How cool....
The day after I decide to make an executive decision about my career...
I no longer have to take every job that comes my way.
I have a goal. And that goal is to build a kick ass reel.
If you can become your thoughts, then I'm going to start living like a movie star NOW.
So this morning I receive a phone call. It is the Production Coordinator getting back to me. We talked for quite a bit. He said he absolutely understood where I was coming from. Nice guy. He asked if he can contact me in the future for some other projects he will be working on. Heck yeah! Wow. That went well. Thank you for this experience.
Then, I get another phone call as I'm getting ready for an audition. A consultant from a "by referral only" casting workshop called. She said someone referred three actors to her and I was one of them. I had no idea what she was talking about. She read out the other two names to me to see if it rang a bell but, no. After some research, turns out an assistant to a casting director I had auditioned for once referred me! Plus, I've heard of this place quite a few times before and I've been wanting to check it out. Seren-freakin-dipitous. So, I'm meeting my consultant tomorrow to do some cold reads to see how I should market myself. My consultant helps me figure out which casting directors would be best for ME. I may not be right for certain casting directors (ex. one CD only casts union. I'm non). This helps me to be more specific. She will also be functioning as a branding consultant. Yesssss!
Off I go happily to my audition. It's for a short...an action-comedy. Totally like Kung Fu Hustle, one of my all time faves. The audition went well. I had fun. I liked the energy in the room. Everyone was so nice. I got to make an adjustment...which is always fun. Then, as I walked out of there, I let it go. Let the audition go and wished for the best person to get it. Got in my car and ran some errands.
Today was the perfect example of The Quote of My Life!!
"The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Make a decision. Commit to it. Then, just wait and see....Magic.
<3,
Alex
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It's a Psychological Roller Coaster
I just left a message for a Production Coordinator for this short film I'm suppose to be filming this weekend. When he calls me back, I'm going to decline.
They called me a couple of days ago saying I booked a role for their film...unfortunately, it isn't for the role I auditioned for. Instead, it's for a smaller, non-speaking part...."So, you'll be the nurse....she has no lines but, the director LOVED what you brought to the table, it's going to be great...great exposure for you....we'll be cutting to your reaction shots so even though you don't have lines..you'll still be able to express how you're feeling and you will definitely add depth to the scene.......blah blah blah."
Hmmm....
I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and thank you but, no thank you but, why shoot the messenger.
So, I asked ALOT of questions...because you just never know. And yes, initially, my Ego was hurt. I should be Lead. But, I didn't want to make my decision based on my bruised Ego so I tried to stay open and positive. I asked him for a revised copy of the script so I can see what my character was about. I told myself that no lines is harder than having lines and I can make this work.
I read it last night.
Are you fucking kidding me.
This is my character....as a nurse........................"Nurse Danielle walks out of the room."
That's it.
I had to laugh it off. Great exposure my ass.
Do I sound like a Diva? I hope not.
Because I'm listening to my heart.
Of course the "right" thing to do here is to accept it with gratitude and pay my dues. I'm all for paying dues....however, I'm sick of doing the "right" thing. And, who says taking this is actually the "right" thing to do?
Do you know it took me 5 years to convince myself that I am worthy enough to play Lead or Supporting roles? I only allowed myself Extra roles. 5 years and I am still convincing myself everyday. Everyday I look up roles on LA Casting or Actors Access...and everyday I have to tell myself "You're good enough for this".
Now, I feel I'm good enough...eh, maybe not all the time but, let's say 75%. This switch in my psyche, I earned it. You need this if you're gonna make it.
I lived 26 years of my life with "Who do you think you are?" syndrome. This syndrome had a different name to me then....Humility.
Growing up in a Korean/Christian household, humility was instilled in me from early on. If I got a lil cocky, either someone would call me out on it or I would just negate it by saying...haha, I'm so funny, it was a joke.
But it wasn't a joke. I knew then what I know now. I'm good at what I'm good at.
I don't know if I like this being humble thing anymore. Actually, I don't even think it has anything to do with humility..it's borderline low self-esteem. Oh shit.
Years later, I made the move out here. I brought with me my borderline low self-esteem...which became one of the main ingredients for my resistance. YOU know and feel what you're capable of but, YOU are not ready, YOU only know how to dream and not execute, YOU are not realistic, YOU need to do this for _________, YOU always start a million things and never finish, YOU should move back home, YOU should have a back-up plan, YOU are not trying hard enough, YOU are not a good business person, YOU YOU YOU YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
This psychological roller coaster is here to stay. I've just learned to manage it somehow.
No one or nothing can scare the shit out of me more than myself. I can be my own worst critic, my own worst enemy, but, I'm also my own bestfriend. And my bestfriend tells me the truth. She's no Pollyanna but, she does take care of all the bullshit and lies I tell myself.
I'm at a point in my career where I know my worth as an actor. I am no longer the actor that only allows herself Extra roles. I have ONE dream. I want to be a movie star. And I hope that by following my ONE dream, it will reveal what my life's purpose is really about.
This is why my dream is so precious. It's my only one and I feel way too connected to it. I will fearlessly protect it. I will fearlessly do what I have to do to keep it alive and going. It's my livelihood.
Yeah, if I listen to the 'humble' Alex, I would take the job and internally punish myself...OR, I can listen to my heart and enjoy the roller coaster ride. :)
From one dreamer to another,
Alex
They called me a couple of days ago saying I booked a role for their film...unfortunately, it isn't for the role I auditioned for. Instead, it's for a smaller, non-speaking part...."So, you'll be the nurse....she has no lines but, the director LOVED what you brought to the table, it's going to be great...great exposure for you....we'll be cutting to your reaction shots so even though you don't have lines..you'll still be able to express how you're feeling and you will definitely add depth to the scene.......blah blah blah."
Hmmm....
I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and thank you but, no thank you but, why shoot the messenger.
So, I asked ALOT of questions...because you just never know. And yes, initially, my Ego was hurt. I should be Lead. But, I didn't want to make my decision based on my bruised Ego so I tried to stay open and positive. I asked him for a revised copy of the script so I can see what my character was about. I told myself that no lines is harder than having lines and I can make this work.
I read it last night.
Are you fucking kidding me.
This is my character....as a nurse........................"Nurse Danielle walks out of the room."
That's it.
I had to laugh it off. Great exposure my ass.
Do I sound like a Diva? I hope not.
Because I'm listening to my heart.
Of course the "right" thing to do here is to accept it with gratitude and pay my dues. I'm all for paying dues....however, I'm sick of doing the "right" thing. And, who says taking this is actually the "right" thing to do?
Do you know it took me 5 years to convince myself that I am worthy enough to play Lead or Supporting roles? I only allowed myself Extra roles. 5 years and I am still convincing myself everyday. Everyday I look up roles on LA Casting or Actors Access...and everyday I have to tell myself "You're good enough for this".
Now, I feel I'm good enough...eh, maybe not all the time but, let's say 75%. This switch in my psyche, I earned it. You need this if you're gonna make it.
I lived 26 years of my life with "Who do you think you are?" syndrome. This syndrome had a different name to me then....Humility.
Growing up in a Korean/Christian household, humility was instilled in me from early on. If I got a lil cocky, either someone would call me out on it or I would just negate it by saying...haha, I'm so funny, it was a joke.
But it wasn't a joke. I knew then what I know now. I'm good at what I'm good at.
I don't know if I like this being humble thing anymore. Actually, I don't even think it has anything to do with humility..it's borderline low self-esteem. Oh shit.
Years later, I made the move out here. I brought with me my borderline low self-esteem...which became one of the main ingredients for my resistance. YOU know and feel what you're capable of but, YOU are not ready, YOU only know how to dream and not execute, YOU are not realistic, YOU need to do this for _________, YOU always start a million things and never finish, YOU should move back home, YOU should have a back-up plan, YOU are not trying hard enough, YOU are not a good business person, YOU YOU YOU YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
This psychological roller coaster is here to stay. I've just learned to manage it somehow.
No one or nothing can scare the shit out of me more than myself. I can be my own worst critic, my own worst enemy, but, I'm also my own bestfriend. And my bestfriend tells me the truth. She's no Pollyanna but, she does take care of all the bullshit and lies I tell myself.
I'm at a point in my career where I know my worth as an actor. I am no longer the actor that only allows herself Extra roles. I have ONE dream. I want to be a movie star. And I hope that by following my ONE dream, it will reveal what my life's purpose is really about.
This is why my dream is so precious. It's my only one and I feel way too connected to it. I will fearlessly protect it. I will fearlessly do what I have to do to keep it alive and going. It's my livelihood.
Yeah, if I listen to the 'humble' Alex, I would take the job and internally punish myself...OR, I can listen to my heart and enjoy the roller coaster ride. :)
From one dreamer to another,
Alex
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