Hello World. Hello Everybody.
How do you like today's title?? Nympho or Creative Genius. I love it. Keep reading. And keep in mind that my writing is more stream of consciousness. Especially this post. I hope it makes sense.
I got demons coming up and out. My inner demons are having its moments. WELCOME. Even with this post again, struggling. I'm on a time crunch too and I'm finishing the editing the vlog at the same time. I feel like I'm half-assing it with this post and vlog but, I have to put it up. The perfectionist in me doesn't want to publish SHIT right now but, F*ck it. Our shower isn't working and the plumbers are an hour and half late, there's a crazy lady walking around our neighborhood egging houses and putting gum in locks...EVENTFUL morning!
RESISTANCE. Boy, is it some sh*t. What is RESISTANCE?
According to the book, The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.......
The following is a list, in no particular order, of those activities that most commonly elicit Resistance:
1) The pursuit of any calling in writing, painting, music, film, dance, or any creative art, however marginal or unconventional.
2) The launching of any entrepreneurial venture or enterprise, for profit or otherwise.
3) Any diet or health regimen.
4) Any program of spiritual advancement.
5) Any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals.
6) Any course or program designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction.
7) Education of every kind.
8) Any act of political, moral, or ethical courage, including the decision to change for the better some unworthy pattern of thought or conduct in ourselves.
9) The undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help others.
10) Any act that entails commitment of the heart. The decision to get married, to have a child, to weather a rocky patch in a relationship.
11) The taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity.
In other words, any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health, or integrity. Or, expressed another way, any act that derives from our higher nature instead of our lower. Any of these will elicit Resistance.
There are many other characteristics of Resistance and Steven Pressfield not only breaks it down...he gives you solutions that make you feel like a badass, who can handle your business,...and then some. Get the book and read it. It will seriously do you good. I can safely say, 'Trust Me" on this one. :)
Today's VLOG was birthed from just that. Me and my Resistance battling it out, literally. This is my loose take on Sh*t _____ Says. See below for video.
And apparently, my voice classes have been triggers.
First, some logistics about the workshop. Total of 3 classes, 4 hours each class. Taking all 3 classes is optional...you can just take one if you like. $70 per class.
Oh, and thank you Judith, for turning me on to her. A gift of a lifetime. :)
Adele Cabot is one brilliant woman and teacher. Thank God for her. I love teachers who are both intuitive and technical. Again, it's the whole marrying of Magical and Mechanical And so is Larry Moss. Adele is so in tune with you...so specific with you. When she worked with me, I was sold on her forever. She looked at my body and saw areas where I was holding tension. She would then gently touch the part and patiently guide you to releasing it. She's got magic hands and eyes but, because she's got a magic heart. And all is evident when you work with her. We need more teachers like her. I am still amazed by her intuition...she's magical.
You'll be surprised to see how much we tense up to not feel, deal, and heal. Control. LET. IT. GO. You can only connect to your voice when you release the control. And it's pretty powerful stuff when you connect to that part of you. It makes me emotional whenever this happens. Your voice is an instrument that's instrumental to you as an artist. So, doing voice work is extremely important. I know this now.
And because of control, do you know that we've been walking around tense for so long that we actually think it's normal? I KNOW that I hold most of my tensions in my stomach, shoulders, neck, and jaw BUT, I didn't even realize that I also hold it in my butt and down there. Yes, I know, let me explain. This is where it gets fascinating.
All our lives we have been told that when you breathe, you gotta breathe from and to your diaphragm. Well, here's what Adele taught me, and this CHANGED my life. Your diaphragm isn't the end point....you gotta go deeper....meaning, you gotta breathe ALL the way down. Down to your vagina/penis and anus.
Whaaaaaat? That's cray cray Alex. How do you do that? It's quite easy. Just imagine taking in a breath and it traveling all the way down there.
Here's what I discovered about myself through the experience.
We were doing floor works. I was on my left side laying down, then my right side...all the while breathing....and everything seemed normal and still tense. Then the moment came very unexpectedly. For a second I didn't care about "Am I doing this right?", "Should I keep my eyes closed?", "I wonder how I look?", "I'm hungry."......for a moment, I only heard Adele telling us to take a deeeeeeep breath. I felt my body. I felt it heavy on the floor. I just took a deep breath. I followed my breath. I followed it from my mouth, to throat, to chest, to diaphragm. When it got to the diaphragm, I thought, "Holla! This is a good, deep breath." and then it happened. I let the breath travel down further. And as soon as it got down there, I locked up. I consciously felt myself blocking and locking up my vajayjay. Do you know why? Because I got aroused.
Now, that's cray cray!! I got horny in class and I locked up because something in me thought it was wrong. Who freaking knew? Why did I lock up? Perhaps being Korean-American and growing up in a devout Protestant home? Or maybe the fact that I had an experience where I got in trouble when I was younger for expressing my sexuality (I'll write about this another time). But, who cares? The fact that I learned about it NOW is all that matters. Because I now have the power to reclaim whatever I gave up. My mind thought I was a free bird but, my body taught me otherwise. My body showed me. And I listened. Sometimes you just gotta stop trying to figure things out and just put your body into it.
And from my experience with Kundalini, I put something else together for myself. The anus and sex organs are your first and second chakras, respectively. Did you know that your 2nd chakra, your sex organ is also linked to your creativity?? Yes! Now, it's like alchemy. It's like transmuting from one form or energy (lower level) into another (higher level). I see myself as a modern day alchemists. The arousal is a human want/need...but, this lower level energy can be turned into a creative expression, a higher level energy. I will also write more about this another time.
And this is something wonderful to learn about yourself, right? I should feel amazing now that I discovered this, right? Well, I've been feeling sh*tty about it. Not just about this, but it's like a domino effect. I'm having epiphanies throughout the day and it's frustrating and overwhelming at times. Because I want to make the transitions as seamless as possible. I'm experiencing growth pains I guess.
I told Adele about it before our last class. I even told her that I honestly didn't even feel like coming to the last class. Resistance was saying, "Oh golly..you've been working so hard, you deserve a break. Don't go if you don't feel like it". Tricky little bugger. But I went. I went to finish what I started. And I'm glad I did. Because Adele listened to me with so much compassion and she reassured me that when people start doing jaw work, things come up. Interesting. This is what I love. Work like this. Work that transforms you. Work that makes you feel uncomfortable but stretches you. Her compassion for me in that moment put me at ease. I'm doing the work necessary to become more of who I AM. To recognize and remember who I AM.
If you'd like to know more about Adele and her classes, here is her website.
I will write more about this again another time. Part II coming up next week. While writing all this, it's been quite an eventful morning and I'm feeling rushed. Breeeeeeeeeeathe.
I'm taking new headshots today. I'll post some pics next week.
And here's the VLOG I made about Resistance!
Have a great week.
with LOVE,
Alex
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