"How To Suffer." Television, Here I Come.....Again! Week 26.

Dear Diary,


Here's my offering to you this week....

*  I booked a feature!  This will be my third project with Irena Belle Films.  I will also be dying in this one as well.  I got shot in the head in the last one....this one, I'll be getting stabbed to death.  Hollaaaaaaaaaaa.  It's a film noir/supernatural film.  I read the script last night and confirmed with the writer/director/producer that I'm in.  I also gave him a heads up with some travel dates for the coming months (had my fingers crossed that there wouldn't be any schedule conflicts).  Ummmm....he said they'll work around my schedule.  WHAAAAAAT?!!!!!  Guys, I didn't even have to audition.  He said he wrote the part for me and if I couldn't do it, he would have to audition other people.  I have people thinking of me when they write!!!  That's insane.  That's so insane.  I just slapped myself.

Magical things like this are beginning to show in my life again.  This is one of many already.  I'm aware of them, I'm grateful for them, and I'm going to do my best to keep the flow going by paying it forward the best I can.

Here is the The Silicon Assassins - Dead Reckoning episode I was in.  This is where I get shot in the head.  This episode alone got over 28,000 views!!


And here is the Behind The Scenes that I did for my vlog.




Now on to the main attraction.....


I'm in the beginning phases of getting my personal website made.  Guys, I'm finally doing this shit!!!!!!  This is scary and exciting for me.

It's scary because I feel like I've waited so long to finally do it and because I'm attempting to do stuff that hasn't been done before.

It's exciting because I've waited so long to finally do it and because I'm attempting to do stuff that hasn't been done before.

Know what I'm sayin?

Gotta be honest, there are moments......MOMENTS where I just want to be like, "Eh, let's forget the whole thing.  I'm good where I'm at.  No website, fine.  This torturous inner monologue about how I should stop procrastinating, I'll deal with it.  Even though I know I'll regret it, yes...I'm confirming to sign up for regret.  Sign me right up."

Bah hahahaha.  Is it just meeeeeee???

Yeah, just the thought of all the steps in between, and all the waiting in between.  Makes me want to yank my hair out already.  I have an impatient side and the control freak in me really wanted to work with a web designer based in LA.  Mine is based out of Brooklyn.  Ironic, yes?  Just the distance alone can make me feel antsy.  But, she's the one I want so I'm adjusting.  I've already thought of throwing in the towel before even starting.  There's pain in 'doing the work', and there's pain in not doing it.

Lesser of two evils, ladies and gentlemen.

Suffering seems to be in the cards no matter what.  To some degree.  Luckily, I get to choose how I want to suffer and for how long.

The payoff's in doing the work and getting the website finally done.  I know this because I've been suffering the pain of regret for some years now.  In Kundalini yoga, you learn to push through exercises even though your body is shaking and your mind is going bonkers....you learn to focus and stay in it until the end.  Pushing through is a muscle......literally and figuratively.  The more you work that muscle, the easier it gets to push through ANYTHING.

But, I also see why I didn't do it earlier.  I wasn't ready.  The stuff I want to incorporate now weren't even in my consciousness then.  I'm ready now.  I can feel it.  I see signs...you know me and signs. I've been seeing the number 4 a lot lately....A LOT.  Usually, whenever I look at the time it's 1:11 or 11:11, but for the past couple weeks.....4:44.  Spiritually speaking, this means my angels are around to help me initiate and follow through with my goals.  You see, I have divine help and still, I try to talk myself out of this.

Suffering is a part of the human condition and it's needed for growth.  (Of course, I'll probably write another post saying you don't need to suffer.....but, you know what I mean).  We just gotta learn How To Suffer.  When you 'suffer' for your work, you'll see it's not really suffering.  The suffering only is the beginning part...before you decide to start.  Once you decide and begin, the suffering changes to 'work'....and if anything, it starts to replenish you rather than deplete you of your energy.  That's what happens when you're working on behalf of your dreams....your dreams will start to carry you and whisk you to people, places, and things.    If you're gonna suffer, 'suffer' the work not the regret.  





Have a THRIVING week, peeps.


with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex