Guest-Star, Here I Come! Week 20. 'No More Pussyfooting Around!'

'NO!  I Don't Want To!'

*  Congratulations Monica Choi!!!  My baby seester's graduating with a Master's in Speech Pathology.  You will be great.  You already are.  I'm so proud of you and I'm always here for you.  I love you monster!

*  I'm leaving for Europe this week!  I'll be gone until June 2nd so I don't know what I'll do about blogging but, I'll definitely be taking pics and videos for you for when I get back.  Stay tuned!

No More Pussyfooting Around

OMG...What have I gotten myself into?  I just want to hide.  

You know I'm about to bring you another MAGICAL post.  My hands are even shaking as I type.  Drum roll pleeeeeeeeease................

Your girl's gonna do Stand-up!  Oh sh***************t.  

I am so effin scared right now.  

Omg I'm gonna do stand-up.  Omg.  Omg. OMG I'M GONNA DO STAND-UP!!!!!!!  

I'm gonna throw up.

I asked and God/The Universe literally delivered.....MAGICALLY.

Post break-up, when it was fresh in me, my heart was extremely angry...rageful really.  The thoughts and emotions were irrational and some psychotic.  I told my roommate that I'm seriously feeling more and more ready to do stand-up and get some rage out.  And then I just threw it out there...without really thinking I would go through with it any time soon.  I said, "Hey, you remember Suzanne Whang?  She coaches stand-up.  I want to ask her if she's still available for that."  My roommate said, "Email her before your trip so you don't talk yourself out of it later.  Don't wait."  "Yeah", I thought.  I knew she was right but, all of a sudden, the possibility became so real that it scared me that I could easily set things in motion.  I decided to 'think' about it some more.  

What happens...two days later, Suzanne Whang messages me on Facebook.  Yes!  SHE messaged ME!  Folks,  I can't write sh*t better than this.  I mean, could God/The Universe have been more obvious?!  Is it just me?  Am I going to cuckoo?  I don't know but, it just sent tingles all down my body...my heart filled up with thanks, my eyes with tears, my stomach with emotions....I took a deep breath and wrote back.  

Even though I don't feel as ready as I'd like to feel...God/The Universe knows better.  I can take a hint.  I'm trusting and just going for it.  

So, it is confirmed.  I begin when I return from my trip.  Going right into it.  No more pussyfooting around.  I've been talking about this for years.  Finally, it's happening.  And I'm sure Suzanne will have me on a stage in no time.  I'm gonna throw up.  

I feel my Ego creeping in and out as I write this.  I'm like, "You can still get out of it....you really don't have to do anything you don't want to do... maybe it's just not the right time....it'll happen when it happens....um, what if she's like, 'these are your best stories?'....oh damn, i'm feeling a lil flaky....blah blah blah".

Then there's the other voice.  The voice of my inner child.  The voice of my talent.  The voice of my genius.  The voice of intuition.  The voice of God/The Universe.  "You know you got this.  You've always known that.  It's just taken some time for you to see and trust that but, do you now?  I would have sent you a million signs, a million people to help and guide you.  Know that you're not doing this alone.  You don't have to.  You never did.  I'm here.  Allow my help.  Allow my love for you.  Don't be scared lil one.  You're just scared because it means that much to you.  You will be great.  You are so brave and I'm so proud of you.  Thank you for trusting....keep trusting.  Your life is unfolding perfectly.  I love you."

My friend Rahi, an amazing soul said to me before a 'big' audition, "Remember, it's between you and God.  :)"  I can't tell you how profoundly that shifted things in me.  

Breathe into both voices.  Which one feels better?  There you go.  AND go there you.  ;)  Don't think...just feel and go.  Make a choice and believe with your whole heart that that's the perfect choice...because you made it.  YOU back up your choice, YOU support it...no one else will for you.  When you commit, there's no telling what magical things God/The Universe will bring your way.  

Again, here's my favorite quote of all time.   Can you see why?  

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” 
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

So, now I have you all as my accountability buddies.  I'm gonna do this.  It's gonna happen.  It already happened in my heart a long time ago...it's just taken some time to manifest.  I will let you know when I do my first show.   :)

Holy.  I'm gonna miss you guys.  Check in though....I'll try to put up something if I can.

Have a kick ass week and talk soon!

with LOVE,

Alex