope it wants to give to you, what makes you feel like a slave to something, etc..... And the devil can come in many many forms.
As you know, I have quit smoking cigarettes and pot. Whaaaaaaat. Here are the two posts on why and how......click here for the post about cigarettes, and click here for the post about pot.
They were my devil. I don't believe in Heaven and Hell as a place you go to after you die. I believe they are here; they are where my mind goes to, where my heart goes to. It's not a physical destination.
I sold pieces of my Soul to these things with the hope that they were going to return value to me somehow. Instead, they were sucking the life out of me....literally and figuratively.
Somehow, artists have fallen into the trap of believing that if you're tortured or mad, you're more talented and creative. Maybe. I definitely fell into that trap. Thinking that cigarettes came with the package with being a writer, and pot came with being more creative.
LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES
I was able to do some things while smoking cigs and pot, but now that I'm sober, I can do double, triple that. Don't play. Sobriety is bringing good feelings, and the good feelings are giving me the energy to forge ahead with my plans and goals, the way I wanted to.
I've been the tortured artist, and I'm done with it. What I'm here to do isn't as a tortured Soul, but as a radiant, vibrant, energetic, strong, healthy, balanced, and happy Soul. I feel as though I needed to go through some shit to find out who I really am and now I'm ready to let that part of me go. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't have a dark side....I absolutely have a dark side and that will never go away, nor do I want it to....BUT, I just don't have to live there anymore.
I love my dark side. She gives me some of my material. I don't ever want her to leave me..she's one of my best friends.........but, we do have to have a different dynamic now. I'm re-establishing some boundaries. I'm the boss and I only go to her for material now.
My Soul's meant to fly, you know. So is yours. I hope we all one by one get to release things that no longer serve us, and we can have the courage to begin with one step towards the life we're meant to live. This is my wish for myself and everyone on this planet. I wish for everyone to have inner peace...because guys, inner peace is the jumping point for it all.
I didn't move out here to be tortured and miserable...I moved out here to fulfill my life's purpose and I can only do that putting my 100% of myself and my Soul into it.
Have a THRIVING week, SuperStars.
with MAAAAD LOVE,
x Alex
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