Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 24. 'All Aboard The AlEX EXpress. Part Two'

"When I exist, you exist."  - Alexandra Choi

Dear Diary,

Read this in an article recently...

" 'I remember talking to him (Channing Tatum) about how you go about building a career in Hollywood,' said Anne Fletcher, who directed the first 'Step Up.'  'I told him, 'Get your train moving, and after people are invested in you, they will go anywhere with you.' "

Do you remember the "All Aboard The AlEX EXpress" post?   I don't rely.....I can ask for and graciously accept help but, I don't RELY on others to get and keep my train moving.  My train, my job.  

So, here we friggin go.

I start my first private session for stand-up this week.  I'll be meeting with Suzanne once a week.  I'm feeling real nervous.  I have now set something in motion and it will actually be harder to get out of it than to stay in it.  My Ego's going cray cray.  Resistance is a bitch.

God, I'm really scared.  Like poop in my pants scared.  I know there's no boogey man waiting for me on stage but, that's what it feels like.  It feels like this thing can kill me.  The truth?  Not likely...........unless there's like an electrical problem and the mic that I'm holding electrocutes the shite out of me and that's one way to go, OR I get tomato-ed to death.  For some reason, I find comfort in these scenarios.  But for real, it feels like I'm going to start training for one of the BIGGEST fights of my lifetime.  I've been listening to badass songs as I write, prepare.  It's getting me pumped. 

Yeah I'm scared but, that's never stopped me before.  Out of all the voices in my head battling it out to win, I only hear one loud and clear...and it's the softest....a whisper.  It sends tingles through my body and Soul.  I feel like it's telling me that I can actually be good at this thing.  

I'm horrible at telling jokes.  But, I'm a great storyteller.  Especially when I'm pissed.  I think I'm just gonna have to stick to telling angry stories.  Or tell the stories angrily.

I've been a writing monster.  I've already emailed  her some stories but, they just won't stop now.  They're all coming out, whether I want them to or not.  It's like re-living my life.  But, this time I'm completing the stories and releasing their experiences.  I no longer want to hold on to them and the pains attached to them.  Ah, to be free of some of these stories and feelings.  I just want to be free of them.  

So, it's about to get Real for me.  That's why I'm so scared.  I've been asking myself as the artist, "How authentic can I really be?" a lot lately...well, I'll have my answer soon enough.  All I know is, I'm ready to do what I gotta do to heal some stuff and have fun while doing it.  

So, bring it.  Get your train moving and keep it moving.  Don't wait around for others to do it for you.  'If you build it, they WILL come.'  The perfect ones for you WILL come.  Seriously, now get your ass up and take action.  I'll see you on the other side.  :)

Had another impromptu photoshoot with Cammy Kinney Photography this past week.  Here are some pics.   

Alexandra Choi, a woman at work.  

Have an ass-kickin week.    :)

with LOVE,

Alex