My friend Cammy and I made a cute and funny FEEL GOOD video. Going through break-ups are hard but when you survive it....you come out more YOU. So, here's the video, I hope you enjoy.
Speaking of break-ups......
I learned more profoundly what it means to be INTIMATE and to be the FEMININE this past week.
I met up with an ex. He's the first ex ever to reconnect with, let alone meet with. We had a wonderful relationship that lasted for a year but ended abruptly, 4 years ago. We haven't spoken or seen each other since.
Days leading up to finally seeing him, I started to get cold feet. Even though I agreed to see him, I was still one foot out. I would talk myself in and out of it throughout the day. I started to get anxious, irritable, quiet, scattered....felt like something was brewing inside me. My Ego and I were going at it. I guess this was weighing on me more than I wanted it to.
Because I was reacting and responding from an unconscious and/or subconscious place, and it emotionally stirred up things in me, I was wanting to avoid it, run from it,....I knew there was healing for me there.
Who knew my first healing lesson would come so soon...and in quite an embarrassing way?
INTIMACY
I called him to let him know I was downstairs. I haven't heard his voice in 4 years...nerve-wracking. He picks up. It was fine. He said he was coming down. As soon as we hung up, I could feel every cell in my body panicking. I didn't know what to do....not enough time to call someone but, I can text! Yes, that's what I'll do. So, I texted Cammy. "OMG, he's coming down..gonna see him in 2 sec! Aaaaaahhhh!!!" Send. I check my phone to see how much time has gone by since I called him. Whaaaaaaaaaat. I kid you not, that text didn't go to Cammy....it went to my ex! I was mortified.
I poked my head out the window...there he was...walking over. I wanted to just drive off and never speak to him again..but, no. Let go of your Ego and insecurities Alex. And if yoga taught me anything...it's to stay in it...through the discomfort and pain and see what's on the other side.
So, my first words to him were, "I texted you something by accident and I'm so embarrassed!" I just got effin honest. One of my most vulnerable moments I have to say. He played it off like a gentleman...thank you.
In that moment, I learned more about intimacy. True intimacy. Intimacy with myself.
Are you the actor/actress that has a hard time watching yourself? I used to want to crawl out of my skin when I had to watch myself...I didn't like my voice, I didn't like my nervous ticks, I didn't like my skin, I didn't like this, I didn't like that. Mistakes! Mistakes! MISTAKES!! Woof! So, when I started making my vlogs...I had no choice but to sit through the discomfort of it so that I can edit. I learned a lot about myself and about acting through it. I was becoming more intimate with myself...getting to know myself and accepting myself.
In that moment, yes, my ex played a part in making the situation less awkward but, I did too. That's the important thing. I stayed and got honest about it because I knew intuitively that it was a 'meant-to-be mistake'. It was a lesson for me to not run away and bury the experience but instead, own up to it and love myself through it. I revealed a vulnerable, nervous, unmanageable side of me and it was OK. Regardless of his response, I was OK. I got intimate with myself big time.
Can you relate to this at all? Is there anything you intuitively feel like there's a part(s) of you that needs your love and compassion?? There's healing there. Be brave and go. It'll be painful but, stay in it, and see what's on the other side. It's usually...no, always what you would never expect, in a good way...and perhaps, even glorious.
The FEMININE
He got me flowers. He prefaced it by saying, "I got you something but, don't get weird about it." Hahaha. I thanked him and accepted.
Sounds normal right? Nope.
Let's read in between the lines, shall we? He prefaced it by saying not to get weird about it...because I could get weird about it. And he was right. I could have gotten mad at him. I would have in the past. I would have put too much pressure on the flowers, made it all more than it really was, then get mad at him for making me feel pressured. But, here's the truth....it was just a nice gesture on his part. I know that now. So, I received with thanks.
What it means to be the FEMININE. The FEMININE energy is about receiving. The MASCULINE energy is about giving. In that moment, because I received, I took on the feminine role...and by my doing that, I opened a space for him to be the giver, and naturally take on the masculine role.
We all have both divine energies in us. It's about finding balance of both. We live in a society where it's been masculine driven, "We live in a man's world". But, as we shift into the New Aquarian Age, we will feel and see the rise of the feminine. The world will become less about doing but, about being. And many women of our time have lost our ability to receive because we've been fighting men for equality. But, we can't be. Because we're just different. We have different roles. It's knowing yours. In the spiritual sense. And by knowing your role in the spiritual sense, it will translate into the physical world.
I am no longer the girl that says, "Why can't you be a man?" but, I am now the woman that knows how to create the space for a man to step into his role.
Finding your role and feeling your energy complement with another isn't just for you and your lover....it's with everyone in your life too. For example, I was crossing the street and I came to a 4 way intersection. As a pedestrian, yes I have the right of way but sometimes I let cars go first. I signaled the car to go, she said for me to go, I was going to tell her to go again but, I just held my hand up, smiled and lipped 'thank you'. She smiled back. You're giving by receiving. Look at the Yin Yang symbol.
So, ladies, let's own our divine energy. Reawaken it and light up the world. :)
Great lessons right?!
And I'm grateful to my ex for being my mirror and teacher. :)
Have a wonderful week everybodyyyyy. Oh, Happy Thanksgiving!!!! :) :)
with LOVE,
Alex
No comments:
Post a Comment