"I'm Having A Baby! FIGURATIVELY!" Television, Here I Come.....Again! Week 35-36.

Photo by:  Cammy Kinney Photography

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

*   A THANK YOU shout out to  Cammy Kinney, Jenny Yang, Chris Capizzi, and Amaris Modesto!  My website wouldn't be possible without you!  Thank you so much for your talent, skills, time and patience!!!  Yaaaay!!!!  Go team!!  I'm so blessed!!  I'm so grateful!!!!  Ow Ow OWWWWW!!!!

Here's a photoshoot with Cammy and me, with Jenny behind the camera, and Chris with lighting and set design.  How dope, right?!!

Now on to the main attraction....

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm having a baby!  FIGURATIVELY!!

Actually, I'm having a website!!

Who else got scared besides me?!  Bah hahaha.

Whenever I'm in creating mode, I feel like I'm preggers and when it's done, it's like giving birth.  Interestingly enough, your 2nd chakra (your sex organs) is actually linked to creativity....go figure.   And as a woman in her thirties, it's natural for me to think about procreating.  However, I think I'm still open.  I'd like to have a couple of my own, but honestly, I've been pretty passive about it in this department.  I guess I'm still undecided.  So, instead, to still feel like a 'productive' woman (pun absolutely intended), I think of all my body of work as my babies....every piece of writing, every photograph, every video, everything is done with the intention of creating something out of so much love and pain, and then letting it go with hopes that it does its own thing and adds value to the world in some way.  This is my legacy so far.  Huh, I guess I want to be remembered after all.

Anyways, there's a website incubating in me and I'm like a new mom that wants to keep the baby all to myself but, I can't wait to see it and share it with the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to THANK YOU for reading and supporting this blog....seriously.  It means a lot to me.  I know I've been a little flaky with the posts lately, but I'm figuring things out with my life.  For example......Diary Of The THRIVING Actress (DOTTA) is undergoing some major reinvention!!   Yaaay!!!

My goal as of right now is my personal website....alexandrachoi dot com!!  Oh snap, so official.  :D

I'm working with a web designer to create a virtual home space for me.  I'm also working with amazing friends who are helping me build content.  I'm creating creating creating right now!  (And just because it isn't a real live baby doesn't mean my hormones aren't raging....they are.  I'm a monster these days...don't cross me pls.  I tailgated a girl in her car the other day because she cut me off and then when I honked at her, she gave me the finger....so I followed her....for blocks...turns and all.......anyways...what was I saying?)

I've been running on adrenaline for the past month since my trip to Texas and I haven't really had time to breathe and experience the experience of creating my very own website.  I know it sounds kind of silly but, this is a big deal for me.

I've had the domain name alexandrachoi dot com for about 5 or 6 years.  I tried and tried and tried making one myself on Wix, then Wordpress, then Square Space, and gave up after a few frustrating moments.  I also started this blog during that time and it became my baby so I didn't really feel the need to create an official website....until now.

I've been feeling like this baby wants to grow and I've been holding it back because I feel like I'm not good enough to support its evolution.  I'm scared shit.  Creating is one thing, and starting a business is a whole other beast.  I'm tackling both right now.

The things I want to create now....create later...they scare me.  Because that means I believe in myself.  And saying I believe in myself, and actually doing something about it?  Yes, can be mutually exclusive.  I can just talk and talk and talk about it....think and think and think about it.

You know what?  Honestly, to give myself some credit....I think I'm the type of person to talk shit, a little.  To gear myself up, you know?  I like use my pride to my advantage.  I say things out loud, I post things publicly, because that's me holding myself accountable.  If I say I'm gonna do it...I'll do it................................eventually.

As I write this post, I'm forced to think about all of this, what I'm creating, why I'm creating.  Ooh, feeling a my heart chakra open up a bit.  Ahem.

God/The Universe, thank you.  (Omg, there's a newborn baby crying its lungs out right now somewhere and because I'm having trouble concentrating because of it, I just thought, "Shut that baby up!"  Omg, is this more telling?).  :D
God/The Universe, because in spite of all my fears and doubts, I trust that I'm in alignment with my path, and I'm also taking  control of creating my destiny.

Peeps, I have a BIG dream.  So BIG that it's scary and exciting.  The scared one wins over from time to time though.  I'm not mad.  Some days I think my dream is inevitable...others days, it seems as though it may just slip through my fingers and I'll be 60 years old thinking, "F*******ck".

I think about my family a lot.  I do this for them too, you know.  I'm making a list of everything I want to do, and have been doing.  I have to now.  I have a team that's holding me accountable.  (I'll write about this in another post.  Exciting stuff are happening!)  And as I write it all down, one by one...I can't help but realize....as BIG as my dream is....IT IS FUCKING POSSIBLE.

And it begins right now...right here...with one action.  Me sitting my ass down and finishing this post, is my one action right now.  I don't know if you guys know how much I love my blog, but writing a post out isn't the easiest thing.  (Each post is like giving birth too, p.s.).  But, I do it.    I don't make money off my blog....it was never intended for that.  The payoff comes after I finish a post.  It's like I lived my life for the day.  It's like I added value in some way.  It buys my Soul more time....I'm alive when I'm writing.  Can you put a price on that?

At the same time, there's an entrepreneur in me that won't leave me alone until I really give it a go.  I want to build a brand, a business.  I really do dream of building an empire one day.  Go big or go home, you know?  

So, my team and I are coming up with a plan to get a legit production underway.  We're actually doing it already.  We already have a few shoots under our belts.  We're figuring out ways to utilize our strengths, create great stuff, have fun while doing it, and monetize too.

Funny thing is, I feel like I'm starting from scratch again, but I'm not really.  I've been building for years now.  It's literally taking all those mistakes and lessons and applying them now.  And I adjust, tweak, modify well (maybe I should thank my slight co-dependent nature for that) but, it doesn't take me long to figure out another way if need be.  Keep it moving.

I'm a huge Tony Robbins fan.  ACTION ACTION ACTION is KEY to your success.  I've taken action on getting this website done for 5 or 6 years by buying the domain name and attempting to make one myself.  Today, I have a team that's helping me build content, I've hired a web designer, and we already have a few productions underway........MASSIVE ACTION.  I'm learning what my strengths and weaknesses are....there are certain things I need to learn and know myself, and other things...delegate, pay, do what you gotta do....because at the end of the day, shit needs to get done.

I'm kind of in the 'womb', 'in the trenches' with this baby.  I'm telling you, I'm feeling it....there are changes....not quite pregnancy changes but, changes nonetheless.

I lost my ass, I'm losing weight, drinking more coffee, sleeping less, meditating more, skin's clearing up, feeling slightly manic and bipolar at times, either lots of energy or none, drinking more water, grey hairs are popping up like crazy, and moody.  Just to name a few.

Kind of cool, huh?  This is an EPIC moment for me.  I'm building my very own personal website...my home....and I get to decorate it any way I want.  I can do whatever the hell I want!  And I'm celebrating as soon as this post is done to remind myself, and celebrate myself....because you gotta do that every step of the way.  No matter what, success has already begun.  And this baby is on its way!  Baby (website),  I've procrastinated for you long enough.  It is time.  I'm scared of how you'll turn out looking and if I'll even be able to keep you alive, but I'm going for it.  

Seriously, I can't wait to countdown to when the website goes live!!  Aaaahhhhh, I can feel the tingle in my body already.

Have a THRIVING week, peeps!

with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

Have a THRIVING week, peeps!

with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex