"How To Be A Force Of Nature." Television, Here I Come....Again! Week 3.

Bells is happy it's Friday.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

*  Signed up for two casting director workshops for this month.  Monday is with Michael McCaskey (associate with G. Charles Wright) and next week is with Allen Hooper.  Comedy!  Wish me luck!  I'm also looking into drama sides too now.  I'm gonna do some more drama casting director workshops too...I mean, I booked Criminal Minds.  I've got range, peeps.  :D

*  I'm starting a singer/songwriting class end of this month.  I've always wanted to write my own songs and perform them.  I don't have professional training but, I was always in chorus as a little girl in school.  I just like to sing, dance, and perform.  It's one of those things that scare me...singing in front of people...so, guess what, I'm gonna have to do it now.  

*  SAVE THE DATE!  FEB. 2nd, Sunday at 8pm at Bar Lubistch!  My next spoken word/storytelling show!  Come hear me talk about sex.  I've already started writing a new story.  I'm having fun with it which means, it's gonna be a good one.  Ladies only!  

Now on to the main attraction....

All the people I consider to be successful have something in common.

High energy.  They're a force of nature.

Almost to the point where they can be scattered.  But, they're not.  They channel that shit.  They use it. They're focused.  Watching them, you can feel their aliveness.  "I want to do this, and I want to do that, and I want to do this, and I want to do that."  They may not be able to sit still for long but, they get shit done.  

Suzanne, my writing coach is a Stage 4 breast cancer survivor.  And she's 50.  I'm always like, "Where the hell do you get all your energy?"  The amount of events she invites me to.  I try my best but, damn.  I don't know how she still has time and energy to support others AND take care of herself.  And do it all with a smile.   

Tony Robbins, wish I knew him personally.....but, I'm familiar with his work.  I love it.  When I first started seeing my kinesiologist, Dr. B, he told me he worked on Tony Robbins once.  It was after one of his workshops in LA.  According to Dr. B, Tony Robbins usually sees someone once he's done with his workshops because he puts so much energy into his work that his body gets all out of whack.  He has to see someone to recalibrate, re-adjust, re-align, recharge, and regain balance.    

Point is, they do what's necessary to keep themselves in top shape.  I remember when I first started coaching with Suzanne, she said that she didn't really take care of her self before she found out about her cancer.  She didn't meditate, didn't drink enough water, didn't eat well, and held on to things emotionally.  She said it's quite great that I'm starting all these things now.  

You know what pisses me off though?  I naturally have more energy than anyone but, I realize I do things to drain myself, rather than replenish myself.  It's a form of self-sabotage.  If I'm drained and tired, it's an excuse to not do my work.

For example, smoking cigarettes.  I know.  Usually after a couple drags, I feel it making the cells in my body tired and heavy but, I still smoke the rest of it.  I have over-commitment issues.  I committed to finishing the cigarette so I will follow through even though I don't like it.  It's my perfectionist way of punishing myself.  But, if I do put it out after the couple drags, and walk away....my energy gets replenished.  

Another example, Facebook stalking.  I was obsessed with this guy once and I literally checked his page and pictures a thousand times a day.  Bah hahaha...I mean, seriously.  Cuckoo cuckoo.  :D  Sometimes I'll just leave the tab open on my laptop, take care of others things, open up the tab again to see what he's been up to in the last 3 minutes, ok, go back to doing my thing.  Am I the only one?

Some other things that drain the shit out of me:

1.  Not meditating in the morning

2.  Procrastinating

3.  Being indecisive.  This is soooooo draining for me.  Whenever I'm in limbo.  In between things.  Torn.  Can't seem to make a decision.  Fearful of making the wrong choice.

4.  Road rage

5.  Getting in my head and beating myself up for something that didn't go the way I wanted

6.  Over-committing to things and people

7.  Not being able to keep a promise....especially to myself

8.  Not drinking enough water

9.  Not eating well, or enough, or too much

10.  Over-thinking something or about someone

The thing is, the minute I take my power back, my energy is replenished.  Naturally.  Automatically.  

I haven't worked a 9-5 in a while but, when I did, once I got into the rhythm of it with a day off here and there, I was good.  But, what I do now......putting my heart and soul into each word I write, every word I say in an audition room, being ok with uncertainties, being ok with being seen, or not.  I feel like I'm living my life on the edge.  I don't know about tomorrow....or about later today.  All I have is my truth in this moment.  

And it's draining to dig deep down inside of me....sometimes things I don't want to see come out, sometimes I pleasantly discover a new thing, but, it's constantly shaping me, knocking me down, then shaping me, then knocking me down again, and etc...  

I blog and keep all this documented because I know it's difficult to see the whole picture now but, in hindsight....all this, they're going to pieces of a puzzle that I've been putting together one at a time.  That's my hope.  

So until then, I have to nurture all the energy in me.  Make sure I get the job done, whatever that may be at the moment.  Just gotta do my best.

These are some things that replenishes my energy:

1.  Meditating in the mornings

2.  Making a To Do list

3.  Checking off my To Do list

4.  Getting in the zone when I'm writing

5.  Only using social media for genuine interactions....not one-way stalkings

6.  Taking Bells out

7.  Breathing

8.  Taking a 20 minute cat nap

9.  Going for a run

10.  Having great conversations with strangers

11.  Dancing to my favorite songs in front of the mirror

12.  Singing out loud while driving

13.  The Korea spa

14.  Drinking plenty of water

15.  Eating healthy small portions throughout the day

16.  Making a decision

17.  Finally doing that thing I have been putting off...calling/texting/emailing someone back, paying those parking tickets, writing that masterpiece, signing up for workshops, working out, going to see the doctor/dentist, etc.

I have to have high energy to do what I came here to do.  I take that back, actually, I want to see what I'm capable of, and access that.  My optimum potential is waiting.  Because the more I 'get involved' in my career and life, things happen...things start moving, and I want to be able to move with it, keep up with it.  

We all have an abundance of natural energy.  We all have the ability to be a force of nature.  We can actually draw energy from elsewhere too, if we wanted.  You just gotta know how energy works and listen to your body.  Start small.  And recognize the subtleties too.  Are you feeling drained or replenished?  In this moment, what small thing can you do to replenish yourself or stop draining yourself?  

I don't know how yet but, I plan on becoming a force of nature this year.  How about you?

Wishing you a THRIVING week, peeps.

with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

"Thank You But, No Thank You." Television, Here I Come...Again! Week 2.

I drew that heart on my finger. 

Dear Diary,


Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  SAVE THE DATE!  February 2nd, Sunday, I will be performing LIVE at Bar Lubistch for SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALKS again!!  I'm getting nervous and excited.  You all know about my stage fright.  :/

*  By next post, I'll have signed up for some casting director workshops.  I gotta plug it into my calendar before I'm ready.   Keep you posted which ones I sign up for.




Now on to the main attraction.....


I have all my reps in place and I'm going out more.  It's great but, the more I go out, I see that I don't want some of them.

It's actually scary when I don't want something.  I think, "Oh dear, do I NOT want this?  Why?  Who do you think you are?  You're suppose to take whatever you can get.  You never know where this will lead.  You're suppose to SEIZE EVERY OPPORTUNITY!!"

I think whoever made that one up forgot, 'Seize Every Opportunity ONLY IF YOU WANT TO'.

Seriously, what is the point of pursuing something if your heart is not invested??  It's like dating somebody for the sake of dating?  You know this isn't going anywhere...you know you guys have nothing in common...you know you're not even that attracted to him............whyyyyy are you doing this?????

I've lived a chunk of my life seizing shit I didn't want to seize because it would make others around me happy.  I can't do that shit no more.  How about you make yourself happy and I make myself happy?  Let's just worry about our own damn selves.

Hahaha, which reminds me of a guy I dated, Bryan.  Bryan, if you're reading this, hi!  Anyways, Bryan and I would say to each other, "You're never responsible for my happiness.  That's my job."

I'm doing my job.   I'm invested in my happiness and what my heart wants.

But, what the hell does my heart want?

My heart's a lil rusty when it comes to differentiating what I really want vs.  what I think I want.  It takes practice knowing what you want.  It seems so simple but, it's not....at first.  I believe it will get so much easier.

But, it's like learning to walk again.  My heart is re-learning how to communicate, process, and heal.  My heart is learning to be its own heart.  Being constantly told as a child, "You're too young.  You don't know anything.  I know what's best for you."

Woof.  Made me a very very angry little girl.

I'm starting fresh every day.  Who the hell knows what I want today?  The only thing I can do is check in with my heart each day, moment to moment.

All I know is, I'm sick of pushing myself to do things I don't want to do.  Plain and simple.

People will have their opinions.  People already have opinions.

I'm sick of worrying about opinions too.

I don't know what kind of persona I'll be reinventing myself as this year.  It feels like I'm kind of morphing into Kanye West and Nicki Minaj, privately.  I listen to their music and pump my head up.  Maybe all that cockiness is rubbing off on me and this year, I'm gonna talk maaaad shit.  Hahaha.  The thought of that makes me laugh.

Actually, I'm laughing.  Maniacally.

And actually, it feels liberating.

Oh, I don't know, guys.

What the hell are we all doing anyway?

Why do we get up in the mornings?  To prove something?  To whom?

Where my chai latte at?

I'm in my head already.

Getting out of it so I can get some stuff done.

Anyways,

It's a trap if you believe artists should just take any work that comes their way.  I don't believe that at all.  Yes, you gotta pay your dues but, you don't have to force anything.  I believe that I work hard on my craft.  And because I do, I know where I can use more experience and knowledge.  I'll be the judge of where I pay my dues.  I believe that I do have something specific and unique to me.  And it's my right as the artist and talent to choose where I want to showcase that.

So, that's where I'm at right now.

Being ok with the fact that I don't want every job.  Saying "Thank you but, no thank you."  It seems so counterintuitive to not want something but, that helps me see what I DO want.  And go after that.....wholeHEARTedly.  There's nothing like the power that comes from you when you and your heart are on the same page.



Have a THRIVING week, peeps.



with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

First Post Of 2014, The Year Of Magic. "Television, Here I Come...Again!" Week 1.

Dear Diary,


Here's my offering to you this week.....

*  Happy 2014 you guys!  Hope you all had a spectacular holiday season.  Back to the grind, as they say.  Let's do this sh*t.

*  SAVE THE DATE:  February 2nd.  Doing another live storytelling show, SUNDAY NIGHT SEX TALK.  For ladies only.  More deets coming soon.

*  Monthly readership has doubled in the last two months.  Whoooooaaaaaaaa.  The Diary Of The THRIVING Actress is getting almost 5,000 views a month now!  How the, and who are you people??!!!  I feel like I'm talking to people from another dimension...a parallel Universe.  Thank you, wherever you are.  :)

*  I want to say thank you to everyone for supporting me and FAME'US Magazine.  Unfortunately, I am longer working with them.  I know.  Why?  What happened?  I may write about this in the future since there were so many things I learned.  However, I'm taking some time to get a little distance from it first.  Nonetheless, I am so appreciative to you all and hopefully 2014 brings lots of new collaborations.




Now on to the main attraction.....


After you turn 25, the years just fly by, don't they?

I can't believe I'm already in my thirties.  I can't believe my Bells is going to turn 10 in March and I've had her since she was 2 months old.  Seriously, where and how does the time go like that?

Time doesn't stop.

In fact, my roommate told me about a watch called the "Tikker, The Happiness Watch" coming out in April of this year that counts down to your death.  "Tikker uses a common algorithm used by the federal government to figure a person's life expectancy."  Click here to read more about it.

I think it's cool.  Yes, it can seem morbid but, it's a complete paradigm shift.  I heard or read once that when some cancer patients hear they have X many days left to live, something in them shifts.  Pretty immediately.  I think it may have been Eckart Tolle in A New Earth.  They go from Ego to their Higher Self.  They see things more clearly.  They see what really matters in life.  They begin living.  And you've heard stories where simply by living a better quality of life, they kick cancer in its ass.

I think it's worth a try.  It's $79.  I'll let you know if I get one.  It may actually help me develop a better relationship with Time.

One of my goals this year.......Appreciate the time I have and not take it for granted.  Time with the people I love and care about and my Bells, time I spend doing things I love, and the time alone.

Speaking of goals, I'm easing into it.

For some reason, my heart just wants to do things OTHER than acting more this year.  Like finally go to the shooting range (yes, I want to shoot some guns), go to South by Southwest, finally go visit my sister in Houston, go back to pole dancing, travel more whether it's near or far...just places I've never been, go watch more movies at the theater, sleep more, smile more to strangers, go trapeze-ing, get a bicycle, read more books, try out more restaurants, and go out with friends more even if it's to the bar (I'm a huge homebody and I don't like alcohol much).  Basically, just get the f*ck out of my house more.

I feel like I'm at my prime and I don't take advantage of it as much as I want.  I also want to date more this year.  I want to stop being scared of and sabotaging anything from happening with guys I really really like.  Let's grow up this year, Alex.  If you want a grown ass man, you gotta be a grown ass woman.  I believe in you.

On the career front, what I really want to focus on is to work on set more....television and film, especially television.  I want to see some cha-chings, you know what I'm sayin?  I want to concentrate on training with Lesly Kahn more, and book some shiet....more co-stars and a guest-star or two.  This also means, back to casting director workshops.  I want to cultivate some solid relationships with a few casting offices.  I want to slowly start building a reputation and rapport with them.  I want to make sure my skill level is consistently up to par, and I want casting directors to feel confident about bringing me in.  I definitely want to be the Go-To Hot N Funny Asian Chick.  So possible!!

2014 has a good ring to it.  I have a feeling it brings with it lots of MAGIC and MANIFESTATION.  My writing coach, Suzanne declared last year as The Year Of Living Miraculously.  And she did.  She fell in love and got married in a year, got her first series regular role on cable, she received unexpected money, started her own coaching class, and a bunch of other things in between.  I know because I've been there to see it all happen.  I know how powerful your mind and intention can be.

This is my intention for 2014.  I want to manifest things like crazy and live so magically that people start thinking I may be a unicorn.  

All I know is I'm so happy to have this place.....this is my happy place.  I hope this place makes you happy too.  Thank you for visiting me this week.  I love you guys!!  Let's figure out 2014 together and see how we can manifest more magic into our lives.  :)

Here's to another THRIVING week and year.

with MAAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

 

'Last Post Of 2013'. Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 50, 51, 52.

Who you mad-doggin, dawg?  It's Christmas.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

*  Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!!  The Diary Of The THRIVING Actress will be taking a break until the New Year.  See you in 2014.  :)

*  Seriously, THANK YOU for all the support.  You don't know how much it means to me to know that there are people reading this.  I'm so grateful....I'm so grateful!!

*  Bells sends her love too.  She loves her Christmas gifts.

She went to town on this chew bone.  Even had crazy eyes at times.  She looked like she was in a trance.  What an animal.

Bells's fancy festive statement neck piece has bells on it.  I can hear her at all times.  My Silver Bells.  And Mr. Baby, her new boyfriend.

*  For those of you who asked about my national fast food commercial audition, here's a pic.

I took this pic when I knew for sure I didn't get it.  Last Friday, the day I would have been shooting if I had gotten it.  I got the callback for it and it was down to me and 2 other Asian girls for our spot.  I think I know who it went to....the one with the cool hair.  She had one of those asymmetrical cuts...and short.  She looked super cool.  The other one was very conservative.  I was probably somewhere in between.  It was for McCafe and the cool hair girl just looked the part.  To me at least.  Oh well.   Thank you God for my first one.  Onward and upward.  It's funny but, I rarely get to see the commercials I worked on, but, the ones I didn't get....I see it all the time.  It's actually kind of cool to even say, "Oh look, that's the one I didn't get!"  :D

However, the same day as the callback, I had two other commercial auditions.  One for a cruise line and the other a promo trailer/video for a feature film.  I booked the promo and shot it already.  Here's a pic!  Met and worked with some fantastic people.  

Then spoke to the casting director for the cruise line on the phone about my 'skills'.  She was trying to figure out which spot I'd be best for.  We kind of hit it off in the room.  I know she's def on Team Alex.  :D  I have a feeling I got it but, won't know till end of this month.  Will keep you posted.  When I get it, I'll be taking a cruise for 4-5 days overseas to shoot!  

Will write a post about these auditions soon.  Learned something about 'being yourself' in the audition room.  

Now on to the main attraction.....



I'm winding down from 2013 and gearing up for 2014.  Quietly.  Readjusting to some changes, reflecting, and reinventing.

I'll tell you allllllllll about it soon.

I pulled some images/quotes for you by P. Diddy a.k.a Puff Daddy.  I have a soft spot for cocky artists.  I have a cocky side too but, I only show maybe 40% of it (if you only knew) and sometimes I just want to unleash that sh*t.  But, for now, I'll settle living vicariously through artists like P. Diddy, Kanye, and Nicki Minaj.

Whether you like them or not, there's something to learn from them.  I consider them successful...because they consider themselves successful.  They have created the life they want.  They have big dreams, they do the work, and they live LOUDLY.

So, I came across P. Diddy's Instagram.  You are what you post.  I just liked him before but, now I see who he is....I have maaaaad love for him.  And respect.  He knows how to live HIS life.  

These are fun and inspiring.  Thank you P. Diddy for my Christmas gift and giving me a head start on 2014.

2014, I'm coming for ya.

Ever.

Saying 'Fuck It' is great but, once you say it, commit to it.

Bah hahahaha.

Just learned this one.  #DefineYourself

Everything in moderation.

I'm getting better at this as I get older.

Always.  Stay Flexible.

I AM more than what I see, sometimes.

That's all I ever wanted.

That's it.

Don't hate, congratulate.

Nice to meet you.

If I say I'm a unicorn three times, will you believe me?

Truly.  With love.  :D

#ThingsOnlyYOUCanDo

Ok, I'm waiting...I'm waiting.

#Procrastination

Lionel just wanted a little face time.

And when the world catches up......

This cracks me up.  That's a dollar bill, Diddy.  #Confused

Don't play.

Simple metaphysics.

I thought about this for real....it's true.

Tag, you're it.

I beliiiiieve!

Ok.

Don't let me get in my zone, don't let me get in my zone!

YUP, SECRET TO SUCCESS......KEEP.  GOING.

And once again to everyone for reading and following this blog.....THANK YOU for all the love.  I will make 2014 even more magical.  Wishing you and your family a safe and happy holiday.  I hope 2014 will also be magical for you.



with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

"My Biggest Hater". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 47, 48, and 49.

Hey, psssst.  Hope you didn't miss me too much, daaaahlings.  :D

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week.....


*  Hope you and your family had a blessed Thanksgiving.  Thank you to the Makins for feeding me again this Thanksgiving.

*  It was my birthday this past Tuesday!  I turned 21 again.  And I've been sick since Thanksgiving and haven't had it in me to blog.  Thank you to my readers who have checked in with me.  Means a lot.  I hope I get better because being sick, sucks.

*  Everyone, the Kickstarter for FAME'US Magazine is here!  Here's the link.  We have to raise $5000 in 30 days.  I'm reaching out to my family and friends.  Won't you help a hardworking artist??  Hmmmm??   Go ahead, click on the link, watch the video, say to yourself "Yeah, I want to help", and pledge.  If you can't pledge because your wallet won't open for some reason, I understand.  Would you please share the link on your social medias?  I thank you in advance.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/26742582/fameus-magazine

*  I have a manager now.  Yaaay!  Wish us luck.  Here's to new beginnings.

*  We already shot three episodes of Hash Talk Show.  We're going into editing.  Will start blasting more deets and pics as soon as we get closer to launching!  Very excited and nervous.

*  I found a new soap.  Actually, my friend, Star gave to me to try.  She remembered how miserable I was because of acne.  Do you remember the skin regimen/care vlog I made?  Click here for video.  I bought a soap when I was in Europe a couple...few years back.  It was made of straight up olive oil.  I loved it because I would use it in the shower and I was able to just rub away dead skin from my face.  It was the best, gentle way to exfoliate.  Well, here's another all natural soap that does the same thing.  Thank you, Star!  It's an African black soap.  I love it.  And it's super cheap on Amazon.  I'm telling you, just wait till the end of your shower so that your face is steamed, then wash your face with it, and then take your pointer fingers and just gently rub.  You'll feel the dead skin slough off.

Now on to the main attraction....


You gotta have thick skin to make it in this business.

You have to know yourself and be ok with yourself to make it in this business.

You can't let opinions of others dictate your opinion of yourself to make it in this business.


Yeah yeah.  Easier said than done.


I was the recipient of negative comments on youtube recently.  Calling me dumb.  I was mortified.

Haters.

I was guest co-hosting on a fashion web show for three Monday mornings.  The first show I did happened to be their first show.  And it was my first time actually 'hosting/co-hosting' too.  I've taken a hosting workshop and all I remembered was, "Shit, there's a lot to learn".  Just like voice-overs, it's a whole other beast.  There are techniques and I wasn't familiar with any of them.  So, like fish out of water but, a fish with some big balls, I agreed a couple days before to go for it.

The 15 minute show is broken down to 3 or 4 segments...you talk and comment briefly on each, and the show's over.  Easy.

Not so much when you're LIVE.

Also, if you've never worked together before, you don't know what the synergy is going to be like.

I thought we did pretty ok for the first go at it.  And I felt so supported and encouraged by the host and production team.

A week and half later I get an email from the host of the show that our first video got over 17,000 views.  I check.  Now, over 20,000.  I'm like, "Whoa, how the hell did that happen?"  Then I scrolled down and read some comments.

Yikes.

They were calling us dumb.  They said we should do more research before calling ourselves 'experts' in fashion.  Someone said we were retarded.

You see, the video got so many hits because one of the topics we discussed was about the 'Miss Universe' competition.  Key word, 'Miss Universe' brought all that traffic to the video, especially lots of viewers from all over the world.  Here I was commenting on some of their costumes without knowing their histories.  That WAS dumb.  I agree.

But, dust it off and move on, right?

No.

Because here's a secret.

I'm afraid of being called dumb.  Or thought of as dumb.

Growing up, I hated raising my hand in class.....I mean, what if I was wrong?  I shiver to think.

I'm not sure exactly where it comes from.  All I know is, it exists and it affects me.

I know I'm not dumb but, the comments just hit my vulnerable spot.  

The truth is, they were right.  I should have been prepared.  I should have done my research.  The host apologized saying that he should have prepped me more.  Agreed.  And yes, we could all have been prepped more but, it was our first freaking show.  We did the best we could.  Learning as we go.

I'm good about it now but, for two days, I wanted to hide in my room.

Geeez, yes you gotta have some thick skin, you gotta know yourself and be ok with yourself, and your opinion of yourself has to matter more than anyone else's to make it in this business.  BECAUSE IT WILL BRING SHIT UP IN YOU.  You will be forced to confront certain parts of you that you didn't know existed, or you have been sweeping under the rug for later.  IF YOU'RE DOING THE WORK, THEY'RE GOING TO COME UP.  Trust me.  There's no avoiding it.  But, that's why we chose this life and lifestyle.  To be artists.  To see heal ourselves, to express ourselves, to achieve fantastical and magical things, and to serve the planet with our talents.  That's why we're here.  So, we gotta keep doing that.

That's my mission.  To learn, grow, and heal myself and keep creating my art.  I'm a sensitive artist but, I'm also a professional.

You hear this term a lot, "Haters".
Here's the Urban Dictionary's definition for Hater.

hater

A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.

Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse down a notch.

Honestly, I haven't had many encounters with other haters.  The only 'hater' I really face is myself.  It always boils down to a healthy relationship with the Self.  Everything external is a reflection of the internal.


I'm taking a break from guest co-hosting for now to focus on my show, HashTalkShow.  Gotta stick with one thing right now and make sure I don't spread myself too thin.  But, some things I learned thus far that I know will help me with HashTalkShow.


Some lessons...

*  When something goes up on the web, it's lives forever.  Put up content with integrity.

*  Do your effin research and don't let your big balls give you a big head.

*  I'm human.  Things are gonna get messy.

*  You ask a million people, you're going to get a million opinions.  Opinions are opinions.  And they're subject to change at any time.  Don't get too attached to them.

*   Haters are not out there, they're in here.  My biggest hater is ME, and no one else.  If something or someone's causing me to react in an uncomfortable way......look withIN.

*  I'm not dumb.  I'm not book smart either but, I'm one WISE chica.




So, what stuff is coming up for you this week?  Just know that when you're doing what's important to you, things are going to come up.  Live through it and I'll see you on the other side.




with MAAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

"Announcing Hash Talk Show With Alexandra Choi!" Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 46

I'm even mastering 'the selfie' in action.  Skills.

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

*  You may have seen this on my Facebook.  

Yup, I'm getting my own web talk-show.  Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!

This is how official it is.  New business card and my very own desk.  Oh snap!

*  I guest co-hosted again for Tailor Made with Brian Rodda!  I may do it every Mondays.    The show streams LIVE every day @ 10am PST on Youtube.  Here's the latest video.

And our first video has over 20,000 hits already!  

Now on to the main attraction....

Boo yah!

Here's how I got my own web talk-show, in a nutshell.

I was contacted by a friend about a month ago.  She's working with FAME'US Magazine and needed some help making a Kickstarter video.  I met with her, she explained to me what the magazine was all about, I liked very much, so I agreed to do what I can.  I was given freedom to create a video based on the information I was given, so I did.  Shot it, edited it, all in one day and sent it over.  I receive word from the founder/publisher.  We meet and he asks to reshoot the video but, this time, it will be a little more scripted since there are key things he wants to mention....and THEY will shoot and edit it.

You mean, all I have to do is stand there and say lines and I don't have to shoot it or edit it?  

I'm in.

In our next meeting, he brings up my Youtube vlogs.  He was researching my social media presence and came across my youtube channel.  He said I'd make a great talk show host.  He wants to create a FAME'US web talk show and would love to have me be the host.  He said I'm the same person on and off camera (rare), I'm not filtered, I'm a do-er, I'm courageous for putting myself out there, and I have great work ethic.  Oh yeah, and I'm funny.  And that's someone he wants to work with, support, and help.

I'm so grateful and appreciative that somebody believes in me to back me up....and financially at that!!  What the hell?!!  I am so thankful.  I can be so lucky...I'm a Sagittarius.

And as grateful as I am, "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity".  It's also The Law Of Attraction at work.  It's magical but, it was also bound to happen because I was aligning myself to what I wanted.  I'm grateful to my Soul too for not giving up.

I feel like I'm understanding how the world works more and more.  The natural law, the natural way of things.  I see what my part of the equation is and and what God's/The Universe's part is.  In my experience it's a 30/70 ratio.  We don't have much to do but, START.  Before you start the work, it seems daunting and overwhelming, you want to put it off til later, you feel maaaad Resistance....but, once you start, something else carries you and magical things start to happen.  

Why do you think I love the Luck quote and this one so much?  This one is by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.  A quote I will live and die by.  Tried and true for me.  

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." 

Back to the show,

The show is called, "Hash Talk Show" with Alexandra Choi.  I'm going to be the Hash Tag Girl.  Apparently I love to hash tag.  I do.  I enjoy it very much.  Sometimes I have to stop myself from overdoing it.  Chris, the founder/publisher basically wants me to be just me.  He's not trying to create somebody or a character.....he says who I am naturally is my brand, who I am in all my vlogs, who I am when I'm hash-tagging like a mofo.  He's just piecing those together into a package.  I think in the past this would have freaked me out, "Huh?  I don't know who I am, I don't know what you're talking about" but, not today peeps...not today.  Today I know exactly what he means.  Today I know who I am.  Today I am grateful that somebody sees that.  

We shot our first test episode.  You know how I felt?  FREE.  I was free to do and say anything.  I'm basically doing the same thing I used to do with my vlogs but, this time, I have someone holding the camera and I don't have to worry about post-production.  Although, not having the option to have full control over editing is making me feel uneasy.  Good thing is, I do have say over the final product.  

I learning a lot right now.  Working with professionals.  God, I love working with professionals who get shit done.  It's so emotionally satisfying.  And I see what kind of balance it's going to take for me.  There's the artist in me who is the perfectionist and stubborn but, there's also the producer, the entrepreneur in me who needs to let certain things go for the sake of the project as a whole.  Chris is an amazing mentor.  I know I'm learning from him because my goal isn't to just act and be in front of the camera...my goal is to create an empire.  I WANT TO BUILD AN EMPIRE.  I want to make my own movies.  I want to create live venues for artists.  I want to have my own t-shirt and shoe line.  I want to have my own production company.  There's more.  :D

But like Oprah says, "You can have it all, just not at once."  I'm going to be patient.  I'm going to steadily dream big.  I'm going to continue taking steps.  

I am definitely in the manifesting period.  I'm just curious to see what and how much is possible for me right now.  

And to all the artists out there......IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME.  I swear.  Start now.  Start creating your own stuff.  Start putting it out there.  Take advantage of social media.  We live in different times now.  Artists have more power than ever.  

We CAN create the life we want.  One step, one action, one day at a time.

Have a THRIVING week, peeps.

with MAAAAD LOVE,

x Alex

"Ready To Die So I Can LIVE". Live Shows, Here I Come! Week 45

Dear Diary,

Here's my offering to you this week....

*  If we're friends on Facebook, I posted a status update regarding a BIG announcement.  You may have been seeing hints here and there.  I was going to post about it this week but, I'm holding off til next until some things are finalized.  Cool things are in the works but, I want to make it official next week.  Stay tuned!

*  I guest co-hosted a web show this past week!  Yaaay!!  It happened in a matter of two days.  The show is called 'Tailor Made with Brian Rodda'.  It streams LIVE on Youtube daily.  I'll be joining him on Mondays.  How cool!  Click here to watch the video!  It was Brian's first episode and I'm so honored to have been his first guest.  I'm learning a lot right now....by saying YES and getting in there and just doing it.




Now on to the main attraction.....


I'm having death dreams again.

Sounds morbid but, it's not.

Because to die is to live.

Death isn't the end.

It can be the beginning.  It IS the beginning.

My subconscious is communicating to me.

The old me is scared to die.  The old me wants to stay the same.  The old me doesn't want change.

But, change is life.  Movement is life.

Boredom, stagnation is the death of me.

Breaks are good.  Take breaks, get some rest but, when it's time to move....F*CKING MOVE.

There's a lot of moving parts right now.

It causes anxiety in me at times but, it's not stopping me.

I see my fears come up...and it's ok.

Hi fear.  Hi old self.  Thanks for showing up and letting me know that this is important to me.  I'm scared but, I must go.  I can't take you with me.  I'll see you around in another form, in a different lesson.  This lesson, I can let go now.

It makes me cry.  I cry at least once a day these days.  I cry while I'm driving or playing fetch with Bells.  I take deeps breaths and I cry.  Something in me is dying and I'm grieving the loss.

Alex, it's time to move on to the next stage of your life.  This is necessary.  Let that part of you go with Love.  It's all ok.  Grow....GROW.

I'm ALIVE.  I'm living again.  I'm feeling.  I'm thinking.  I'm loving.  I'm hating.  I'm sad.  I'm happy.  I'm angry.  I'm mortified.  I'm making decisions.  I'm taking action.  I'm moving.  I'm changing.

This is the Life of the artist.

This is the Work of the actress.

This is my Path.

Who knows what this death will bring life to?

We shall see.





Have a THRIVING weeks, peeps.


with MAAAD LOVE,

x Alex