"Fan or Stalker?" Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 17.

Sallie DeEtte Mackie Photography.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  My next show is coming up!  Sunday, May 5th.  I will be one of four ladies performing at SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALKS.  What will I talk about???  Hmmmmm???
Ladies only.



Now on to the main attraction....



Fan or Stalker??


This past week I received a fan email requesting for a signed copy of my photo.  This is now my second.  Sounds pretty cool, yes?

However, I freaked out a bit.

The first one came straight to my personal email address.  This second one was sent to my two separate agents (commercial and theatrical) which was then forwarded to me.  At first, I was excited and pleasantly surprised.  I read the email and thought, "This is amazing!  I can't believe there are people I don't know seeing my work!"  Then, "Wait a minute.  How did he find my agents' contact info?  Wait a minute.  What else could people find out about me on the web?"  Fear started to creep in.

No no no.  I won't let the fears creep in.  I'm just going to think positive thoughts and be grateful.  So, I took a picture of the email and sent it out into my social media accounts.  The feedback on Facebook was mixed.  Some people 'Liked', while others warned me to be careful of weirdos.

Guess where I put my focus?  On the comments that were warning me to be careful.  My pep talks to myself weren't working anymore.  I started to concoct crazy ass stories in my head.  Like the ones that you try to dismiss quickly because it's just too scary.  And I was getting mad at myself for not being able to stop.  We can become so imaginative.

"This is not my reality.  I'll create that if I keep thinking about it, so stop thinking about it damnit!"  I hated believing in the Law of Attraction.

Then a friend who was also in the movie texted me shortly after and said that her agent received the same exact email, word for word, just the name was different.  What the fuck.  I got real angry with the fan/stalker because he was making me feel too vulnerable without my consent.  People react differently when they feel attacked....some get hurt, some feel guilty, some back down and give up.  I turn into a monster.  It's as if all the rage of the world enters me and I don't care if I die in the process, I'm taking you down, your family, your pet, everything you've got.  Starting with torture with my bare hands.  I see red.  It's you or me to the death....I become relentless.  If I had a super power, it would probably be fire (I'm a fire sign and I love heat) and my name would be Rage.

Now, that's one side of me.  The flip side of me, because there's always a flip side, would be the all loving, everything is cool, what's meant to be will be, just go with the flow, carefree, relaxed me.  The lover, the peacemaker, not the fighter.  Of course, I emailed another friend who was in the movie and she reflected back to me this version of me.  Her manager received the same email as well.  Her take was, "Oh Alex, you have nothing to worry about.  It comes with the territory and just be grateful that you're getting fans!  You're safe girl."  I felt better but, not 100%.  I'm not saying it was coming from a naive perspective but, something was missing.....for me.

I was now again left to process this extreme alone.  One extreme to another.  Back and forth.  Fuck, I just want to find my balance.  What feels good to me??  I can't even tell anymore.

God/The Universe speaks when you stop talking and start listening.  Instead of trying to figure out the answer, I asked for an answer.

Reality.  What is the reality of the situation, Alex?  The reality is, I received a fan email.  That's it.  

The anxiety and rage left my body.  I felt it.  My heart opened up again.  I took a conscious breath.  I was grateful for my reality.

I had a similar experience not too long ago.  I have Google Alert set up.  Google alerts me whenever my name pops up on the web.  Some time last year, in the span of a week, I found out that 1.  Someone created a Facebook profile page without my consent.  He/she got my pics from my personal Facebook account and posted a few status updates pretending to be me.  Crazy, huh?  2.  Then, someone else made a youtube video of me, again, without my consent.  He/she pulled a bunch of my pictures from the web and put together a slideshow.

I freaked out and got angry then too.  Eventually the fears subsided and I moved past it.  I figured, "Learn how to handle and process these now because I'm in it to win it.  I'll probably get more of these in the future.  I'm in training now."

I don't know what my balance is quite yet.  I'm simply managing how to stay grateful, gracious, and cautious.  My dear friend, Miss J recommended a book to me.  Turns out I already had it.  Isn't that so serendipitous?  I bought it about 8 years ago when my first acting coach recommended it to me.  I was doing a scene from the play, Extremities by William Mastrosimone.  It was a rape scene.  How does fear take place in a woman's mind and body before something so intrusive happens?  I read a little bit from the book mentioned, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.  Oprah calls him the nation's leading expert on violent behavior.  De Becker believes, "True fear is a gift.  Unwarranted fear is a curse."  And he teaches you how to tell the difference.

Knowledge is power and I want to educate myself as much as possible.  For this book to come full circle in my life again, it's a sign, as I see it.  So yes, I will be reading this book, in full, this time.

I believe this particular fan is a genuine fan of the movie.  I would have done the same thing if I were requesting for autographs from the cast....send out the same letter just with different names.  So, Mr. Fan, thank you for your love and support of our movie.

I'm setting some healthy boundaries for myself.  I'm also learning how to act with integrity for myself and with others, especially when I don't feel like it.  I accept all the challenges and lessons to come and I will respond with kindness and according to my truth.  This is the journey for this thriving actress.  I saw this and thought it was perfect for this lesson.

And here's the fan email in case you're curious.

So, to all my fellow thriving artists, what does your journey look like for you this week?  Any boundaries you can set?  How does acting with kindness and integrity look for you?




with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

"My Beauty/No More Acne Vlog". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 16.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering this week......

*  I did Lyndsey Baldasare's casting director workshop this week.  Went well and had fun!  She gave me an adjustment and I did it without feeling like I was trying too hard or working too hard at it.  It felt easy and I felt like it was just me saying the lines.  Uber fun.  Plus, I caught her off guard and she let out a chuckle.  :D

Now on to the main attraction.......

I put together my beauty secrets/regimen vlog.  

Also, if you're an acne sufferer like I was, you're gonna wanna watch this!  Yeah yeah.

I tried editing it down as much as I could but, I wanted to be as thorough as possible with this.  So, it's a bit long but, I think it's worth it.  Let me know what you think.

Also, trying to make this 'perfect' has been causing much anxiety.  I've literally worked on this for days without giving any attention to my writing (I have a show, maybe two coming up soon), or anything else for that matter.  Jeeeeez, I had to wrap it up and say, "It's ok.  Be done with it and believe you did the best you could".  So, it's not as polished as I want it to be but, F*CK ITTTTTT!!!!  :D  Letting go of the 'idea' of perfection and putting myself out there, AS IS.  Another lesson I learned while making this.  

"Small Steps Lead To BIG Dreams". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 15.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week......


*  My next show peeps!!!  So excited and nervous.  Ga ga ga ga gaaaaa.  Save The Date!  SUNDAY, MAY 5TH.  Doors open @ 8pm.  Show starts @ 8:30pm.  It's called SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALKS.  Four women, four stories.  It's a wonderful venue.  Unfortunately, NO BOYS ALLOWED.  It's only for ladies.  How cool is that?!  It's so underground, I love it!  I will post more deets as we get closer to the date.

*  Went to another Nerium AD event.  My friends are little by little jumping on the bandwagon since they're seeing for themselves how fabulous my skin is.  Yaaay to gorgeous skin!

Now on to the main attraction......


I've been watching more Tony Robbins youtube videos.  I came across this one video where Tony explains that when you feel like things aren't going right, you're probably a millimeter away.

He uses golf as an example.  Tony only took up golfing because his kids like to play.  First day, Tony was kicking ass.  Second day, he was sucking.  The ball just kept going into the water.  He said he was getting so frustrated when the instructor came over and said, "You know, you're just a few millimeters away."  A millimeter can mean your ball going into the green, the water, or the sand.  A slight adjustment can mean a whole lotta difference.

I understood this, intellectually.  Until, I was in my Kundalini class.  We were doing a very simple exercise.  Have you ever made a snow angel?  Or have you ever done some jumping jacks?  That's what it looks like except you're sitting in easy pose.  Seems simple enough, right?  Well, try doing that for 3 minutes straight, all the while you're doing the breath of fire (heavy breathing through your nose). My arms were hurting, my nose was hurting.  I just wanted out of the damn exercise.  At the same time, I wanted to stay in it because I knew I could.   At that point, it wasn't about "Am I going to stay in it or quit?" but, it was about, "How can I stay in it?  What can I do to finish?"

I was making all kinds of adjustments.  Slowing it down a little bit.  Going faster.  Sitting up a little taller.  Slouching shortly after.  Not raising my arms all the way up.  Then raising it all the way up.  Thinking about something pleasant.  Thinking about something that makes me angry.  Trying not to think at all.  I found some sort of relief from each adjustment.  Then, just when I found my groove again, the exercise was done.  I was proud of myself for staying in it.

Even with my skin.  I love my skin now but, for 15 years, I hated it and I was ashamed of it.  Growing up with cystic acne was extremely painful.  During the 15 years, I HAVE tried everything and nothing worked (for long) so I was too discouraged to believe clear skin was even possible for me.  I figured if these big and expensive changes (lasers, antiobiotics, Accutane, etc...) aren't working for me, then small changes will definitely not do anything.  Now, in hindsight, I see how the small and gradual changes were KEY to having clear skin.  I started drinking more water, then I started drinking less cold water and more warm to hot water, then I started putting lemon in my water.  I changed my diet.  I changed my sleep pattern.  I began using my body more, yoga, working out, sweating, and releasing toxins from my body.  I began writing more, expressing, and emotionally processing and releasing toxins from my mind and heart.  This whole process started about 4 or 5 years ago.  I didn't tackle everything at once (I tried).  I started with one and then kept building on top of that.  Four or five years ago, I would have said, "No way, it's gonna take me that long?"  Today, I'm saying, "Thank God!"

Remember last week I put up one of Tony Robbins's quotes?
"People who fail focus on what they have to go through; people who succeed focus on what it will feel like at the end."

Keep your eye on the prize.  Nothing is built overnight.  Anything and everything sustainable takes time.  If you want longevity with your career, give it equal time to prepare for it, to nurture an environment for it, every day, in every small way you can.  Don't wait for conditions to be better for you to start.  It's already perfect.  It's just waiting for you to see that.  Figure out what steps you need to take to get there.  Then begin.  Leave no small action not taken.  Every small step counts.  Each action carries you to the next action.  From where you are, take a step.  From where you are, tweak and re-adjust.  From where you are, begin.  Don't be afraid to begin.  And don't be afraid to do it over and over and over again.  I'll leave you with another Tony Robbins quote.

"When it seems impossible, when it seems like nothing is going to work, you're usually just a few millimeters away from making it happen."

You get the point, yah?

So, what millimeter of change can you make today?  

Have a fun week of making small, long lasting changes!  

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

"Quotes And Sh*t". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 14.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  What do you guys think???  I vamped up my blog.  Well, it started with my wanting to add a 'Subscribe' option linked to my Mailchimp account.  Then I ended up playing around with some templates.  I accidentally 'Applied' the changes and lost my old template.  I was working on this baby all weekend.  I think it looks more modern and fresh.

Now on to the main attraction.....

My brain's not working.  I've been working on this post for a couple days now and I can't seem to finish a paragraph or a sentence!  So, I've stepped away to read some funny and motivational quotes.  So, this is what I have for you this week.....some funny, light, motivational quotes!  :D  

Speaking of light, let's start with this one!

This is a cute one.  

My mother would say this one describes me to a T.

I KNOW you can all relate.

Hollaaaaaaaa!

I love Tony Robbins.

Before Tony Robbins, there was Zig Ziglar.

Me and one of my quotes.  I got quotes too.  :)

Joseph Campbell.  Jump.  

Who doesn't love Ryan Gosling?

I like this next one because when I was younger, I had trouble saying the words, 'worm' and 'warm'.  It just reminded me of that, that's all.  

Hahahahahaha.  He's just chillin.  Too funny.

In case you don't see it, it says, "It's Only Love.  Give It Away."

Last but, not least....Mickey, take it away!

Hope you enjoyed today's post!  I sure did.  :D

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

'Fear Of Success, Who Meeee?' Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 13

Photo by Kelsey Edwards Photography

Retouches by Natalia Fedner Design

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week......

*  Had a last minute meeting with a management agency this past weekend.  Yaaay!  Let's see what happens!

*  Remember the night-time mask, Nerium AD??  I started late last year but, didn't really stick to it routinely.  Also, my trip to New York for a month and half threw me off.  Well, I've been back on it, and using it regularly for a little over a month now.  My skin's AMAZING.  I keep getting compliments.  I, and my friends completely see a difference with my skin tone and texture.  My regular facials are helping with my acne but, I have lots of acne scars.  Nerium is definitely helping with the healing process.  Plus, it's tightening up my face.  It's like a fountain of youth in a bottle, I swear.  I should have, could have, taken more pics earlier....oh well.  I'm starting now.  Here's my skin, with no makeup.  NO MAKEUP!!  YESSSSSS!  

Do you see how smooth my skin is already??

Some dark spots and discoloration.  Dark acne scars are easier to rid than....

Ice pick/pock marks.  You can't really see but, I have those too.  Those are permanent but, Nerium helps fill them out.

Now on to the main attraction......

Fear of Success??  Who meeeeee????!!!!!!!!

Why would I fear success?  It's what I want.  Or so I thought.  

When I met with the management agency, they said, "You should be going out more."  Yeah, I'm gonna toot my own horn here,.....I agree.  But, I don't.  I know why.  Fear of success.  My internal conflict.

This is how it looks for me these days.  

I fear that I will become so successful that I will barely have time to eat, sleep, date, hang with friends, go on vacations, stick to my spiritual practices, work out with my trainer, see my family, play with my dog, take a nap, lay out in the Sun, and write my blog.  Sounds dramatic? 

I have come to live my life a certain way....the way it suits me, comfortably.  I like my freedom.  I like having options on how to spend my time.  I do well achieving things under pressure but, I do it with resentment at that point.  As much as I love the art and craft of acting and storytelling, and as lucky as I am to be able to pursue my dream, I know me......I know once I feel overwhelmed and not in control, I will be like a walking time bomb.  I will take things for granted and I won't enjoy a single thing.  That's what I'm afraid of.  Not being able to live my life on my terms and enjoying it.  But, what scares me even more is that my fear of this will actually hold me back from taking action.

For example, when I received a response about meeting with the management agency, I immediately felt, "Yaaaay!!!", then the voices started happening.  "What if I sign with them, they get me out a lot, and then I start booking and working like crazy.  That means Bells (my dog) will be home alone and that makes me feel sad and guilty.  What if my sleep schedule changes and I have to wake up at like 3 or 4 in the mornings?!  Then my hormones will go crazy again, and that will cause my acne to flare up again.  That means, I'm gonna have to go to bed earlier.  I already go to bed early....I'm gonna have no life.  What if the changes happen abruptly and simultaneously?  What if I can't handle them?  What if they change me?  Etc...etc.....etc.  

Can you believe I entertained the idea (hard) to decline the meeting??  I ask for one, I get it, and then I considered saying, "No, thanks."

According to my roommate, I tend to 'put the cart before the horse' in most scenarios.  Hahahahaha.  I do.

I do this because I know my breaking point, and I will stir up enough drama, in and out of me, to give me a reason to abandon my dream and responsibilities.  Because if I'm pushed to my limits, then I had no choice but to walk away,  play the victim, and I can forever blame everything and everyone outside of me for my unhappiness.  

Does that make sense?

Good news is, I'm not in denial about my not wanting to succeed.  I see my actions, lack of actions, my pattern.  

Fear is real but, it's not the truth. And they only become your truth when you allow it to stop you from taking action on behalf of your dreams, which is the ultimate reality.  YOUR DREAM IS THE ULTIMATE REALITY, not your fears.

Now what?

Now, it's to just sit with this new awareness.  This awareness is the gift and lesson itself.  This awareness will birth different thinking and different actions.  Hopefully.  And if it doesn't, that's okay too.  :)

You know.....this totally applies to my dating/love life too.  Woooof.  ;)

So, where do you fear success??  Do you see any patterns?  Are you willing to believe your truth over what you think is real?

Have a successful week....however that looks to you!

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex 

'Self-Love And Acceptance For The Type A'. Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 12.

Kelsey Edwards Photography

Retouches by Natalia Fedner Design

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

Now on to the main attraction.........

I am so Type A, it's scary funny.  

I'm either the best person to go on vacation with, or the worst.  

I went to Vegas this past weekend with one of my best friends.  Her brother had a show so we decided to drive there and see him.   I had a ball (in hindsight).  There were parts of the trip where I freaked out because I was feeling out of control.  I noticed it starting with packing.  I practically shoved half of my closet into a suitcase for fear of not having anything to wear.  Mind you, we were only there Thursday-Saturday.  I kept telling myself, "Just in case I want to change 10 times a day.  Just in case I HAVE TO change 10 times a day."  Really?  I ended up wearing maybe 3 different outfits.  Then I got mad (secretly) at my friend who asked, not tell, merely asked if I wanted to leave around 9 or 10am rather than 6am, like we had planned.  I huffed and puffed and agreed to leaving at 10.  All I could think was, "We were suppose to leave at 6.  She's so lazy."  Of course, the morning of, I was so glad we left when we did.  Then, we get there, we do our thing and the next morning rolls along.  I get up early, wake her up, and verbally coerce her into getting our day started.  We walk around the strip for a bit, do a little shopping, lay out by the pool, and get ready to go out.  We go out, she gets smashed.  She ended up losing her purse and car keys.  Oh fuck.  "How the hell are we going to get back to our hotel?  How the hell are we going to get back home now?"  All I wanted to do was slap the shit out of my friend.  As we backtracked all over Green Valley Ranch casino to look for her purse and keys, I was heated.  I was fuming from my pores.  Normally, if your friend is so drunk and she can barely walk, you help her.  Not me.  I say, "You're on your own.  You brought this on yourself."  I did keep turning around to make sure she was still behind me though.  Have you ever seen a gerbil or hamster just before it dies?  It leans up against the wall of the cardboard box...it has no balance or energy.  That what she looked like, just sliding up against the wall to stay up.  Still, no sympathy from me.

We got back to our hotel 4/4:30am.  We had to check out that morning.  I got up early to pack.  When she finally woke up, we had a 'talk'.  I was just too angry with her to hold it in.  "If I hadn't been sober, we would have never figured out that valet had the car keys, we would have never gotten back to our hotel, we would not be able to check out on time, and we would be stranded in Vegas!   We would be fucked right now!  Thank you, Alex!"  

That's my side of the story.

Her side is simpler.  She missed her brother and she was just having too much fun partying with him.

That pissed me off even more that she didn't think ahead or about the repercussions of partying too hard.  Just then, the other side of me, my Higher Self kept nagging at me.  All I kept hearing was, "Do you want to be right?  Or do you want to be kind?"  Once I committed to being kind, my Higher Self showed me something else..........where my anger was coming from.  It wasn't from her.  It was from me.  

I was angry with myself because I couldn't be simple.  I couldn't think simple.  I couldn't feel simple.  Everything has to mean something, everything is cause and effect, everything has to be profound.  I like to maximize, I like to optimize, I like to be efficient, I like to be on-top-of-things, I like to feel in control, I like being hyper-aware/hyper-conscious.  Then there's the other side of me that doesn't like it at all.  All I want to do is not give a shit, let loose, and check the fuck out.  But, I'll never let that happen....especially in front of people.

I was jealous that she was doing what I wouldn't allow myself to do.  

The funny thing is, she and I are alike in so many ways.  And she rarely lets herself go like that.  I'm glad at least one of us did....it is Vegas, after all.  I guess she felt comfortable enough with her brother and best friend to just let go.  If only I could let go.  Compassion and understanding began sinking in, for myself and for her.

We listened, talked, and laughed.  I began filling her in on details.  Speaking of details, in case you're wondering about her purse, it was in the backseat of her car the whole time.  It was like the Hangover but, female version.  We decided, we did Vegas right.  

I'm learning to be more flexible, more light, more fluid, and more easy.  I'm learning to be kind over being right.  My friend offered that whenever I wanted to 'let go', she'll make sure everything else is in control so I can relax.  Hahahaha!  What a great friend.  ;)

One good thing about me and my friends, we talk things out.  We don't hold grudges, we listen, we say "I'm sorry" and/or "Thank You" and we hold space for one another to feel and express.  That's love.

I'm lucky to have solid friendships in my life that allow me to grow as a human being and spiritual being.  

Love you friend.

  

Here are a few pics for your perusal.  

For my Asian readers....isn't this hilarious?!

Taking in Death Valley.

This is what 'letting go' looks like ya'll!

We'll always have Vegas.  :)

So, can you let go of (some) control this week?  Can you be kind over being right?

Have a great week.

with MAD LOVE,

x Alex

'What Taking Action Looks Like.' Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 11

Kelsey Edwards Photography.

Not a single thing was retouched.  Whaaaaat.  

Don't you think I can totally do a hair commercial??  ;)

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

*  I'm going to Vegas this week!  Yeah!  I was there about 5 or 6 years ago for one of my bestie's bachelorette party.  I've been such a good girl......Sin City, I'm coming for you.  

*  I have been on an accessories kick.  I like to reinvent my wardrobe whenever the season changes.  Law of Attraction actress - I want to own my own line or have my own boutique.  I'll be posting more pics.  Follow me on Instagram for faster updates!

*  Been working out twice a week with my trainer, DePaul.  Again, Law of Attraction actress -  I've always wanted to be a Bond Girl.  I also want to do an action movie or two.  So, whenever I'm working out, I pretend we're training for a movie.    

 I'm planking!  

I get to work out with a view.  Am I blessed or what?

Now on to the main attraction...........

As promised, I will have a guest blogger once a month.  Here is my dear dear friend, Maz.  Maz has been booking like crazy these days!  Argo, The Mentalist, The Mindy Project, Scandal....just to name a few.  You can find more of his honest rants on his blog, "Maz's Muzings....blah blah blah".  

Aaaannnd, here's Maz everyone!

Before I open my eyes in the morning, the first thoughts I have are, “What are you doing? You’ve wasted your life. As old as you are, do you still have time to make something of yourself?”

Then I wake up.

Then, when I’m completely alone, the same thoughts start happening again, only way louder and clearer.

It’s exhausting being this self-critical, having this much of a deep seated sense of valuelessness. Despite whatever modicum of success I attain (?), I’m convinced it’s either a total fluke or a smart assed universe that wants me to get comfortable with it, only to yank it away.

So imagine my surprise when my friend, Alex, asked me to guest blog for her telling people how I’ve ‘done it’.

We talked about it and I said I was really uncomfortable doing that because I didn’t think I had any advice to give any body. She said, “Just tell them what you do, not what they should do.”

What the heck, here you go. Do with it what you will.

This essay is due yesterday. I’m just getting to it now. But it will be ready for her, even though I’ve spent the last three weeks putting it off, because like I said, I don’t have anything to say about it. But I said I would so I’m going to.

That’s a big part of it, doing what I say I’m going to do. I don’t always but when I don’t it hurts me because my word and my deed are al I have any control over.

I wrote a play once, “Soul Mates from Hell”, and Alex was one of the leads in it. The idea had been floating around in my head for years, the result of a drunken conversation I was having with my ex-wife when she wasn’t and I said we were soul mates. From hell. It was sort of funny at the time, but true. Then we got divorced and I went through some personal demons and got to the other side and I started doing some writing and got into acting and the idea stayed there. The studio I’m a part of, Carter Thor Studio, which is just amazing, did plays. I asked if I can put one up. They asked me what it was about. It was still a germ of an idea but they sounded kind of interested and said I could. When they asked me for two dates when I wanted to put it up, I said the one date as far in the future as I could and the other date the one just before that. And it got written, it got cast, it got rehearsed, and it went up. Because I did what I said I was going to do. You want to talk about self-doubt and loud voices in my head? This was an extremely raw autobiographical piece about my life when I went through those personal demons I was talking about. But I did it.

It was well received, it showed me I could actually write, it showed me I had a voice and a point view. In spite of my total lack of worth.

The other thing I do is I do. Every ounce of self doubt I have, every screaming voice in my head telling me I’m an idiot for even thinking I can, every time I try to get someone else to tell me how great I am and they don’t because they want me to get a real job because this acting thing is never, ever going to work out or they do tell me how great I am but it’s obviously a lie because, like the voices keep telling me, I suck, in spite of all that, I do. I write (not enough) and I act (not enough) and I audition (not enough) and I try to live a creative life (nowhere near enough). I keep plugging along.

When I first started acting, I put together a resume of the scenes I’d been doing in class and the extra work I did in friends’ films and I got some headshots and started submitting myself to everything. I started auditioning for student films and that terrified me. But I kept doing it. The first thing I submitted for was for a Palestinian father. I thought, I’m Palestinian, I’m a father. This should be a no brainer. This was in the old days when you mailed out your head shot. I expected the guy I sent it to would see it and cast me immediately. That’s not what happened. Three weeks later, I was still waiting for a phone call. I swear to God, I was going to quit acting right then, but I finally got the call and I went in and I auditioned and I booked it.

And for over five years I kept doing the student film work, the scenes they recorded for their classes and the scenes they did live in class and the short films they made, I just kept doing it. 

And I learned. I learned how to audition and I learned what a mark was and how to stand on it and I learned what back to one meant and I learned about making movies.

I worked for free for a very long time but it allowed me to gain experience and put together a reel and how to have a point of view. 

Then I started going in for paying stuff. I remember when I got paid $20.00 to be an extra in a short film I don’t remember. I remember when I did my first TV show and they paid me $50.00 for a few hours work and somebody I know in Florida saw me in it. I remember when I got $100.00 a day for five days to be the lead in a short film. I made $500.00! ACTING! I remember when I did my first ‘real’ TV show, The Unit, written by David Mamet. I got to speak David Mamet’s word for a character that they hired me to play so no one else will ever say them. And then I started doing other TV shows and movies and plays and sketch comedy and, in spite of the voices I still have every single morning, I’m getting better at it.

Because I just keep doing it.

I hope this helped.

Thank you Maz!

Have an action filled week everyone!  I sure will.  

with MAD LOVE,

Alex