Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 26. 'LOVE Letter Series-Lovely Lady Lessons From Mommy With Love'

MAGICAL UPDATES

*  I took a chair dancing workshop.  It was good.  ;)

I used to take pole dancing but, never stuck to it long enough to do sick tricks.  But, I can lift myself up.......a bit.  I think I was an exotic dancer in a past life.....sexy dancing makes me happy.  

I take classes at Evolve Dance Studio.  Sign up to receive their emails.....they have great sales.  Summer's here, let's get our sexy on.

*  Here's my friend Maz's blog.  He's an actor, writer, and awesome human being.  You'll see.

Maz's Muzings.  Blah Blah Blah

And thank you for the shout out.  :)    

*  I'm going to 4am Sadhana (kundalini meditation) on Thursday with my friend Erika.  I know...cray cray!!  We'll do some light kundalini work and then get right to meditating and chanting.  I'm so excited, I can't wait for Thursday.  I'll let you know how that goes.   

Now, for the main attraction......

Dear Diary,

         Yup, still writing.  Thank the Lord I'm not experiencing writer's block.  In fact, things are just coming outta me.  It's easy to get lost in the past and future.  But, writing it helps me stay in the present.  

I'm going to start a LOVE series.  I'm going to write love letters.  Don't know why but, it's what's coming through at the moment.  Starting with this one.  I'm a little embarrassed because it's something I used to think was 'corny' but, here goes.....

I wrote this for my one-day-to-be baby daughter.  

Lovely Lady Lessons from mommy with LOVE.  

1.  Red lipstick can cure anything.  But, a good red is not easy to find.  Don't give up and don't be afraid to mix colors sweetheart.  You'll find the perfect red for you.  

2.  Boys will make and break your heart.  Let them.  You'll thank them one day.  

3.  Meditate.  Even for a minute a day.  The time between you and God is the time between you and the world.  

4.  Always remember that no one is ever responsible for your happiness.  Everyone is like extra credit….YOU are the homework.   

5.  Sometimes, you're going to want to stay in bed all day.  It's ok.  You'll eventually have to get up to go to the bathroom.

6.  Believe in magic baby.  

7.  Whether you finish school or not, always keep learning.  

8.  Like your grandma always says, 'Crean rittle by rittle eberyday so you don't have the big job.'

9.  It's ok to say 'I don't know'.  

10.  In order to find balance, you're going to have to feel the extremes.  Allow yourself to go there without judgment.  

11.  You'll never know love, you'll only feel it.

12.  Read some good quotes from time to time…you're never alone.

13.  Crazy's in here, not out there.  

14.  Whenever you find yourself praying for a heart of a boy…..remember,  'When I exist, you exist.'

15.  There's no one to forgive but yourself.  And maybe you'll see, there was nothing to forgive after all.

16.  Your inner child will forever be your best friend.  

17.  Keep a journal.  The answers are all there.

18.  Take at least one conscious breath a day.  That's at least 365 conscious breaths a year.  How could that not change you?

19.  Always remove your make-up before bed.  Always.  This is non-negotiable.

20.  Oh yes, and eye cream.

21.  Drink room temperature water.  Cold isn't good for your intestines.

22.  Experiment with, explore and experience everything your heart desires.  

23.  Read Joseph Campbell and 'Follow Your Bliss' baby.

24.  Find a way to make decisions for yourself.  Learn how to communicate with your heart.

25.  Dance whenever and wherever you can.  Sing whenever and wherever you can.  

26.  Choose to listen first.

27.  It's good for your Soul to let out a good sob now and then.  Let it rip.

28.  People will come and go.  Let them.  No one's staying…not even you.  

29.  Everyone in your life is your mirror baby.  And you are theirs.  Smile!

30.  We are creatures of habit.  Build habits of success, whatever success means to you.

31.  Take your time.  

32.  Expect everything and expect nothing.

33.  Just Do It.  I didn't make this one up.  Thank Nike.  

34.  Your sexuality is a gift.  Present your present when you're present.  

35.  Shadow your shadow.  You'll see the light.  

I love you and I'll see you soon little girl.  

LOVE,

Mommy

This post is dedicated to MY mommy.   :*)

Have a 'corny' week.  :)

with LOVE,

Alex

Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 25. 'Transformation Takes Work And Patience'

Another pic from photoshoot with Cammy Kinney Photography.

Just look at my lil Bells.  I love you lil girl.  

I wanted to look like a hot mess.  Getting ready for stand-up.  :)

*First, I wanted to help share and spread the word about my friend's project.  Jouri is the founder of RAD (Realize Artist's Dreams).  I've done an interview blog with them.  Click Here to watch my interview.  And this is their new project, Candyland.

For more info, go to www.RealizeArtistsDreams.com

Dear Diary,

         It's going to get uber busy for me again.  I have already committed to things for the next 4 months.  I'm starting another Sam Christensen 8-week class this week, I'm meeting  with Suzanne once a week for stand-up with plenty of homework, and the last two months, I'll be working intensively with my life coach on some personal things.  

Funny, seeing all of 'the work' I'll be doing....of course, I'd be doing these together.  

Sam Christensen's Acting Class.

Sam says he doesn't 'teach' acting.  Yes and no.  Yes, he doesn't teach scene study, so you won't be breaking down scripts but, you'll be breaking down YOU.  After I did 'The Process' with Sam early this year, I found out my MYTH word.  Everyone has one myth word.  And everyone shares all myths BUT, according to Sam, you will be or have your specific myth in your life, both personal and business, about 10-15% more than others.

For example:  Keanu Reeves.  His myth word is LUCKY.  He's luckier than most.  Take a look at all his movies...his character always gets into situations, or gets out of them because he's lucky.  In the movie 'The Matrix', who is the chosen one?  He is.  In the movie 'Speed', he loses his bus driver but, LUCKILY, there was Sandra Bullock who just so happens to know how to drive a bus. 

  

Ok, so now if LUCKY is his myth word, then there's naturally got to be the flip side to it to balance it out.  Yup, as LUCKY as he is, he can be one UNlucky mofo.  

For example:  Did you know that he's super close to his mom and aunt?  They're the ones who raised him, in Hawaii.  They sacrificed a lot to help him move out here and pursue his dream of acting.  He made it.  He went back home and bought them a huge piece of land (where he grew up) and built a home for them.  One night, the three of them sat outside watching the rainstorm.  Keanu's mom, Keanu's aunt, and Keanu.  Lightning struck his aunt, sitting in the middle.  Keanu witnessed his beloved aunt go up in flames.  

That's some UN-lucky experience.  But, there you have it, he will forever be super lucky and super unlucky.  That's his destiny.  

Tom Hanks's word is 'over-prepared' or 'over-achiever'.  I think.  I could totally be wrong but, it is the gist of it.  And the flip side to that is 'under-prepared'.  Apparently, Tom Hanks has a fear of being under-prepared.  So, for award shows, 'in case' he's gotta make a speech, he starts writing stuff down a pieces of paper throughout the year.  He forgets about them, loses them, and when it is time to really make a speech, it's too late.  His wife Rita Wilson started to collect the pieces of paper he was leaving behind and just when he needed them, she would hand them all over.  This happens all the time.  Allegedly.  He's extremely overprepared and underprepared...that's his blessing and curse.  If you look at his movies too and the characters he play.....pattern.  

You live your myth and its opposing nature...and they live you.  There's no avoiding it.  Sam says some people don't like their myths.  Natural.  It could have been something you have been running away from your whole life.  The ironies of life.  

My MYTH word.  Perfect.  The flip side to it is Random, not IMperfect.

I refused to believe my word was perfect.  Ugh.  I was raised to be 'perfect'...I fought against that.  I have an extreme rebellious nature to me.  When I feel pushed, I push back harder.  It's just the nature of this beast.  But, I can't deny it exists in me.  For example, on days I feel shitty, I'll overcompensate with my outer.  I'll do it up with hair and make-up, throw on my fancy jewels, so that the world won't see me and how I really feel, so I won't see me and how I really feel.  They'll see the perfectly kept girl and I'll be accepted, loved.  It's exhausting being perfect.  Not just physically but, mentally.  A lot of calculating.  A lot of controlling.  

I've been telling myself I AM perfectly random, and randomly perfect.  ;)

Stand-up with Suzanne.

Suzanne was just awesome.  I had emailed her stories prior to our first session.  When I got there, she was excited to start.  She said I had LOTS of material.  She suggested something.  She said it would be good to consider Spoken Words.  Why?  Because at a spoken words event, you have a safe space to just read.  You don't have the pressure to be funny like with stand-up, and you don't have to memorize anything.  Everyone there is there to hear your story and that's it.  Also, at an open mic, people will be drinking alcohol...this can go either way.  Why even put myself under more stress?  I appreciate Suzanne's approach with me.  There are psychological things at play here...and she gets that.  Thank you Suzanne.  

And we spoke about issues I've been having.  Again, how authentic can I really be?  I'm scared to do spoken words and stand-up but, the freak out's really because of what I'll be talking about.  I want to save my family from pain and shame.  My truths aren't pretty...but, they're real.  My secrets are just more painful to keep now.  I fear they may be outgrowing me. 

I'm prepping myself and them slowly.  The thought of shattering their idea of me is liberating but, it breaks my heart too.  Their 'perfect' daughter is flawed, weak, gross, lazy, fearful, depressed, and angry.  God, I hope they understand that I'm doing this for my sanity, for my survival.  I'm doing this because it's between me and God.  I'm doing this because it's part of my Soul's evolutionary journey.  I can kick, scream, and throw a tantrum but, it's inevitable.  It's calling me.  I must go.  It's not going to be easy for you to forgive me...I can't expect you to because I haven't forgiven myself completely.   But, I'm getting there.  I'm getting to a place to love and accept myself fully.  Don't be mad at me.  

'Letting Go' work.

I'll be working with my life coach Justina for 6 weeks straight, once a week on getting to the root of some things for me.  It's a very structured process to release blocked energies, emotions, stories that no longer serve me.  We hold on to lots of things for fear of change.  I can say all day long I welcome change but, do my actions align with my words?  No, because of internal conflicts.  Energy must go somewhere and much of mine has been going to unhealthy places.  I've created unhealthy neuro-pathways to survive up until now...I don't need to survive anymore.  I'm born to thrive.  I want to re-configure the mechanics in me.  

I've been doing work like this in different forms for a couple of years now.  I've let go of lots but, the work will never be done.  There are layers after layers.  That's just life......learning, clearing, learning, clearing.  I haven't done anything this intense...and it takes patience because it's so structured.  This will be good for me.

These three teachers showing up in my life, it's by God's grace.  I asked, and it was given.  I asked how authentic can I really be?  He gave me three teachers to help me do just that.  I can only receive them with thanks and learn.

I feel another metamorphosis happening.  I go through phases where I re-invent myself according to my inner life.  And my hair's the first place I start.  I took out my hair extensions.  No more mermaid-hair.  Sad, yeah.  But, no more hiding behind something.  This is me, take it or leave it.  It sounds silly but, I didn't realize how much my hair defined me TO ME until I said I was going to get them out.  "The long hair makes me look younger", "The long hair makes me sexier", "The long hair makes me different", "The long hair is my brand and I can't change it"....aaaahhhhh, all these bullcrap 'stories' we feed ourselves to oblivion and paralysis.  

I'm purposefully moving energies around...internally and externally.  I don't know how I'll look or even feel after.  Maybe nothing will have changed.  But, I still gotta try.  

This is a time of transformation.  The transformation is happening quietly, inwardly and it's also happening loudly, outwardly with the world.  It's shifting everywhere.  My love life's feeling it too.  I'm going to go through it all with grace.  I will be kind to myself during this time.  I won't get mad at myself for not getting somewhere at a certain time.  I will be 'here', always, in the present.  I will only put my energy into what is in my control and leave the rest up to God.  Be patient Alex.  You'll get there, because you're already here.  :*)

Oh, how cool....I just got TWO commercial auditions.  Thank you God.  :)

with LOVE,

Alex

Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 24. 'All Aboard The AlEX EXpress. Part Two'

"When I exist, you exist."  - Alexandra Choi

Dear Diary,

Read this in an article recently...

" 'I remember talking to him (Channing Tatum) about how you go about building a career in Hollywood,' said Anne Fletcher, who directed the first 'Step Up.'  'I told him, 'Get your train moving, and after people are invested in you, they will go anywhere with you.' "

Do you remember the "All Aboard The AlEX EXpress" post?   I don't rely.....I can ask for and graciously accept help but, I don't RELY on others to get and keep my train moving.  My train, my job.  

So, here we friggin go.

I start my first private session for stand-up this week.  I'll be meeting with Suzanne once a week.  I'm feeling real nervous.  I have now set something in motion and it will actually be harder to get out of it than to stay in it.  My Ego's going cray cray.  Resistance is a bitch.

God, I'm really scared.  Like poop in my pants scared.  I know there's no boogey man waiting for me on stage but, that's what it feels like.  It feels like this thing can kill me.  The truth?  Not likely...........unless there's like an electrical problem and the mic that I'm holding electrocutes the shite out of me and that's one way to go, OR I get tomato-ed to death.  For some reason, I find comfort in these scenarios.  But for real, it feels like I'm going to start training for one of the BIGGEST fights of my lifetime.  I've been listening to badass songs as I write, prepare.  It's getting me pumped. 

Yeah I'm scared but, that's never stopped me before.  Out of all the voices in my head battling it out to win, I only hear one loud and clear...and it's the softest....a whisper.  It sends tingles through my body and Soul.  I feel like it's telling me that I can actually be good at this thing.  

I'm horrible at telling jokes.  But, I'm a great storyteller.  Especially when I'm pissed.  I think I'm just gonna have to stick to telling angry stories.  Or tell the stories angrily.

I've been a writing monster.  I've already emailed  her some stories but, they just won't stop now.  They're all coming out, whether I want them to or not.  It's like re-living my life.  But, this time I'm completing the stories and releasing their experiences.  I no longer want to hold on to them and the pains attached to them.  Ah, to be free of some of these stories and feelings.  I just want to be free of them.  

So, it's about to get Real for me.  That's why I'm so scared.  I've been asking myself as the artist, "How authentic can I really be?" a lot lately...well, I'll have my answer soon enough.  All I know is, I'm ready to do what I gotta do to heal some stuff and have fun while doing it.  

So, bring it.  Get your train moving and keep it moving.  Don't wait around for others to do it for you.  'If you build it, they WILL come.'  The perfect ones for you WILL come.  Seriously, now get your ass up and take action.  I'll see you on the other side.  :)

Had another impromptu photoshoot with Cammy Kinney Photography this past week.  Here are some pics.   

Alexandra Choi, a woman at work.  

Have an ass-kickin week.    :)

with LOVE,

Alex

Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 22 and 23. 'Europe Pics'

Dear Diary,

I'm back from my Europe trip.  I put together a slideshow of the photos.  But, first, here's my experience of Europe...in a nutshell.

*  First of all, thank you God for THE most amazing weather.  I heard it's Rare, with a capital R.  We did not get rained on once, the Sun was shining for us the whole way through.  A couple times, our tour guides said that when we left a city, it got rain.  Truly a blessing to have had good hair weather and been able to walk around half naked on my trip.  Truly.

*  Hit 5 countries in 10 days.  I was on an airplane, bus, train, or boat everyday for 10 days!

*  I learned how spoiled and entitled I can be.  I had to pay to use the bathroom.  Yes, they charged .50 Euro to use the toilettes.  I was like, "I'll give you my face just let me pee" but, you gotta get in line first.  Oh the lines.  And as part of a tour group, making frequent pee stops wasn't really an option.  I was afraid to drink water many times.

*  I also waste water.  Not so much now...when I was little, I use to let the water running while brushing my teeth.  Smh.  Lots of bathrooms in Europe have pedals you step on to let the water run...to help you to use only what's necessary.  Nothing in excess.  

*  I want to live in Europe for a year or two.  Learn a new language, meet new people, smell new smells, walk down foreign streets,...absorb a whole new culture and see what sticks with me.  If I can pick a place or two...I'd like to live and work in Paris or London AND I'd love to own a vacation home in Sorrento or on Capri Island in Italy.  

*  Italian men scare me.

*  The architecture there is mind and eye blowing.  I mean, how did the buildings last so long..so beautifully?  How did they even do something so grand back then?  Talk about opening you up to a new reality.  The man power, brain power back then is so far ahead of ours...makes me think, 'How much do we really know?'  

*  Europe doesn't like to change too much.  Think of it as your grandpa or dad.  Which is why they still have jaw-dropping buildings.  And their land is so natural.  Everything about Europe...natural and worn....even in the busy cities...there was history.  I was sure there were stories everywhere.

*  It was so exhausting traveling with a tour group because our schedule was jam-packed but, in the end, we came out alive..together.  We made very good friends with another family...Shout out to the Junn family!  They're my fam away from home here.  :)  And I miss our tour guides.  They were so amazing.  I get sad when I briefly cross paths with wonderful people.  Thank you!

*  Thank you Europe, I will see you again.

Now, for the main attraction.  My photo montage.  I think it's pretty entertaining.  :)

Have a great week!

with Amour,

Alex