"How To Suffer." Television, Here I Come.....Again! Week 26.

Dear Diary,


Here's my offering to you this week....

*  I booked a feature!  This will be my third project with Irena Belle Films.  I will also be dying in this one as well.  I got shot in the head in the last one....this one, I'll be getting stabbed to death.  Hollaaaaaaaaaaa.  It's a film noir/supernatural film.  I read the script last night and confirmed with the writer/director/producer that I'm in.  I also gave him a heads up with some travel dates for the coming months (had my fingers crossed that there wouldn't be any schedule conflicts).  Ummmm....he said they'll work around my schedule.  WHAAAAAAT?!!!!!  Guys, I didn't even have to audition.  He said he wrote the part for me and if I couldn't do it, he would have to audition other people.  I have people thinking of me when they write!!!  That's insane.  That's so insane.  I just slapped myself.

Magical things like this are beginning to show in my life again.  This is one of many already.  I'm aware of them, I'm grateful for them, and I'm going to do my best to keep the flow going by paying it forward the best I can.

Here is the The Silicon Assassins - Dead Reckoning episode I was in.  This is where I get shot in the head.  This episode alone got over 28,000 views!!


And here is the Behind The Scenes that I did for my vlog.




Now on to the main attraction.....


I'm in the beginning phases of getting my personal website made.  Guys, I'm finally doing this shit!!!!!!  This is scary and exciting for me.

It's scary because I feel like I've waited so long to finally do it and because I'm attempting to do stuff that hasn't been done before.

It's exciting because I've waited so long to finally do it and because I'm attempting to do stuff that hasn't been done before.

Know what I'm sayin?

Gotta be honest, there are moments......MOMENTS where I just want to be like, "Eh, let's forget the whole thing.  I'm good where I'm at.  No website, fine.  This torturous inner monologue about how I should stop procrastinating, I'll deal with it.  Even though I know I'll regret it, yes...I'm confirming to sign up for regret.  Sign me right up."

Bah hahahaha.  Is it just meeeeeee???

Yeah, just the thought of all the steps in between, and all the waiting in between.  Makes me want to yank my hair out already.  I have an impatient side and the control freak in me really wanted to work with a web designer based in LA.  Mine is based out of Brooklyn.  Ironic, yes?  Just the distance alone can make me feel antsy.  But, she's the one I want so I'm adjusting.  I've already thought of throwing in the towel before even starting.  There's pain in 'doing the work', and there's pain in not doing it.

Lesser of two evils, ladies and gentlemen.

Suffering seems to be in the cards no matter what.  To some degree.  Luckily, I get to choose how I want to suffer and for how long.

The payoff's in doing the work and getting the website finally done.  I know this because I've been suffering the pain of regret for some years now.  In Kundalini yoga, you learn to push through exercises even though your body is shaking and your mind is going bonkers....you learn to focus and stay in it until the end.  Pushing through is a muscle......literally and figuratively.  The more you work that muscle, the easier it gets to push through ANYTHING.

But, I also see why I didn't do it earlier.  I wasn't ready.  The stuff I want to incorporate now weren't even in my consciousness then.  I'm ready now.  I can feel it.  I see signs...you know me and signs. I've been seeing the number 4 a lot lately....A LOT.  Usually, whenever I look at the time it's 1:11 or 11:11, but for the past couple weeks.....4:44.  Spiritually speaking, this means my angels are around to help me initiate and follow through with my goals.  You see, I have divine help and still, I try to talk myself out of this.

Suffering is a part of the human condition and it's needed for growth.  (Of course, I'll probably write another post saying you don't need to suffer.....but, you know what I mean).  We just gotta learn How To Suffer.  When you 'suffer' for your work, you'll see it's not really suffering.  The suffering only is the beginning part...before you decide to start.  Once you decide and begin, the suffering changes to 'work'....and if anything, it starts to replenish you rather than deplete you of your energy.  That's what happens when you're working on behalf of your dreams....your dreams will start to carry you and whisk you to people, places, and things.    If you're gonna suffer, 'suffer' the work not the regret.  





Have a THRIVING week, peeps.


with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

"I Wanna Make It Raaaaiiiiin." Television, Here I Come.....Again! Week 22-25.

God/Universe, is it possible to get paid to take selfies?  

#WhereTheresAWillTheresAWay

Dear Diary,


Here's my offering to you this week....

*  Last month I did a casting director workshop.



I did a workshop with Lisa Soltau.  She has her own office now!  Congrats Lisa!  She still works with Junie Lowry-Johnson on some projects.  Their office is known for True Blood, Big Love, Six Feet Under, Prison Break, and Desperate Housewives to name a few.  I don't know why I thought she was comedy when I had signed up.  Anyway, thank God she said during the Q and A that she would love to see comedy.  Phew.  Another great workshop....Lisa is also awesome.  Lisa loves postcards.


P.S.  My plan is to keep doing casting director workshops consistently for a year without complaining even if I don't book something.  At this point in my career, I believe it's really about getting 'out there' and being seen.  My fear can make me take the longer route with things and something tells me doing casting director workshops is a short cut for me.  It's time to trust my training and let go of the training wheels.




Now on to the main attraction.....


Do you remember my very first blog post four years ago?  It started with, "Girl, where you at?"


This is where I'm at these days.  I've got my entrepreneur hat on.

I think I'm a business person at heart.  I was raised by hard working small-business owners.

Do you know what I did when I started a new school in Kindergarten?  I asked my grandma for some money so I can buy cookies at school that day.  I got to school and during lunch, I bought a box of my favorite chocolate chip cookies.  They were really good and each one was ginormous.  Anyway, we were let out ( I make it sound like we're dogs or something) for recess and I walked around to the other kids and offered them a cookie if they wanted to be my friend.  Cute kid, huh?

Then another time, just before making the move out here, I decided to get my first set of headshots.  This was still back in New York.  I was fresh out of college and saved up some money from working retail throughout school.  It was going to cost me a whopping $600.  Yeah, I had money saved up but, all of a sudden, I didn't want to spend my money.  So, what did I do?  I went around and asked family members and close friends.  I asked them for a $100 each and to think of it as an investment.  Bah hahaha.  Balls, I tell you.  Well, they agreed.  I got my headshots and the money didn't even come out of my pocket.  Cute adolescent, huh?

I'm in the process of getting the ball rolling on some business ideas I've had for some time.  And because there's so much I want to do, the whole thing seems daunting at times.  I keep thinking, "What if I fail?  What if I just waste time and money?  What if people don't take me seriously if they see me fail?  What if I just decide to quit?  What if, what if, what if?!?!?!  OMG.  I'm scared.

But, I'm more scared of regretting.  I'm more scared of not blowing my own damn mind.  I'm more scared that my not trying will disappoint myself and my family.  Because there's something in me that burns.  That believes that if I don't give it my all, I WILL regret it because I know deep down, I am absolutely capable.  I've already come this far.  Those ballsy things I did, I can still do them.  It's still in me.  Even though I feel as though I've lost it or I have to earn it again.  No, they're in me always.  I try real hard to think back to those times and see if I felt fear at all like I do now.  Of course, I did.  I was afraid the other kids would say no and tell their friends to say no to me too.  I was afraid that my family and friends would say, 'I don't want to invest in you...this is a waste of $100."  

It's all very scary for me.  But, fear is suppose to be here.  I don't want to not have fear because it is useful in its own way.  It's showing me how much I want it....to live my life as I imagine it.  The trick is to move and keep moving through the fear.  I don't like the word fearless so much.  On the other hand, I love the word courageous.  Because it means to act in spite of fear.

So, one of the first steps for me right now is to get my own personal website up.  That's where I'll be mainly operating out of.  I have so many ideas for it because I'm trying to create a world in a world.  I'm also hiring a web designer because honestly, it's just worth it for me to pay a professional to do what I want to do to it.  This won't be your basic shit, is all I'm saying.   It will be my web home and I plan on making it lovely and badass.

Writing this declaration as a blog post is scary too.  Oh well...

Alex, I hope you come back to this post in the future and see how it all started.  I hope you're a millionaire....a billionaire one day, 'MAKIN IT RAIN' on the world.  Good luck.

I love pulling quotes from Instagram.

ADD VALUE

It's a paradigm shift, but it's true....the more you fail, the more you'll succeed.

  As artists, we must believe...and to make the unseen seen.  Think Big.  Dream Big.

Wayne Dyer said it perfectly, "I'm realistic, I expect miracles."

Have a THRIVING week, peeps.  I'm sending you a big ole high five.


Til next week....




with MAAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex