"My Biggest Hater". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 47, 48, and 49.

Hey, psssst.  Hope you didn't miss me too much, daaaahlings.  :D

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....


*  Hope you and your family had a blessed Thanksgiving.  Thank you to the Makins for feeding me again this Thanksgiving.

*  It was my birthday this past Tuesday!  I turned 21 again.  And I've been sick since Thanksgiving and haven't had it in me to blog.  Thank you to my readers who have checked in with me.  Means a lot.  I hope I get better because being sick, sucks.

*  Everyone, the Kickstarter for FAME'US Magazine is here!  Here's the link.  We have to raise $5000 in 30 days.  I'm reaching out to my family and friends.  Won't you help a hardworking artist??  Hmmmm??   Go ahead, click on the link, watch the video, say to yourself "Yeah, I want to help", and pledge.  If you can't pledge because your wallet won't open for some reason, I understand.  Would you please share the link on your social medias?  I thank you in advance.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/26742582/fameus-magazine

*  I have a manager now.  Yaaay!  Wish us luck.  Here's to new beginnings.

*  We already shot three episodes of Hash Talk Show.  We're going into editing.  Will start blasting more deets and pics as soon as we get closer to launching!  Very excited and nervous.

*  I found a new soap.  Actually, my friend, Star gave to me to try.  She remembered how miserable I was because of acne.  Do you remember the skin regimen/care vlog I made?  Click here for video.  I bought a soap when I was in Europe a couple...few years back.  It was made of straight up olive oil.  I loved it because I would use it in the shower and I was able to just rub away dead skin from my face.  It was the best, gentle way to exfoliate.  Well, here's another all natural soap that does the same thing.  Thank you, Star!  It's an African black soap.  I love it.  And it's super cheap on Amazon.  I'm telling you, just wait till the end of your shower so that your face is steamed, then wash your face with it, and then take your pointer fingers and just gently rub.  You'll feel the dead skin slough off.

Now on to the main attraction....


You gotta have thick skin to make it in this business.

You have to know yourself and be ok with yourself to make it in this business.

You can't let opinions of others dictate your opinion of yourself to make it in this business.


Yeah yeah.  Easier said than done.


I was the recipient of negative comments on youtube recently.  Calling me dumb.  I was mortified.

Haters.

I was guest co-hosting on a fashion web show for three Monday mornings.  The first show I did happened to be their first show.  And it was my first time actually 'hosting/co-hosting' too.  I've taken a hosting workshop and all I remembered was, "Shit, there's a lot to learn".  Just like voice-overs, it's a whole other beast.  There are techniques and I wasn't familiar with any of them.  So, like fish out of water but, a fish with some big balls, I agreed a couple days before to go for it.

The 15 minute show is broken down to 3 or 4 segments...you talk and comment briefly on each, and the show's over.  Easy.

Not so much when you're LIVE.

Also, if you've never worked together before, you don't know what the synergy is going to be like.

I thought we did pretty ok for the first go at it.  And I felt so supported and encouraged by the host and production team.

A week and half later I get an email from the host of the show that our first video got over 17,000 views.  I check.  Now, over 20,000.  I'm like, "Whoa, how the hell did that happen?"  Then I scrolled down and read some comments.

Yikes.

They were calling us dumb.  They said we should do more research before calling ourselves 'experts' in fashion.  Someone said we were retarded.

You see, the video got so many hits because one of the topics we discussed was about the 'Miss Universe' competition.  Key word, 'Miss Universe' brought all that traffic to the video, especially lots of viewers from all over the world.  Here I was commenting on some of their costumes without knowing their histories.  That WAS dumb.  I agree.

But, dust it off and move on, right?

No.

Because here's a secret.

I'm afraid of being called dumb.  Or thought of as dumb.

Growing up, I hated raising my hand in class.....I mean, what if I was wrong?  I shiver to think.

I'm not sure exactly where it comes from.  All I know is, it exists and it affects me.

I know I'm not dumb but, the comments just hit my vulnerable spot.  

The truth is, they were right.  I should have been prepared.  I should have done my research.  The host apologized saying that he should have prepped me more.  Agreed.  And yes, we could all have been prepped more but, it was our first freaking show.  We did the best we could.  Learning as we go.

I'm good about it now but, for two days, I wanted to hide in my room.

Geeez, yes you gotta have some thick skin, you gotta know yourself and be ok with yourself, and your opinion of yourself has to matter more than anyone else's to make it in this business.  BECAUSE IT WILL BRING SHIT UP IN YOU.  You will be forced to confront certain parts of you that you didn't know existed, or you have been sweeping under the rug for later.  IF YOU'RE DOING THE WORK, THEY'RE GOING TO COME UP.  Trust me.  There's no avoiding it.  But, that's why we chose this life and lifestyle.  To be artists.  To see heal ourselves, to express ourselves, to achieve fantastical and magical things, and to serve the planet with our talents.  That's why we're here.  So, we gotta keep doing that.

That's my mission.  To learn, grow, and heal myself and keep creating my art.  I'm a sensitive artist but, I'm also a professional.

You hear this term a lot, "Haters".
Here's the Urban Dictionary's definition for Hater.

hater

A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.

Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse down a notch.

Honestly, I haven't had many encounters with other haters.  The only 'hater' I really face is myself.  It always boils down to a healthy relationship with the Self.  Everything external is a reflection of the internal.


I'm taking a break from guest co-hosting for now to focus on my show, HashTalkShow.  Gotta stick with one thing right now and make sure I don't spread myself too thin.  But, some things I learned thus far that I know will help me with HashTalkShow.


Some lessons...

*  When something goes up on the web, it's lives forever.  Put up content with integrity.

*  Do your effin research and don't let your big balls give you a big head.

*  I'm human.  Things are gonna get messy.

*  You ask a million people, you're going to get a million opinions.  Opinions are opinions.  And they're subject to change at any time.  Don't get too attached to them.

*   Haters are not out there, they're in here.  My biggest hater is ME, and no one else.  If something or someone's causing me to react in an uncomfortable way......look withIN.

*  I'm not dumb.  I'm not book smart either but, I'm one WISE chica.




So, what stuff is coming up for you this week?  Just know that when you're doing what's important to you, things are going to come up.  Live through it and I'll see you on the other side.




with MAAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex